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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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5 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

So, your wife is one of those idiots responsible for clearing out the grocery stores?

So sorry, man.

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This doesnt belong here but sometimes you have to applaud your wife on her dumb luck. I quit drinking save for the random drink when we go out to eat here and there. We are self preventative quarantined and I had been quietly thinking a beer or 2 would be nice while I am just sitting around at night. She ordered heb delivery and got me a case of beer without asking me. They delivered 2 cases and only charged us for 1. excited love u GIF by i-love-you

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So, your wife is one of those idiots responsible for clearing out the grocery stores?
So sorry, man.

Not really. She didn’t get anything useful like pasta, rice, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, etc. but if there is a shortage of skateboarding shoes or butternut squashes then I’m in the clear.


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7 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

Thanks for the ex-wife PTSD trigger asshole

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18 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

She shops at a dedicated dog food store?

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