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The sketchiest/dumpiest bar you've ever been to.


Parliament

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Cantina in the industrial area on the north side of Monterrey, Mexico - about 1964. There was a trough in the concrete floor running the length of the bar to piss in without having to leave your barstool. Was too drunk on Bohemia to care about the smell. Clientele was ok about the lone gringo who was accompanied by his two local Mexican friends. So no one got stabbed or shot. 

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It couldn't have been too sketchy if you can remember the name of it.

My buddy and I decided at the last minute to go to Superbowl XX in New Orleans, (1985?). Got in late Friday night and stopped at the first motel we came to waaaaay down Canal. Went out and hit the first bar we found and it was a dump. Bought some... well...something from a sketchy guy with a weeping bandaged knife wound in his hand. But he was more than happy to share it with us after we paid him, so it was probably "safe".

Same buddy. We're in Austin for a UH game, (his alma mater). Staying at some cheap motel up 35 and went into an I35 strip club. This would have also been the mid-80's so maybe somebody remembers it. Some girl was giving a lap dance and her pill box, (not a euphemism), popped open and pills went everywhere. Suddenly dozens of strippers and patrons were on their hands and knees, (not a euphemism), and looking around for pills. I found two but later inspection couldn't identify them so down the toilet they went.

My buddy died a few years ago from a rare bone marrow cancer and I miss the shit out of him. RIP JC.

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1 hour ago, markstanco said:

I told the story on TOS, but for those that didnt read/recall it:

The Uncertain Tavern in Uncertain, TX (Caddo Lake).  Bunch of buddies went down there to fish and drink beer (not in that order) and went to the tavern that evening.  We were all playing pool and this guy with no shoes walks up and puts quarters on the table.  We tell him we are playing in our group, he says "nope Im next.  You didnt have your quarters down"  So I tell him "lsiten, we are playing for $100 a game.  Show me the money and you got next".

He thinks about it, then says "I dont have $100, but I can show you a meth lab and a $300 alligator if I lose."

Still to this day I have no idea what a $300 alligator is. 

Well goddamit, did you shoot pool with him or not?

Seems like a missed opportunity to me.  

Unless you're gonna tell us what the meth lab looked like.

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15 minutes ago, DoobieWah said:

It couldn't have been too sketchy if you can remember the name of it.

My buddy and I decided at the last minute to go to Superbowl XX in New Orleans, (1985?). Got in late Friday night and stopped at the first motel we came to waaaaay down Canal. Went out and hit the first bar we found and it was a dump. Bought some... well...something from a sketchy guy with a weeping bandaged knife wound in his hand. But he was more than happy to share it with us after we paid him, so it was probably "safe".

Same buddy. We're in Austin for a UH game, (his alma mater). Staying at some cheap motel up 35 and went into an I35 strip club. This would have also been the mid-80's so maybe somebody remembers it. Some girl was giving a lap dance and her pill box, (not a euphemism), popped open and pills went everywhere. Suddenly dozens of strippers and patrons were on their hands and knees, (not a euphemism), and looking around for pills. I found two but later inspection couldn't identify them so down the toilet they went.

My buddy died a few years ago from a rare bone marrow cancer and I miss the shit out of him. RIP JC.

Crazy Lady

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24 minutes ago, captained said:

bird hunting near corsicana with a brokerage desk i was at in the mid/late 00s.  one of the owners said he had a great bar close by we should visit in mustang/corsicana.  not enough brain bleach in the world.

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Love the broken down ass limo’s. 

Edited by Bigbend1812
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3 hours ago, Parliament said:

For me it was Critters Lounge in Lincoln, NE.  We were down there for a football game and our hotel shared a parking lot.  Full of people who had LONG given up on achieving anything in life, even consistent happiness.  So they all went there straight from their job at the tire place, mobile home dealership or wherever.  And drank Keystone Light until close and then drove their 1998 Chevy Malibu back to the double wide.

