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Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/06/19 in all areas

  1. I drink the claws. In fact will be bringing those and canned champagne to the tailgate. Fight me.
    28 points
  2. One of the great things about being a Texas fan is that the football team plays at least 10 P5 teams each year. I heard some SEC honk on XM 84 mention recently that Georgia is really showing the world who’s the balls by playing an amazing 10 P5 games this year. “Wow. I’m sexually aroused, Commander.” You know who else plays 10 P5 games this year? Every fucking Pac 12, Big 10, and Big 12 team in existence, you myopic fuck. These fucking clowns have gone so deep into their own fart-huffing that they forgot that the sport is actually played beyond the range of their backwater region. Anyway, part of what’s great about how Texas plays its 10 P5 games is that the 10th game is damned near always against a worthy opponent with a well-known brand. This year is no different, as the horns don their gear this Saturday to face a powerful foe in the LSU Tigers. It should be a great match-up and fun Saturday night. And by that, I mean I expect Texas to stomp a deep and dirty mudhole painfully into the ass of these Cajun hillbillies and send them packing back to the swampy nether regions faster than you can spot corruption in their state government. “But closetojumping, LSU’s student athletes are among the elite in college sports!” First of all, let’s be clear about something, I don’t think LSU is even an accredited university. The trolls showing up to this site, and anyone who’s ever read TigerDroppings can also attest, simply reflect the concept that LSU isn’t an actual school, therefore these are not “Student” Athletes that UT is playing. Look at the facts: -LSU has an application acceptance rate of 74%. The literacy rate for the state of Louisiana most recently posted at 69% according to the Department of Education. Basic math says this is an open-enrollment school creating vocational opportunities for the literate and semi-literate in its home state. They’re effectively taking anyone from Louisiana that can sign their name on the application. -The admission standards and average SAT scores accepted into LSU are lower than the NCAA eligibility requirements for true freshmen student athletes entering into its FBS schools. A state of Texas GED is an acceptable posting of the documents required for acceptance into LSU. Given this data, it’s reasonable to assess that LSU’s football team is in effect a local team of mercenaries that do not face the same academic and educational responsibilities that any of their opponents besides Ole Miss, Auburn, and Mississippi State will face. So they’re not to be called student-athletes, and they’re able to show up competing with that advantage against Texas. I still like where we sit against them and their fans, both in this game and in life. “closetojumping, you seem awfully bullish about Texas facing a team with a new offensive juggernaut of an offense that dismantled a mighty 10 win team last weekend.” I keep hearing a couple of refrains from LSU visitors, the media talking heads, and the coelenterates cloaked in UT gear that surface themselves on the boards and at the proverbial water cooler. The mighty new offense is one of the bigger talking points as to why Texas shouldn’t even bother showing up this weekend. So LSU hired a guy that’s never actually been a coordinator of any sort and shoved him into the pedestrian Ensminger’s thinking, and asked those two to have a football baby. And we’re supposed to be concerned, especially after watching LSU publicly buttfuck the wizards of GA Southern. “Hey, GAS won 10 games last year, they’re strong.” Right. Their best win last year was against Appalachian State. They were blown out by ULM. So, no, pummeling a shithole team from the Sun Belt doesn’t do anything for me. I realize, given LSU’s troubles with the Sun Belt, this is a step up, like going from using an outhouse to having indoor plumbing. A wise philosopher once said that everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. Installing a new offense with a nonbelieving head coach that panics when he sees his offenses actively using motion faces more peril than what a cupcake can present. When Texas sends LSU back to the sidelines after a couple of 3 