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longhornmatt

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longhornmatt last won the day on May 12

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  1. [Everyone] Look at this terrible thing Trump did. [Anastasis] Yes, but Chewbacca is a Wookie. [Everyone] Ok. Well, that’s true, but it’s not what we are talking about. [Anastasis] No, you’re not getting off that easy. I demand that this discussion pivot to Chewbacca’s status as a Wookie, and that you admit Chewbacca is, in fact, a Wookie. [Everyone] Chewbacca is a Wookie. [Anastasis] You know, this board is full of sheep. It’s a shame none of you can think critically. You’re supposedly so concerned about a batshit crazy malignant narcissist that is running the country amidst the worst economy in 100 years and the worst health crisis in 100 years ... yawn. But you can’t even acknowledge the much greater problem of Chewbacca being a Wookie. The lack of objectivity is astounding. [Everyone] Chewbacca is a Wookie! We get it. [Anastasis] God, this board is such a beating. Why did we have to rehash that Chewbacca is a Wookie again? How are you still not figuring this out with your feeble little biased minds? Let’s cover some new ground, people. [Everyone] (Deep breath) Ok. Well, there is this new story about Trump ... [Anastasis] BUT CHEWBACCA IS A WOOKIE!!!
  2. Do I win a prize if I correctly identify who in this thread is responsible for us having to rehash this?
  3. They should offer a degree in writing bullshit descriptions of fake degrees to make them seem more legitimate. Call it “Curriculum Communication Studies”. Or perhaps just “Grifting”.
  4. Who would have guessed the recruit whose mom posts on Texags would make cringeworthy, self-congratulatory boasts on the internet before he’s actually backed it up with performance?
  5. I think it’s a combination of switching from scissors to clipper cuts, taking up softball, and wearing more flannel.
  6. Lulz at drafting her own press release that describes herself as “political outsider and conservative businesswoman” when she’s a sitting United States Senator running for another term. The GOP is so screwed on their actual record that the strategy is to just pretend they’re not incumbents even when they are. “Re-elect me to get some new blood in Washington!”
  7. As bad as the kids in cages and everything else is, I shudder to even think about what happened to the Kurds after we sold them out. Probably the worst ISIS horror stories, and yet that only merited about two days of furrowed brows from Lindsey Graham before being forgotten.
  8. Well, obviously at least 40% of California voters are illegal immigrants and part of MS-13.
  9. This. I was about to post that it’s amazing nobody ever punched him hard enough for him to stop acting this way. His parents and all the other kids at his school failed the world so much. How does someone avoid consequences for such blatant douchebaggery over an entire lifetime?
  10. 1. These feel like old Daily Show interviews where they splice the tape in editing and insert shots of the interviewer making fun of the idiot, but it is actually real and all happening in real time to Trump’s face. 2. “Manual” is pretty amazing even for Trump. “Check your manual! It should say something about Covid testing right after it talks about On Star and how to set cruise control!”
  11. I like him Better than Ezra. But really though.
  12. You know, I think your odds of producing a 4th generation would be greatly increased if you would stop reminding everyone that you can’t find a woman in a huge, trendy metro area with over 1,000,000 people and one of the largest universities in the country. Just something to keep in mind.
  13. Do I wish the Emperor would stop Tweeting and stop using the Death Star to blow up our planets that house his political opposition? Of course. But how will I hunt womp rats without a blaster? Obi Wan is a nonstarter. And for that matter, how will I defend myself against an oppressive government if Obi Wan Kenobi takes over and takes away my blaster? I mean, what if he, like, wanted to use a Death Star to blow up planets or something? I’d have to stop that with my blaster, but oh wait, I don’t have one!
  14. So, basically Jerry Falwell, Jr. is most likely a garden variety drunk/cokehead and spoiled dipshit son of a famous person. In this case, it’s the double whammy of also being a preacher’s son. That’s a great guy to look to as your spiritual mentor, Evangelicals. I look forward to the rationalizations of the stripper pics on his next bender.
  15. Henry was just Fong’d to Louisville because sources told him it would come down to “THOT procurement services.”
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