That particular night they had a $5 "buffet."  A sheet of plastic was tossed over the pool table, and a table cloth over that.  The cuisine consisted of salad from a bag, hotdogs from a crock pot and chili.  I think it was supposed to be chili.  Kinda tasted like it?  None of the booze hags came over and rubbed my leg (maybe because of my Ohio State jersey?) but they stared at me all night.  Scary.

I didn't realize poors that stay at Day's Inns had such high standards.

South Wichita, late 80's.  Never would have gone to this place but my best friends brother (drug dealer) said there was gonna be a great band playing there that night.  It was the darkest, tony dungyiest, place I've ever been.  Part of the design were painted body outlines on the floor.  Couldn't figure out if it started with a few legit ones and then they said fuck it and painted in the rest.  He wasn't lying though, as the band that night was indeed good.  Halfway thru the set the lead singer grabbed a chainsaw from behind the drum kit and proceeded to cut his wooden stool up into a 10 smaller pieces.  Some of you may realize who I'm talking about.

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43 minutes ago, markstanco said:

That reminds me, last summer in San Antonio for a show I let my sales manager book us a VRBO.  Never again. 

We went to this bar a few times, it was called El  Luchador in a not so great area in SA:  ( https://www.google.com/maps/place/El+Luchador/@29.3969731,-98.4864239,19z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m5!3m4!1s0x865c589e74898b07:0xad32537c3419e985!8m2!3d29.3969719!4d-98.4858767 )

We went because the lady behind the bar had a nice rack and she made the best michelada I have ever had. 

That isn't even the sketchiest bar on that block that I've been to in the last month. Did you hit up Strokers across the street?

I've pounded through so many dives over the years that I can't remember half of them, but one that stands out was a bar on Charleston in Las Vegas (I want to say it was called The Charleston but I'm not sure). When we got there, they were openly doing a drug deal in the parking lot in front of the bar -- and I mean, right in front. You had to physically walk though the middle of the drug deal to get inside. No fucks were given. It got worse after we got inside. I've never felt so unwelcome in a place before in my life. Just nasty glances from most of the patrons and being ignored by the bartender. Finally some drunk came and talked to us in a semi-friendly manner, the bartender finally got us some beers that we slammed and we got the hell out of there.

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Pretty much every bar I ever went to during National Guard Summer Drill could go in this thread.

There was the time me and my buddies went in one place and I felt sorry for this one-armed civilian and told him to pull up a chair with us. I was the only guy who didn't realize One-Arm was there to suck dick. Nobody wanted their dick sucked by One-Arm and yet the dude would not take a hint. After One-Arm left, I ate kimchi for the first time. Because of course there was a Korean mafia running everything. Then a Vic Mackey Special did a scrip routine for one of our sergeants. I woke up in the bus covered in kimchi vomit and hopefully that's all, because One-Arm had disappeared before that.

Then another time in some Korean whorehouse clip-joint in Fayetteville the little hoochies kept teasing my boy Snake out of his money, with no satisfaction. Long story short, we left, circled around in the truck, then one particularly daring and unnamed member of our group ran back in the whorehouse the back way, snatched an oscillating fan off a table, then scooted to the truck with it. In our 1930s barracks that oscillating fan was a thing of gold, and old sergeants would remark that we were the only people they ever met who got anything positive out of a Korean whorehouse.

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Easy.  I went to a bar in Ica, Peru where the toilet was literally a hole in the ground at the end of the bar.  They did have a chest high "privacy" wall which was a nice touch.  

The beauty in the design was that you could piss out the old beer while ordering a new one...which I did many, many times.

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Two quick stories:

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The skankiest scrip club I’ve ever been to. Anything goes. “Dancer” threw her leg around my neck and stuffed her bare crotch in my face. Horrifying. My dirtbag friends loved it.