and outs, let’s see how much resolve Brady and Ensminger have when Baron von Edward Beauregard Orgeron is heaving red bull and dirty rice flavored, spittle-loaded invective in their direction and regressing the offense back to 3 yards and a cloud of dust. Orgeron’s loomed like a gargoyle over the offensive strategy of his staff in every season of every stop he’s made as a head coach. It’s difficult to fathom that he’s shaken that monkey in one offseason because an analyst from the Saints was hired. The oldest running joke in college football is that LSU has opened up its offense. That punchline will be toasted again in the late hours of Saturday night. “CTJ, these LSU boys got that swagger though!!! They Sposed to be SEC!!!” A team hasn’t talked this much shit about an opponent since Miami prepared to face Penn State in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl. The media has certainly bathed LSU in Sazerac-flavored glory as the LSU idiots have fed them sound byte after sound byte. K’Lavon Chaisson and his 3 career sacks has pulled up in his shit smelling clown car and spouted off at the mouth to anyone who will listen. This guy must still be pissed that Tom Herman took up residence in his home for 8 hours and subjected him to bingewatching Friends. One of the linebackers has announced that they’re going to run over Sam Cosmi in 10 different ways. I can’t remember which one said it, and while my understanding is that their LB corps is apparently on par with 70’s Steelers, I don’t see a single fucking one that can sniff Devin White’s jock, and he’s long gone. Their entire DB unit has collectively rubbed its sandy vagina and moaned that Texas, a program that has put more than 60 DBs into the league, has the temerity to continue to claim a moniker that UT’s been using for 3 decades. The LSU DBs are hurt because history apparently started with Patrick Peterson and the fucking Honey Badger. Right. Sorry, LSU, we forgot you were there. All of the shit talking and chest beating is the same false bravado we witnessed in our last 2 endeavors against overrated SEC teams. They’re fucking great because they say they are. It’s got all the markings of a situation in which a team shows up, throws their helmets out on the field, and says “okay, we’re here, give us the W”. As Texas fans, we know it all too well, having seen that bullshit start with overhype at the turn of the decade and the UT teams of that period playing right into it. Herman lives for this kind of game and situation, and his team feeds off of it as well. Underdogs at home? Getting shittalked by clowns who’ve never shared the field with Texas? Big national audience? All those boxes are checked and the history of those circumstances tells us that Texas will be ready. Beyond the mental prep, or lack thereof, depending upon the side, there’s also a really simple exercise to think through here. If you had one game to win against a highly touted and talented opponent, which head coach would you want prepping the strategy for your team and hatching the gameplan – Tom Herman or Sir Edgar Beaujolais Orgeron, Esq.? Only LSU fans are dumb enough to claim they’d choose the latter. “OH NO closetojumping, you’ve doomed us to our fate!!” I mudhole posted about USC last year, if it makes you feel any better. Stop squatting to pee. Texas wins this game with a score closer than the way the game was actually played on the field – 31-24. I expect misdirection, tempo, and a steady diet of fat ass LSU defenders sucking wind. The Texas defense will sell out to stop the run and force Jesus Joe Burrow to swagger the passing game to a big night while the beached whales masquerading as offensive linemen attempt to fend off multiple blitzes in front of him. I look forward to seeing many hot and trashy Cajun females bawling after the game, barely speaking audible English, lamenting the beating their team just took. LSU players, apparently, will be looking forward to heading back to the lockerroom so they can continue to compare notes on how they’re going to rape each other, or whatever the fuck this is: Anyway, Hook'em
    23 points
