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Bama Llama

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  1. I heard she wanted to rename the school Lickety Split University
  2. My dearest friend Mrs Llama is a beautiful blonde babe, a glamorous golden goddess, a lusciously and truly beautiful person and stone fox to boot (no pics, fuck you, perverts) but in candid moments will admit to being geospatially challenged. Listening to her (attempting to) give directions by phone is almost painful until it gets bizarre, then hilarious. Unless the person receiving these directions knows a fixed point of reference which Mrs. Llama also knows or vice versa, or can properly use their phone to navigate, it’s utterly hopeless. These “directions” usually start out: “Okay, you know that really big highway with all the lawyer billboards? Youknow, beside Dr. Berry’s office? Well, you wanna stay off that road, you’ll just get lost. Okay, start at the Walgreens, then go straght, then turn at the school. No, not the high school! The elementary school. Go down the turnoff toward the old bridge until you get to the Y intersection. Okay, then go straight.” The words “north, south, east and west” never ever enter the conversation, nor does any expression of distance or time. Those are rules. In the end, most of her directionees end up teaching themselves to use their GPS app, or I drive to a midpoint and lead them in. She always loved Leon Russell’s classic, “A Song for You.” “I love you, Mrs. Llama, in a place where there’s no space and time. . . .”
  3. Blood Simple show stealer. Right up there with Strother Martin in the annoyingly loquacious but very articulate high, whiny Southern / Texas drawl voice type. Nasty motherfucker driving an old yellow VW true beetle. I mean it was old in ‘85. He tried hard to murder Frances McDormand but she got him in the end. Coen casting was never better.
  4. I rather enjoyed this one. Made me think about snails, cheetahs, Cameron Diaz’ ruthless ass and how fucking stupid lawyers can be when beauty and money are involved.
  5. Enjoyed the book (Eaters of the Dead) and not ashamed to have enjoyed the film:
  6. Late in the Pacific campaign my uncle Sage Johnston was flying a carrier based Dauntless when a Zero kamikazied him and his gunner down into the Pacific. He survived the kamikaze and was picked up by a patrol boat. Unfortunately for him it was flying the rising sun. He spent the rest of the war in Tokyo at Ohana prison, a vety bad place. He witnessed the random beheading of American officers. Later he returned to Tokyo and testified on behalf of some of the kinder and more humane guards. A photo of him and a few other US POWs from the liberation of Ohana survives - He looked like death on a cracker. About 90 pounds on a 6’1” frame. He suffered from beei beti and was routinely beaten by guards and tortured by suspending him backeard from his elbows high on a wall from a bamboo pole. Sage was from Boligee, Alabama and lived well into his 80s. Sage’s remains rest about fifty yards downhill from the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington. I was privileged to draft and probate his last will and testament and to witness the inurnment ceremony on a chilly, breezy, cloudless day in November, 2014. I gotta say, the air was rather dusty that day. Sage treated each day like Christmas Eve and suffered no fools. Makes sense. He did NOT talk about the war as a rule but would pipe up if you asked an intelligent question. After the war, he met a beautiful lady from Rennes in Brittany, she a veteran of the French Resistance, and they married and had three boys together, Sage, Derrick and Brett. He flew for PanAm for many years iin the 50s and 60s. He told me he and many of the other Navy prisoners at Ohana wanted to shank a fellow prisoner trusty who gave out their meager ration of food each day. He had mastered the art of dropping tidbits of meat and rice into the knee pockets of his flight suit (prisoners wore what they eere captured in) as he brought out a platter of food. Sage said the guards knew he was doing it but didn’t care.
  7. See how you like it . . . Not another word . . . Tootle sye lents!
  8. How to make an entrance, circa 44 BC
  9. If you can watch this scene without choking up, you’re a fucking zombie. Fuckin Nazis und zehr Faddalant. Aux arms, Citoyens! Armez vos battalliions! Marchez, marchez, qu’un sang impur, abbreuve nos sillons!’
  10. Fuck, no. And fuck the forever fucking overrated Notre Dame fucking Fighting fucking Irish. Bet you right now ND makes the first cut in the 12 team CFP next year and ends up barfing.
  11. Just before he loaned Michael Douglas his haircut
  12. That was right before he loanded Michael Douglas his hairstyle
  13. “All the sudden, . . .” followed closely by “All of the sudden, . . .”; phrases which no one ever wrote, read or said until the 70s. Now these spoken phrases are showing up on local news and happy talk segues and any podcast. I’ve yet to see either in actual print. Please, just make it stop.
  14. Bama Llama

    Getting old sucks

    And so it begins. Better save all of your passwords and PINs in an encrypted document and save the password into that document in a different encrypted document . . . Ahh, fuck it.
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