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Wayne’s 121 Club in Tremont, IL. This place is so remote there isn’t even a Google Streets image for it. We got my buddy’s old band back together for his 40th, but then the weather rolled in and we had to take the whole party to Wayne’s. We showed up with a band and way too much PA and rocked all night and slammed canned beer. I bought a pregnant girl a shot, she said “Don’t worry I’m not keeping it.” She and the unborn baby were killed in a gruesome head on collision several weeks later. I don’t know how to feel about the whole thing. This was, damn, ten years ago.

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4 hours ago, Loco said:

Ended up in an illegal bar in Bimini, no sign, no lights out front, just refered to us by a local bar tender...  all the regular bars had closed up and we were still thirsty.  Walked/stumbled in the front door and we were the only Gringos... everything stopped.  I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life.  That lasted 30 seconds and my degenerate buddy walks up to the bar and buys a round for our group.  Everything just went back to "normal".   We couldn't even find the place the next day ON BIMINI!   Just glad I have my kindeys.

 

RIP Compleat Angler (not that place)

 

Very similar story for me in Bangalore, India. Referred by a rickshaw driver after hours to a place where you knocked on storm shutter and you were let in. You buy a bottle and some mixers. Old Monk and Coke til 5 am in a place that smelled like “Slumdog Millionaire Team Spirit”. 

 

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Back in my late teens/early 20's, when Hollywood was super sketchy and hadn't really been revitalized, we used to hit The Firefly.  It was super divey but had a certain charm.  It got a little run in that Mickey Rourke movie "Barfly."  We used to love that place.  Plus they accepted my janky Kansas drivers license fake ID.

 

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1 hour ago, captained said:

bird hunting near corsicana with a brokerage desk i was at in the mid/late 00s.  one of the owners said he had a great bar close by we should visit in mustang/corsicana.  not enough brain bleach in the world.

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Been there when it was the Mustang Club in the mid 90's. No strippers then, just shit kickers. We spent a couple of years repaving 45 and our plant was a couple miles from there. Became friends with the guy that owned the liquor store (building on the right). He also owned the little 9 hole golf course in town. 

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In college we specialized in dive bars. Some of the best:

Norma's Lounge Hwy 277 near Benbrook TX. Totally nude club in the 70's. They had a Radio Shack 8 track player and speakers on the floor and for the dancers. The dancers we saw were stoned to the bejesus (Luuudes). This was still during the time that regular strippers still had to wear pasties. We saw a guy getting BJ at the table next to us, next to the dance area.

L R Hardies Party. It was in the unincorporated Trinity River bottoms between Fort Worth and Arlington. There was a biker clubhouse a couple of miles away. We were told it belonged to the Bandido's. Hardies was a cinder block building that had flood water marks close to the ceiling. The sign at the door said " You WILL be checked for weapons when entering. If you don't have any proceed to the bar to pick one up. You will need it later". A friend who played in a country band said he later saw a cocaine deal go down in the middle of the dance floor while they were playing.

Sue's Gator Bar, right down the street from L R Hardies. Ran by an old lady who catered to the bikers. We heard her threaten to shoot a couple of guys who was giving her waitresses Mexican boyfriend grief.  She had "Men's Night" every Wednesday. Free beer for men. We drove by and there were at least 50 hard core biker bikes out front. We decided to go to Gilligan's in Arlington and pay for our beer. 

I got more but I'll have to try to bring back memories I tried to suppress years ago.

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29 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

In college we specialized in dive bars. Some of the best:

Norma's Lounge Hwy 277 near Benbrook TX. Totally nude club in the 70's. They had a Radio Shack 8 track player and speakers on the floor and for the dancers. The dancers we saw were stoned to the bejesus (Luuudes). This was still during the time that regular strippers still had to wear pasties. We saw a guy getting BJ at the table next to us, next to the dance area.

L R Hardies Party. It was in the unincorporated Trinity River bottoms between Fort Worth and Arlington. There was a biker clubhouse a couple of miles away. We were told it belonged to the Bandido's. Hardies was a cinder block building that had flood water marks close to the ceiling. The sign at the door said " You WILL be checked for weapons when entering. If you don't have any proceed to the bar to pick one up. You will need it later". A friend who played in a country band said he later saw a cocaine deal go down in the middle of the dance floor while they were playing.