  3. Latest Visitor List 2021 QB Jalen Milroe, Katy Tompkins (61 overall) RB LJ Johnson, Cy-Fair (112 overall) WR Quay Davis, Skyline (98 overall) WR JoJo Earle, Aledo (106 overall) WR Teddy Knox, The Woodlands (147 overall) WR Latrell Neville, Fort Bend Hightower (151 overall) TE Lake McRee, Lake Travis (328 overall) TE Var’Keyes Gumms, Dekaney (512 overall) OL Tommy Brockermeyer, All Saints (3 overall) OL James Brockermeyer, All Saints (313 overall) OL Hayden Conner, Katy Taylor (169 overall) OL Donovan Jackson, Bellaire Episcopal (46 overall) OL Savion Byrd, Duncanville (13 overall) DL Landon Jackson, Texarkana Pleasant Grove (24 overall) DL Tunmise Adeleye, Katy Tompkins (25 overall) DL Jordon Thomas, Port Arthur Memorial (196 overall) LB Derrick Harris Jr., New Caney (170 overall) LB Clayton Smith, Texas High (105 overall) CB Ishmael Ibraheem (119 overall) S JD Coffey, Kennedale (152 overall) ATH Juan Davis, Everman (414 overall) ATH Ja’Tavion Sanders, Denton Ryan (43 overall) ATH Billy Bowman, Denton Ryan (108 overall) National composite ranking added to the above list. 4 five-star players 8 top 100 players 19 top 247 players 148 - Average National ranking of guest list
    23 points
  4. Sydney: "You're making a mountain out of a molehill." Randy: "MOUNTAIN (N) a natural elevation of the earth's surface rising more or less abruptly to a summit, and attaining an altitude greater than that of a hill, usually greater than 2000 feet (610 meters). A mountain is a large landform that rises above the surrounding land in a limited area, usually in the form of a peak.[1] A mountain is generally steeper than a hill. Mountains are formed through tectonic forces or volcanism. These forces can locally raise the surface of the earth. Mountains erode slowly through the action of rivers, weather conditions, and glaciers. A few mountains are isolated summits, but most occur in huge mountain ranges. High elevations on mountains produce colder climates than at sea level. These colder climates strongly affect the ecosystems of mountains: different elevations have different plants and animals. Because of the less hospitable terrain and climate, mountains tend to be used less for agriculture and more for resource extraction and recreation, such as mountain climbing. The highest mountain on Earth is Mount Everest in the Himalayas of Asia, whose summit is 8,850 m (29,035 ft) above mean sea level. The highest known mountain on any planet in the Solar System is Olympus Mons on Mars at 21,171 m (69,459 ft)." Sydney: "I don't need you to explain to ME what a mountain is, I'm telling you you're making too big a deal out of something trivial, it's just a figure of speech." Randy: "A figure of speech is figurative language in the form of a single word or phrase. It can be a special repetition, arrangement or omission of words with literal meaning, or a phrase with a specialized meaning not based on the literal meaning of the words.[dubious – discuss] Figures of speech often provide emphasis, freshness of expression, or clarity. However, clarity may also suffer from their use, as figures of speech can introduce an ambiguity between literal and figurative interpretation." Sydney: "Jesus Christ you idiot." Phlegm: "I'M WACKY!" Phlegm: "I'M ZANY!" Phlegm: "LOOK AT HOW WACKY AND ZANY I CAN BE! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!" Phlegm: "WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!" Randy: "Jesus (c. 4 BC – c. AD 30 / 33), also referred to as Jesus of Nazareth and Jesus Christ,[f] was a first-century Jewish preacher and religious leader.[12] He is the central figure of Christianity. Most Christians believe he is the incarnation of God the Son and the awaited Messiah (Christ) prophesied in the Old Testament.[13][14] Virtually all modern scholars of antiquity agree that Jesus existed historically,[g] although the quest for the historical Jesus has produced little agreement on the historical reliability of the Gospels and on how closely the Jesus portrayed in the Bible reflects the historical Jesus.[21][h] Jesus was a Galilean Jew[12] of Judea who was baptized by John the Baptist and began his own ministry. He preached orally[24] and was often referred to as "rabbi".[25] Jesus debated with fellow Jews on how to best follow God, engaged in healings, taught in parables and gathered followers.[26][27] He was arrested and tried by the Jewish authorities,[28] turned over to the Roman government, and crucified on the order of Pontius Pilate, the Roman prefect.[26] After his death, his followers believed he rose from the dead, and the community they formed eventually became the early Church.[29]"
