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The sketchiest/dumpiest bar you've ever been to.


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On 7/27/2019 at 11:40 AM, justhookit said:

Double 

whoever mentioned that strip club outside Aransas Pass on the way to Port A has the right idea. Pretty sure that place was just a straight up whorehouse filled with methheads

I've been to this strip club during a bachelor party.  Watched a guy I know leave with a stripper and take her to a hotel to bang. She was 7/8 months pregnant.  

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4 minutes ago, babysdaddy said:

I've been to this strip club during a bachelor party.  Watched a guy I know leave with a stripper and take her to a hotel to bang. She was 7/8 months pregnant.  

sounds like good planning on his part, if she's already pregnant then he can't get pregnant again.

worst dump I've ever been in was somewhere in Kansas - "the good times corner" - it was supposed to be a strip club, scrawniest ugliest women; there was a separate room by the door with some pool tables. The one time I was there one of the dancers went out in the parking lot to fight a customer, 
I was more afraid of being left there then I ever was in Juarez or anywhere else I've been.

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On 7/26/2019 at 2:00 PM, Wyatt Mann said:

I don't think I have ever been to Critters in Lincoln. Ive been to a few cool trashy bars in Lincoln.

Whiskey River in Baltimore stands out as being trashy. The place smelled like piss.

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In San Antonio, there is(was?) a place called Bikini's at 5010 Rittiman Rd. Its unrelated to the Austin locations. Seriously dirty, seriously scary. Bad neighborhood. Had one beer and left. THought a drive by or a raid was gonna happen at any second. Yeah, this place was worse than any trashy bar Ive been to in Baltimore. The facebook, yelp pages are NOT for this location. The only pic of it I can find is on google maps.

The trashiest worst bar in Austin? I've drunkenly wandered into that Mexican bar at Elmont and Pleasant Valley. I think its something else now. I used to frequent Rack Daddy's on Riverside until it closed. Lots of drugs, fights and fucking at that place.

 

 

 

 

 

Lulz, yep, Rittiman Rd was the place for sleezejoint bars back in the day.

I'll add Dalton's Place in Pleasanton Texas, The Wagon Wheel Club in Jourdanton Texas, and The Last Stand Saloon in San Antonio Texas (oops, I owned that one lol)

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On 7/26/2019 at 3:45 PM, demos said:

It’s a tie:

Some strip club in Killeen. Don’t remember the name because I was 3 sheets to the wind when we got there.

Babydolls (pretty that’s what they were calling it at time), which was a strip club located next to the Angelina River on Hwy 59 near the Nacogdoches county line.

Wholly moley, I remember Baby Dolls.  That was one nasty place back in the mid to late 80's.

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On 7/26/2019 at 4:13 PM, DoobieWah said:

It couldn't have been too sketchy if you can remember the name of it.

My buddy and I decided at the last minute to go to Superbowl XX in New Orleans, (1985?). Got in late Friday night and stopped at the first motel we came to waaaaay down Canal. Went out and hit the first bar we found and it was a dump. Bought some... well...something from a sketchy guy with a weeping bandaged knife wound in his hand. But he was more than happy to share it with us after we paid him, so it was probably "safe".

Same buddy. We're in Austin for a UH game, (his alma mater). Staying at some cheap motel up 35 and went into an I35 strip club. This would have also been the mid-80's so maybe somebody remembers it. Some girl was giving a lap dance and her pill box, (not a euphemism), popped open and pills went everywhere. Suddenly dozens of strippers and patrons were on their hands and knees, (not a euphemism), and looking around for pills. I found two but later inspection couldn't identify them so down the toilet they went.

My buddy died a few years ago from a rare bone marrow cancer and I miss the shit out of him. RIP JC.

Doobie, I was there that night at the Crazy Lady... wholly smoke... Thanks for the memories.  I loved that place for some reason.  Saw a dealer (real douchebag) get a tub of dishwater dumped over his head for getting one of the dancers too wasted to dance.

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On 7/28/2019 at 8:24 AM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

In the mid '90s I'd go out bar hopping with my (now ex-) wife's uncle in NE San Antonio. One of his favorite dives was The Shady Lady off of Seguin in Kirby. Situated between the choice locations of a trailer park, a rail yard, and an industrial district it was pretty rough cut. But beers were cheap. And he lived just up the road.