Sue's Gator Bar, right down the street from L R Hardies. Ran by an old lady who catered to the bikers. We heard her threaten to shoot a couple of guys who was giving her waitresses Mexican boyfriend grief.  She had "Men's Night" every Wednesday. Free beer for men. We drove by and there were at least 50 hard core biker bikes out front. We decided to go to Gilligan's in Arlington and pay for our beer. 

I got more but I'll have to try to bring back memories I tried to suppress years ago.

While not sketchy, Gilligan's is a dump. 

Further, the Trinity River bottoms between FW and Arlington is a dump and sketchy.  

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bird hunting near corsicana with a brokerage desk i was at in the mid/late 00s.  one of the owners said he had a great bar close by we should visit in mustang/corsicana.  not enough brain bleach in the world.
mustangcorsicanawispers.jpg



Lol., was gonna post this one up.
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3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Cantina in the industrial area on the north side of Monterrey, Mexico - about 1964. There was a trough in the concrete floor running the length of the bar to piss in without having to leave your barstool. Was too drunk on Bohemia to care about the smell. Clientele was ok about the lone gringo who was accompanied by his two local Mexican friends. So no one got stabbed or shot. 

Known in New Hampshire, Dartmouth specifically, as the or a "gorf."

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The old Antone's on Guadalupe was kind of a shithole but it was never dangerous. Same with Liberty Lunch. Dirty as fuck but pretty safe. The horseshoe lounge had some racist regulars that didn't like drinking with mexicans and would say things but the bar tenders always threw them out  in favor of me. I guess the regulars were gonna come back anyway....no way to change their rut. Only happened maybe 2 times in the dozen that I went there. Usually everybody just minded their own business or yakked it up with a new face.

I went to a bar in Denver that was by my hotel and it ended up being a gay bar. A real dive but I was probably the safest person in there.

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God, I remember the Crazy Lady.  Had a serious crush on one of the servers there. 

Ernie's Chicken Shack - East Austin.  Went on a double date with a co-worker, was trying to hookup with this chick, Sandpaper Sally, but my game was nil and she wasn't having any of it.  Me and SS were just about the only honks in the place, ex-marine co-worker tells me he has my back if anything gets started.  I remember everyone being cool and had no issues, do remember going to piss and only seeing a single toilet bowl, no tank, in the middle surrounded by the bros.  Needless to say, my inadequate ass just held it in.  Stayed out all night and then had to work a double shift the next day...  longest fucking day in my life. 

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3 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

Back in my late teens/early 20's, when Hollywood was super sketchy and hadn't really been revitalized, we used to hit The Firefly.  It was super divey but had a certain charm.  It got a little run in that Mickey Rourke movie "Barfly."  We used to love that place.  Plus they accepted my janky Kansas drivers license fake ID.

 

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I don't remember that place.  Where was it?

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Very similar story for me in Bangalore, India. Referred by a rickshaw driver after hours to a place where you knocked on storm shutter and you were let in. You buy a bottle and some mixers. Old Monk and Coke til 5 am in a place that smelled like “Slumdog Millionaire Team Spirit”. 
 


My buddy and I met some local girls in a Barcelona hostel. We drank there until they kicked everyone out. They told us they knew of a place a couple of blocks away. They led us down a dark deserted alley and the knocked on a door. A few seconds later a little window slid open and a guy said to beat it. I figured the night was over, but the girls said to wait a minute. Two minutes later the door opened and there was a packed illegal bar inside. We drank until sunrise and walked back to the hostel. Those chicks could have easily robbed us, or worse.
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20 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I don't remember that place.  Where was it?

On Vine just south of Hollywood Blvd.  I grew up on what was Vine St which switched to Rossmore when it hit Melrose.  So this was maybe a mile and a half or 2 miles from my house.  Which made drunk driving home manageable.  No, I don’t condone drinking and driving.  But I did it a lot in my youth.