    23 points
  5. TFB interviewed Princely. Skip to the last two sentences.
    21 points
  6. 20 points
  7. This was the best quote I’ve ever received. I don’t think I’ll ever do better. Congrats @closetojumping
    16 points
  8. 15 points
  9. My post from last week about La Tech was generally well-received, so I wanted to do a post about LSU. Plus, inviting the mouthbreathing Tiger fans squatting on our boards to read 2,000 words might occupy them from now until game time. As with last time, my analysis is flawed and underresearched. I watched a single LSU game—LSU vs. Georgia Southern’s matchup from last week, and I turned it off when LSU took their starters out. Here were my takeaways: What to expect from LSU’s offense? Much ink has been spilled about LSU’s offseason offensive “turnaround” and hiring of a glorified grad assistant from LSU. I’m not going to rehash their staff, scheme, or those details. Instead, I’ll get right to the personnel. I will say that one thing that was apparent from watching the film was how much more tempo LSU ran their offense with this year. There was no huddling and an apparent emphasis on moving very quickly offensively. Quarterback: Everyone knows LSU’s QB is Joe Burrow. But what is he? Is he a poor, Cajun (tautological?) man’s version of Sam Ehlinger? Is he the dregs of Ohio State’s necrosis under Urban Meyer? Is he a dark horse for the Heisman and possibly the best QB in the SEC? These questions and more… What did I see last week? Frankly, Burrow is extremely accurate in the short passing game. He showed nice accuracy a few times on the Power/Slant RPO that LSU ran several times He hit a really nice backshoulder throw on a switch route to take LSU up 21-0: Burrow has a strong preference for waiting for plays to develop deep, then hitting wide open check down reads, if he’s given time and space to do so. Seriously, if Orlando decides to bring pressure, our D better get to the QB quickly, because Burrow is more than happy to pick up 5 or 6 yards on check downs. Burrow’s arm strength is a question mark. He does not have a cannon and his deep throws flutter and fail on him. There were times against GSU that Burrow had a receiver wide open downfield, but his passes took so long to get to his target that defenders were able to catch up to the receiver to break up the pass If he does not have an open receiver, he’s not great at deciding to throw the ball away or try to pick up a few yards on the ground. He will try to force balls into tight windows, if he doesn’t have a wide open checkdown he can find: Running Backs: LSU’s starter snaps against GSU went to Clyde Edwards-Helaire (22) and Lanard Fournette (27). Edwards has some wiggle to him, great burst, and decisive cuts. But he’s not a big tackle breaker or anything otherworldly: Fournette appears to be LSU’s version of Kyle Porter: Let’s hope he gets starter carries again this week. As mentioned above, Burrow really leaned on the RBs in the checkdown passing game—much more so than in the running game which (as discussed below) wasn’t great against GSU. They also ran several RB screens. Here's one to Lanard Fournette: Seriously, doesn’t he just look and run and get tackled like Kyle Porter? Here's some more screenage: Offensive Line: Surprisingly, given everything I’d heard about LSU’s O-line’s strengths and weaknesses, LSU’s OL actually kept a cleaner pocket in pass pro than they did a good job opening up running lanes. LSU struggled running the ball all night. But Burrow had plenty of time to throw. With that said, if LSU’s OL has one big weakness, it’s the immobility of their offensive tackles Same play from All-22: Potential for Texas’s Defense: This is the play I just showed above, but I want to do a deeper dive into it, because it’s one thing Orlando’s D did a very nice job of against La Tech: Note that the play above is very similar to plays where our D had two picks last week (one was the pick 6 by Ossai that was called back; the other was Overshown’s diving interception late in the game). If Burrow isn’t careful with this throw this weekend, it could be a big momentum swing for Texas. Notice that here, the overhang defender drops straight back up the seam—covering grass—even though there’s no receiver in the vicinity. Compare that to how Ossai makes a similar drop: Compare J’Mar Smith’s “look off” of that route with Burrow’s. They’re almost identical. J’Mar focuses on the curl route developing in the middle of the field, thinking he’s frozen the safety. It’s not clear whether he even sees Ossai. Then he rifles the ball to the curl route at the sticks, but Ossai breaks on the ball as soon as it’s thrown. In the Burrow version of the play, there’s even less deception, because the side of the field where the ball is thrown has only a single route being run. Although Burrow “looks off” the safeties to that side of the field, there’s really no work he’s doing there, because there are no other routes that should have occupied them. And here’s Overshown’s even better drop: Note how fixated La Tech’s QB is on the overhang defender rushing from the edge. He sees him come upfield and thinks he must have a wide open window to hit the flat route. But Overshown beats the flat route to the spot of the ball. What to Expect from LSU’s Defense: You’ve heard a lot about LSU’s defense this week. Most of it is true. Their LBs and secondary are really fucking fast and