We made it our last stop there one night after cruising around in his '66 Corvette (convertible) that he'd taken out for the classic car night at that burger place off 410 (not Chester's....the name escapes me). We plopped down at the bar & order a couple beers. Place was dead. The band sucked. A fat old bar whore was jerking off a guy beneath the table in a corner spot. That's when I told my buddy it was time to go. As we headed out into the parking lot we were hit by a horrible stench. A sewer line between the bar & trailer park had backed up. The entire parking lot was covered in shit which we had to walk through to get to his 'vette. 

We trudged through the shit, put our butts in the seats, took off our shoes & left them there in the parking lot. He only lived a couple miles up the road at Woodlake. We were hosing down the tires & undercarriage  in his driveway at 2AM, trying to get the turds off. From there on the Shady Lady was forever known as the Shitty Lady.

I had to go look it up to see if it was still there. It's now known as Who Know's Lounge (you be you, San Antonio). Looking at the photos it doesn't appear anything's changed in 25 years.

Damn, I'm willing to bet I've met half of the posters here... The Shady Lady, Who Knows.. Sheesh I lived in Woodlake and on James Lovell in Kirby.  Do you remember a guy who drove around in a baby blue 55 T-Bird?  That would be me. Or was back then.

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So in the late 80’s when I was about 15 my buddy and I go into Ships on Greenville and Ross in Dallas at about 3 in the afternoon. I walk up to the bar like John Wayne and order a beer like this:

“can I get a beer.”

 

The bartender is all smiles, says “you can, son, but before I serve you, I gotta know if you can keep a secret.”

I said “sure can”.

And this fat, toothless, sad-sack barfly down at the end shouts:

“WANNA GO CAMPING?”

 

 

 

 

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Late 80s, early 90s in Dallas, There was this hole in the wall bar around Lemmon Avenue and Wycliff. It was behind a KFC at the time. Can't remember its name for the life of me.

Walked in with friends. Combination of Mexicans, some blacks, a number of women of ill repute. We look up on the wall, and there is a photo of Jerry Jones and the owner, smiling, arm in arm. We instantly decided this place is for us. Nothing happened that trip but ...

I took my younger brother there one night. Cheap beer is flowing like gentle rain from heaven. A relatively ok looking trollop starts to get sweet on my brother. He then asked me for my car keys (it was an old, 1984 Mercedes 240D.) He said, I"m about to get my $20 worth!

So, about 5 minutes after they left, I stroll outside, see his head in the backseat, walk over, the trollop is blowjoying him in the backseat... Jebus. 

I go back inside, have a beer and wait. Not too long afterwards, they both come back in, walk up to me. Well, she has braces on her teeth.

I look at him and simply ask, "Uh James. you got any scrape marks down there bro? Do you need to get a tetanus shot? She failed to see the humor.

I think that place burned down. I'm sure the insurance company probably rubbed up against the owner's gambling and drug debts and produced a spark.

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35 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

So in the late 80’s when I was about 15 my buddy and I go into Ships on Greenville and Ross in Dallas at about 3 in the afternoon. I walk up to the bar like John Wayne and order a beer like this:

“can I get a beer.”

 

The bartender is all smiles, says “you can, son, but before I serve you, I gotta know if you can keep a secret.”

I said “sure can”.

And this fat, toothless, sad-sack barfly down at the end shouts:

“WANNA GO CAMPING?”

 

 

 

 

Ships was the best.  Haven't been in since they re-did it.  

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4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

On the occasions that they had a band, Charlie would make them play Long Black Veil and he insisted on getting up on stage and singing with them. The bands were always gawd awful to begin with, but he made it 1000x worse with the most tone deaf version of Johnny Cash ever. It was painful. 

Charlie had transitioned to "Bad Moon Rising" by the time we discovered the place and you're absolutely right... it was a tone deaf rendition belted out with such disregard for the sanctity of music that I can still hear it to this day. 🤣

 

On 7/28/2019 at 1:20 PM, workswithseed said:

But why?

My high school Spanish III 'expertise' was heavily compromised by the Coronitas but what I could gather from the couple of locals we'd friended there was that the
guy was known for being half crazy, fully drunk, and didn't take too kindly to the bar being infiltrated by gringo kids. 