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2 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

On Vine just south of Hollywood Blvd.  I grew up on what was Vine St which switched to Rossmore when it hit Melrose.  So this was maybe a mile and a half or 2 miles from my house.  Which made drunk driving home manageable.  No, I don’t condone drinking and driving.  But I did it a lot in my youth.

I know you were a private school guy, but you would have been Hollywood High?

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32 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I know you were a private school guy, but you would have been Hollywood High?

Fairfax.  But I played AYSO at both Hollywood and Fairfax.  And btw why I went to private school.  LAUSD high schools are a fucking war zone.  I knew a few that ended up at fairfax and only one, because she was super hot and married her way out of there, made anything of themselves.  

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I am also a veteran of the Crazy Lady. It was close to where I lived behind Fiesta off of 38 1/2 so I'd stop by sometimes while riding my bike home from campus after studying.

It wasn't a dump or anything, but I saw a couple having sex on the dance floor at Power Tools in Houston once.  I was told it was a fairly regular event. 

Spent a crazy night slumming in Port Arthur and Beaumont with @Snow Dog and another old friend. Somehow we wound up in Louisiana and managed to avoid arrest. 

So, so many, really.  

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1990, 9th Ward, New Orleans during Jazz Fest, we'd started the night with the Nevilles at Tipitina's like goddamned tourists, but the guy whose house we were staying in "knew a guy who knows a guy," etc., so a lot of shrooms, rum, and 40s later, and we're in this place, I'm not even sure it was technically a bar, could have been a condemned house, really, but it had a couple of wells/counters, and a stage. It might have been an open mike night, not sure -- I know I had an old telecaster in my hands at one point, playing a really drunk shuffle for one song, before passing it of to this girl who must have weighed 350lbs at least, not counting her massive afro, and it may have just been how drunk I was, but Jesus, she could play a mean guitar, and then it all went fuzzy. I'm told we left before a big fight broke out, but I have long since stopped believing anything any of the people I hung out with in those days have to say on pretty much any subject.

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9 hours ago, Crapinon said:

In college we specialized in dive bars. Some of the best:

Norma's Lounge Hwy 277 near Benbrook TX. Totally nude club in the 70's. They had a Radio Shack 8 track player and speakers on the floor and for the dancers. The dancers we saw were stoned to the bejesus (Luuudes). This was still during the time that regular strippers still had to wear pasties. We saw a guy getting BJ at the table next to us, next to the dance area.

L R Hardies Party. It was in the unincorporated Trinity River bottoms between Fort Worth and Arlington. There was a biker clubhouse a couple of miles away. We were told it belonged to the Bandido's. Hardies was a cinder block building that had flood water marks close to the ceiling. The sign at the door said " You WILL be checked for weapons when entering. If you don't have any proceed to the bar to pick one up. You will need it later". A friend who played in a country band said he later saw a cocaine deal go down in the middle of the dance floor while they were playing.

Sue's Gator Bar, right down the street from L R Hardies. Ran by an old lady who catered to the bikers. We heard her threaten to shoot a couple of guys who was giving her waitresses Mexican boyfriend grief.  She had "Men's Night" every Wednesday. Free beer for men. We drove by and there were at least 50 hard core biker bikes out front. We decided to go to Gilligan's in Arlington and pay for our beer. 

I got more but I'll have to try to bring back memories I tried to suppress years ago.

I used to ride by both of those bars daily on the way to work when I lived in Arlington. I rode a raked Honda 550. Thought about stopping a couple of times on hot days when a cool beer would have been gold, but figured the ass kicking wouldn't be worth it.

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Back in my late teens/early 20's, when Hollywood was super sketchy and hadn't really been revitalized, we used to hit The Firefly.  It was super divey but had a certain charm.  It got a little run in that Mickey Rourke movie "Barfly."  We used to love that place.  Plus they accepted my janky Kansas drivers license fake ID.
 