they hit really fucking hard. Defensive Backs: I’ll start with Safety, because Grant Delpit is the real deal. Watch him run this play down (he’s standing right next to the official, about 9 yards off the ball and shaded over the strongside guard): (That probably should’ve been a late hit, but still) I mean, fuck. The other safety is Ja’Coby Stevens who I would’ve talked about more if Grant Delpit weren’t on the team: LSU’s secondary philosophy (at least against GSU) was to stop the run at all costs, play lock-down D with the corners and have the safeties keep everything in front of them and not miss tackles. Sound familiar? LSU starts true freshman Derek Stingley, who also had punt/kick return duties for them. He held up fine against Georgia Southern’s wholly inept attack, but how will he do manned up on Collin Johnson? Linebackers: LSU’s DL does such a good job of occupying blockers that LSU’s LBs often get a free run into the hole. Look at how early the WLB (Damone Clark, 35) gets to the hole. But he stops his feet and catches the RB in the hole, rather than running through the hole and causing a TFL. Defensive Line: Rashard Lawrence is a stud. We better hope Parker Braun is ready to pass protect at a high level, so this doesn’t happen: Glen Logan is the other DE in the 3-4 front. He missed some tackles against GSU: The nose tackle is Shelvin Tyler and is number 72. He looks like the kind of defensive lineman who should be wearing number 72, too: Chaisson is the rush LB (think Ossai’s role). He gets talked about a lot, especially on here, given his recruiting history. He’s Still, we should definitely block him: The DL is very large, though, and susceptible to draws/screens. Although when we run a draw, we have to hope our running back does not become a Dead, like this GSU player (Chaisson on the hit): Conclusion: Unsurprisingly, LSU’s defense is really stout. It’s secondary, especially, can really fly around and make plays. Our coaches need to make sure Sam doesn’t take a clean shot from Delpit or Chaisson (who will both, by the way, definitely make dirty hits: Already pointed out the Delpit late hit above, but here it is again: And check out the crown of Chaisson’s helmet here: Aranda’s defense looks A LOT like Texas’. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. But where Texas’ D-line is built to be a super quick, attacking and stunting line, LSU’s is designed to hold up against the Big run-centric OL of the SEC. Can Texas take advantage of that by getting the lines moving laterally to wear out or negate LSU’s strengths? And even if they can, how does Texas neutralize LSU’s speed at safety? I think back to the ways Gundy and Holgorsen attacked Orlando’s offense last year (lots of outside zone; lots of RPO routes premised on making safeties choose between run and pass responsibilities; and forcing one-on-one mismatches in the passing game through formation choices). Will Herman force LSU to pick their poison the same way? Do we have enough RB talent to spam LSU with the outside zone that oSu and WVU hammered Texas with? Can Texas keep the pocket clean long enough for Sam to let LSU’s defense overpursue and find the open man? Those are all of the questions for Texas’ O against LSU’s D. But flipping the script: how the fuck is LSU going to score points on Texas? LSU’s O is a horrible mismatch for what Orlando does with his defense, and the number of times they were forced to throw the ball against GSU may indicate some systemic problems with the run game install this year. LSU’s attempt to “revolutionize” their offense by installing decade-old RPOs that have already been schemed over by DCs should terrify no one. I am so fucking excited for this game. Texas 28 – LSU 13.
    14 points
  10. Maybe, just maybe, calling the mom of a recruit we want and who is active on football message boards a cunt isn’t the best idea.
    13 points
  11. Warm kitty, soft kitty, Little ball of fur. Talking shit to surly horns Hur, dur, hurrr.
    12 points
  12. I know this is a rhetorical question, but my non rhetorical answer: She'll set them at various temperatures between 60 degrees and 90 degrees and the cold front will meet the warm front causing it to rain in your living room.
    12 points
  13. OU1: 24/35 for 314 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INT 19 carries for 72 yards, 3 TD OU2: 23/36 for 349 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT 15 carries for 42 yards, 2 TD UGA: 19/27 for 169 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT 21 carries for 64 yards, 3 TD So, in the Longhorns' 3 biggest games of the year, Sam went 66/98 for 832 yards, threw 4 TDs, 1 INT, and rushed 55 times for 178 yards and 8 TDs, but he doesn't show up in big games. Got it.
    11 points
  14. LSU at Texas 6:30 PM on ABC - #8 Geaux Fuck Yourself Bitch
    10 points
  15. Yes. In my experience beating women is unnecessary.
    10 points
  16. Texas is guaranteed to win, we have a secret weapon: my mom has gone to 10 Texas games in her life, and is 10-0 in attendance. That includes a Big XII championship and the game against KSU in the pouring rain. Texas cannot lose when she's in attendance. By contrast, my dad is a jinx. Every texas big texas football game he's gone to, they've lost. She's going to the game tomorrow. He is not. It's my birthday tomorrow, her's is next week. This is both of our birthday presents. We cannot lose.