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Ships doesn't really hit the scary / sketchy radar, but yeah... great bar. Even after the reno, still a great bar.  

 

I haven’t been in there in 27 years but late 80s-early 90s Ships was the end of the line and featured occasional indoor panhandling.

 

One of my favorite places ever.

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6 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Damn, I'm willing to bet I've met half of the posters here... The Shady Lady, Who Knows.. Sheesh I lived in Woodlake and on James Lovell in Kirby.  Do you remember a guy who drove around in a baby blue 55 T-Bird?  That would be me. Or was back then.

Ho-Lee-Shit. World's are colliding. My ex's mom lived off Kazen in Kirby. The uncle was in Woodlake (if he's still alive he's in Windcrest; dude was a great golfer & his daughter--no pics--got a schollie to Sam Houston State). The guy was quite the artist & did lots of bar logos around San Antonio in the '70s and early '80s. He even did a pen & ink drawing of the San Antonio skyline that was used on an official city document for many years. Guy was damn near a golfing, civil service version of the big Lebowski.

The Pour House. Chevy's. The Thursty Turtle. If you tell me you went to the I Don't Know Yet Lounge off Babcock I'm about 99% certain we've had beers together. The ex's dad drank at the IDKY. He actually left her mom for a bartender who worked there for 20+ years. That was about the most depressing bar I've ever been in. Just went there a few times when we had to go see the old man.

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24 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Ho-Lee-Shit. World's are colliding. My ex's mom lived off Kazen in Kirby. The uncle was in Woodlake (if he's still alive he's in Windcrest; dude was a great golfer & his daughter--no pics--got a schollie to Sam Houston State). The guy was quite the artist & did lots of bar logos around San Antonio in the '70s and early '80s. He even did a pen & ink drawing of the San Antonio skyline that was used on an official city document for many years. Guy was damn near a golfing, civil service version of the big Lebowski.

The Pour House. Chevy's. The Thursty Turtle. If you tell me you went to the I Don't Know Yet Lounge off Babcock I'm about 99% certain we've had beers together. The ex's dad drank at the IDKY. He actually left her mom for a bartender who worked there for 20+ years. That was about the most depressing bar I've ever been in. Just went there a few times when we had to go see the old man.

"The Pour House" I couldn't think of that to save my life. Yep, hit the IDKY on a regular basis.

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10 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Isn't that place BYOB? Can't really call it a bar if you have to supply your own.

I’m from Longview. The unnamed strip club on Gilmer Road is more sketch than Jaguars imo. Hell walking through the drunk and high homeless to just get inside is like foreplay.

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@Shooter12, do you remember the name of the lounge older couples used to go to off 410 right behind Magic Time Machine? I think it's a La Fonda's now. The place wasn't sketchy at all--it was actually quite nice--and was a blast to go there & have rich old cougars buy you drinks. 

I don't know if any city can match San Antonio, pound for pound, for lovable shithole bars.

Edited by GhostOfTomJoad
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In '75 I went on a school sponsored trip to Galveston. We were bored senseless stuck at the hotel so we convinced our football coach chaperones to drive us down the seawall and drop us off at a bar called the Bamboo Hut, under the pretense of listening to a band called Inferno. We were all 14 -16 years old, they didn't care and neither did the bar. It was a concrete slab poured on the beach with cyclone fencing stuffed with bamboo for walls. They never once asked us for ID'S. About half way through the bands set, some drunk ran across the dance floor towards the stage waving a BIG knife over his head and tried to stab the lead singer. As he tried to climb on the stage the band all picked up their microphone stands and beat the hell out of the guy. Then the Galveston cops came and beat him some more. They pulled him feet first up the steps  with his head hitting every step as they pulled him out. When we stumbled out several hours later he was still in the cop car in the parking lot bleeding profusely from all the beatings. I don't remember how sketchy it really was, but at 16 it made quite an impression. And it also taught me not to talk back to the Galveston cops. They didn't mess around.

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1 hour ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

@Shooter12, do you remember the name of the lounge older couples used to go to off 410 right behind Magic Time Machine? I think it's a La Fonda's now. The place wasn't sketchy at all--it was actually quite nice--and was a blast to go there & have rich old cougars buy you drinks. 