45d885cf783bd06a4a81950a8c808d68.jpg


Holy shit I’ve been there. Two twin brothers used to work at that bar, one of them named Kerry, and they would light the bar on fire by pouring alcohol on it and lighting it with a match. That was a shit hole.
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17 hours ago, Loco said:

Ended up in an illegal bar in Bimini, no sign, no lights out front, just refered to us by a local bar tender...  all the regular bars had closed up and we were still thirsty.  Walked/stumbled in the front door and we were the only Gringos... everything stopped.  I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life.  That lasted 30 seconds and my degenerate buddy walks up to the bar and buys a round for our group.  Everything just went back to "normal".   We couldn't even find the place the next day ON BIMINI!   Just glad I have my kindeys.

 

RIP Compleat Angler (not that place)

 

Loved Compleat Angler, drank a few too many Kalik Gold Extra Strengths there.  Didn’t bode well for going off shore at 6am the next day.

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Anybody ever been to Tradewinds in Dallas? Also the Reagle Beagle was one of the saddest bars full of down and out allies I’ve ever seen on a Tuesday at 11am....wait.


It’s been a while but Tradewinds is alright. The Beagle is gone man. It was a fun scene.
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15 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

I didn't realize poors that stay at Day's Inns had such high standards.

South Wichita, late 80's.  Never would have gone to this place but my best friends brother (drug dealer) said there was gonna be a great band playing there that night.  It was the darkest, tony dungyiest, place I've ever been.  Part of the design were painted body outlines on the floor.  Couldn't figure out if it started with a few legit ones and then they said fuck it and painted in the rest.  He wasn't lying though, as the band that night was indeed good.  Halfway thru the set the lead singer grabbed a chainsaw from behind the drum kit and proceeded to cut his wooden stool up into a 10 smaller pieces.  Some of you may realize who I'm talking about.

Jesse James Dupree?

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3 hours ago, RPM said:

I used to ride by both of those bars daily on the way to work when I lived in Arlington. I rode a raked Honda 550. Thought about stopping a couple of times on hot days when a cool beer would have been gold, but figured the ass kicking wouldn't be worth it.

Yeah, even in our life of frat boy drunken stupor, we figured out we were luck to get out of there alive and quit going. 

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Some biker dump in my parents’ home town.  My dad and I went there one night when he needed to vent after a fight with my sister.  The place was sketchy as shit and the bartender was this big fat girl.  She chatted us up and eventually got around to sharing the fact that she’d just got a new tattoo. 

“Wanna see a picture of it?” She asked. 

“Uh...” we unenthusiastically replied.

Next thing I know, I’m holding a phone and looking at a photo of this bartender’s naked crotch. 

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CSioux City, Falls whatever, Iowa. 10am and it is filled w/Indians drinking tall boys in the parked in the cardboard case half w/ice dumped on top. Many facedown on tables. And we know the issues Indians have w/alcohol.

Weirdest, cycling through Jackson MS Off Natchez Trace and roll i a bar at 11am on Sun that a white person may have never stepped foot in. Decorated mainly with xmas tinsel. A sign behind the bar says No Marijuana Smoking. A giant of a man rolls in in his pimping outfit. A couple hours later I notice the black and white tv is still playing Wizard of Oz.

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Two additional bad news bars:

King & Queens Bar in New Braunfels - just about got my ass kicked there by the regulars until we all started doing shots.

Z Bar in Sugar Land - there is some serious crime being run out of that place. Stay away.

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3 hours ago, Dbeasy said:

 


Holy shit I’ve been there. Two twin brothers used to work at that bar, one of them named Kerry, and they would light the bar on fire by pouring alcohol on it and lighting it with a match. That was a shit hole.

 

YES!  Lighting the bar 9n fire was awesome.  In fact, I think what ultimately shut it down was a fire associated with that little stunt.  I may be wrong, but I seem to remember that was what happened.

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