    9 points
  17. It would be fun to see Sam publish every number of every person that harasses him. Publish them on say, all of the Longhorn message boards. Especially this one.
    9 points
  18. "I tell guys all the time, everyone wants to be a lion until it’s time to do lion shit,” McKnight said. “That’s him. Everybody wants to talk about it. He’s gonna do it.”
    9 points
  19. BradinATX - that is NOT the chest we were hoping to see
    9 points
  20. That's it. This shit has crossed the line.
    9 points
  21. Take it easy on the Poke, the Sooner attitude that beating women is okay may have infected him by proximity.
    9 points
  22. As always, lulz at Trump supporters like emaw earnestly thinking that their opinions have any weight to the rest of us. Oh noes, I bet a scientologist also thinks I'm the crazy one for not believing in xenu! You're all complete jokes.
    9 points
  23. He wasn’t crying, he was leaking gravy.
    8 points
  24. Huh - I never realized it until YOU posted this, but Ace and Gary are dressing in UCLA colors - NTTAWWT
    8 points
  25. LSU @ Texas 6:30 PM on ABC gets my vote
    7 points
  26. Which is understandable. If there was a Democratic president in office, making an absolute fool of him/herself on a daily basis, who was easily the dumbest president in US history, who spent all day retweeting far left news articles and insane conspiracy theories, I'd be embarrassed as shit and avoid this place like bedbug ridden trump property.
    7 points
  27. #nttawwt. we love you subliminal. #nohomo
    7 points
  28. Stop complaining about alcohol and drink the alcohol. Is this your first blackout?
    7 points
  29. I am 99.99% sure this quote is true and accurate. “I see purple and gold, I kill the man wearin’ it. So run, you swamp-trash. Run! Tell all the other swamp-trash that Texas is comin’! You tell ‘em I’m comin’! And hell’s comin’ with me!”
    7 points
  30. Unless those are ten women, that’s fucking pathetic.
    7 points
  31. What you have to understand is that people like zork are very stupid and will think what they're told to think by authorities they trust. They're told that Hillary rigged the DNC and that it was bad, so they think it was bad. They're told that the GOP cancelling primaries is acceptable, so they think it is acceptable. That's all there is to it. Everything else is simply how they rationalize it internally.
    7 points
  32. Let’s give my wife six thermostats with which to play. What could go wrong?
    7 points
  33. LAMO. None of the other online college football message boards will ever come close to the shit this site comes up with.
    7 points
  34. Geaux Fuck yourselves, or Sam's geauxing in dry
    6 points
  35. Offense: “Ok boss what’s the play” QB: ”Ahhheight we gun cahl tie the bitch ass white hoe, fuck you” TE: “Da fuq you call me?” RB: “Your moms a bitch ass white hoe!” OG: “I quit” *** whistle *** Ref: “Delay of game, McNeese State. Five yard penalty. Repeat first down” LT: “Guys he was calling Tiger Hitch Pass Right Four, on two”
    6 points
  36. I believe there are only seamen on this yacht.
    6 points
  37. I know you have a lot of bad opinions but putting Stella at the bottom of that list is flat out unforgivable.
    6 points
  38. We all like to find the sweet spot between just super drunk and fucking wasted.
    6 points
  39. That reminds me of a joke I just heard: Q: What’s the hardest part about drinking white claws? A: Having to tell your parents you are gay.
    6 points
  40. TEXAS IS DBU. LSU IS JUST A SAFETY SCHOOL.
    6 points
  41. Any Trumper who claims they ever cared about Hillary and the possibility of her leaking classified information, is now officially 100% full of shit. Because you wont hear one word about this from them. Frauds.
    6 points
  42. so the people who are hopping mad that Donna Brazile once gave Hillary Clinton a debate question, thus completely rigging the dem primary, are okay with cancelling the GOP primaries. And they wonder why people with an IQ above room temperature don't take their opinions seriously.
    6 points
  43. The sense of fulfillment I got from reading that update is simultaneously amazeballs and disturbing.
    6 points
  44. when we were down 7-3, i texted at least 2 people saying if we won this game we would win the world series. we will win the world series.
    6 points
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