I don't know if any city can match San Antonio, pound for pound, for lovable shithole bars.

Crap, I know what you're talking about but can't remember the name.... very interesting place to go....to say the least.

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I'm driving the blue lines enroute to Dallas and there appears to be a nice, modest joint w/a couple of cars out front. So I head in and everyone is watching tv serving themselves out of a fridge. Not much conversation as everyone is focused on Wheel of Fortune. 

Realize after beer #2 that I'm in someone's home.

Edited by Nolacycling
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10 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I’m from Longview. The unnamed strip club on Gilmer Road is more sketch than Jaguars imo. Hell walking through the drunk and high homeless to just get inside is like foreplay.

The one down close to 80? I thought that had been converted into a church? Add J's Place over in the whore district of 80 to places that are probably sketchier than Jaguar's. 

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Houston people help me out here.

We were attending ISU at Aggy in '09 and the Friday before the game stayed at my buddy's place in Spring/Conroe area.  He took us to a bar by the George Bush airport that he said was called either Hoot County or Hook County.  According to Google, today there's a place called Hoot County near there that's in a strip mall type setting, but that definitely isn't the bar.

It was on a lightly traveled road in an undeveloped swampy area south of the airport.  It had a gravel parking lot, and the front half of the facility had a dirt floor.  The building was basically a shack.  You could order a "nipple beer", which meant the bartender opened a bottle of beer, lifted her top up, pressed the open beer next to her exposed nipples, and violently shook it before slamming it on the table as beer sprayed everywhere.

I don't know that it was the sketchiest or dumpiest bar I've been to, but it had a little of both going on, and was an absolute blast.

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1 hour ago, LonghornJones said:

Whats the name of that strip club on LaSalle?

Show Time!

Sonny's BYOB off of Loop 340 actually had some outstanding all nude talent at times. Met a few of their employees at a bachelor party once and was not disappointed.

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29 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Houston people help me out here.

We were attending ISU at Aggy in '09 and the Friday before the game stayed at my buddy's place in Spring/Conroe area.  He took us to a bar by the George Bush airport that he said was called either Hoot County or Hook County.  According to Google, today there's a place called Hoot County near there that's in a strip mall type setting, but that definitely isn't the bar.

It was on a lightly traveled road in an undeveloped swampy area south of the airport.  It had a gravel parking lot, and the front half of the facility had a dirt floor.  The building was basically a shack.  You could order a "nipple beer", which meant the bartender opened a bottle of beer, lifted her top up, pressed the open beer next to her exposed nipples, and violently shook it before slamming it on the table as beer sprayed everywhere.

I don't know that it was the sketchiest or dumpiest bar I've been to, but it had a little of both going on, and was an absolute blast.

I go to the strip center Hoot from time to time to meet a client that likes that spot.  Its not shady.

 

Surprising lack of Houston area bars on this list.  

 

I'll add Didys as easily the sketchiest inner loop bar I have been to.  Makes Lolas look like Anvil.

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6 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

That was me, and do you recall a name? 

Also, I'm really impressed with your friends ability to engage in sex with anything that worked there as well as his total disregard for his own health. I seriously don't know that I could have gotten hard with any of them, but I surely picky like that. 

I’m sure it had a name, but I’m coming up blank. It’s been gone a pretty long time now. And that wasn’t my friend it was another poster that made that comment. Like I mentioned I heard that especially towards the end that place was a straight up whorehouse. Maybe the dude had a thing for pregnant women.

Edited by justhookit
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5 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Houston people help me out here.

We were attending ISU at Aggy in '09 and the Friday before the game stayed at my buddy's place in Spring/Conroe area.  He took us to a bar by the George Bush airport that he said was called either Hoot County or Hook County.  According to Google, today there's a place called Hoot County near there that's in a strip mall type setting, but that definitely isn't the bar.

It was on a lightly traveled road in an undeveloped swampy area south of the airport.  It had a gravel parking lot, and the front half of the facility had a dirt floor.  The building was basically a shack.  You could order a "nipple beer", which meant the bartender opened a bottle of beer, lifted her top up, pressed the open beer next to her exposed nipples, and violently shook it before slamming it on the table as beer sprayed everywhere.

I don't know that it was the sketchiest or dumpiest bar I've been to, but it had a little of both going on, and was an absolute blast.

Was just there at the current Hoot County for the first time 5 nights ago at the recommendation of my BIL. Walked over from the Sheraton across the street. 

Fun place. Really varied crowd at midnight, but they all totally meshed. Had a blast. If I had only known to inquire about the Nipple Beer, dammit. 

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I go to the strip center Hoot from time to time to meet a client that likes that spot.  Its not shady.
 
Surprising lack of Houston area bars on this list.  
 
I'll add Didys as easily the sketchiest inner loop bar I have been to.  Makes Lolas look like Anvil.
Ah didys sport bar. Got dragged there a few times. Actually won a couple hundred bucks at the slot machines as the rest of the crew was doing blow in the bathroom.

There is a bar across the street from lei lo on N Main that is a full on cantina complete with rooms upstairs. Stumbled in there once. Ordered a beer took a look around the room then chugged my beer tipped handsomely and walked out.
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9 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Since we have shifted to shitty titters, the Crazy Lady has to be mentioned but The Landing Strip (or whatever it's called now) is by far the most repulsive in Austin. I stopped in for some Jameson after being picked up at the airport by a Surlster who shall not be named.

After several drinks, it actually became comical. I had no interest in fat cholas, but Vic would have been in heaven.

Username checks out

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20 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

@Shooter12, do you remember the name of the lounge older couples used to go to off 410 right behind Magic Time Machine? I think it's a La Fonda's now. The place wasn't sketchy at all--it was actually quite nice--and was a blast to go there & have rich old cougars buy you drinks. 

I don't know if any city can match San Antonio, pound for pound, for lovable shithole bars.

 

18 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Crap, I know what you're talking about but can't remember the name.... very interesting place to go....to say the least.

That would be Raffles. It was an octogenarian singles bar. The guy who owned it played for the Pirates for a minute. I once saw some old dude have a heart attack  on the dance floor there. They also had great enchiladas on Tuesdays for lunch.

The Mineshaft bar in the Magic Time Machine right behind it is still a good dive. Depending on what time you are there, the entertainment consists of watching families eat their shitty overpriced food or drinking with Pippy Longstocking or Captain Jack Sparrow after they get off of work.

19 hours ago, Lat22 said:

Toro Bravo in Cabo. Circa 1996. 

Toro Bravo looked like the fucking Ritz compared to the Casa Blanca motel where the putas take you after you've negotiated with them.

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11 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

The one down close to 80? I thought that had been converted into a church? Add J's Place over in the whore district of 80 to places that are probably sketchier than Jaguar's. 

Haven’t been by there in a few years - it was tiny though so unless they knocked it down I don’t see how it could be a church. 

Of course Longview turns movie theaters and craft stores into churches so if the glove fits ...

I’ll be back in town in two weeks and report back.

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I've been to some pretty low rent country bars in North Texas. They were usually somebody's barn that was converted into a honky tonk. Upside was they were so remote, cops weren't a problem because you could backroad it home. Downside is the hvac was always shit.

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Since we have shifted to shitty titters, the Crazy Lady has to be mentioned but The Landing Strip (or whatever it's called now) is by far the most repulsive in Austin. I stopped in for some Jameson after being picked up at the airport by a Surlster who shall not be named.

After several drinks, it actually became comical. I had no interest in fat cholas, but Vic would have been in heaven.

I am the reason there’s a titty bar where the Landing Strip is.

 

See, back in the day, it was the relocated Red Rose. The old Red Rose was on Ben White, but got bought out by TXDOT when they expanded the road. They had the money from that, and wanted to relocate. I was a law clerk at a dinky little firm to make some extra cash while I was in school.

 

They gave me a list of locations, and told me to look at the regs and restrictions on each location, and recommend one. So I did. And they followed my rec. A few years later, it changed owners and name.

 

You’re welcome.

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Not so much sketchy as insane.

Anyone recall the Across the Street bar (I'm pretty sure that was the name) mid-90's near the Cotton Bowl post OU games?  25 cent pitchers.  One could buy 4 pitchers of beer for a dollar.  I'd buy 6, drop a couple, hand a couple to other UT fans, and still have 2 pitchers left.  I have no idea how,

1) This place made any money and,

2) How I didn't die.

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