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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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20 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.

 

It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

You can give it to @Mo Horn or @Pato del Muerto , apparently they tolerate that shit 

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51 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.

 

It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

Hey emeril, cut it half lengthwise, hit it with some pepper and olive oil, and bake for about half an hour. Then eat it. 

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2 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Hey emeril, cut it half lengthwise, hit it with some pepper and olive oil, and bake for about half an hour. Then eat it. 

Dude. Cut in half, hollow a little out, put in half stick of butter and brown sugar and roast.

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18 minutes ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

Welcome young patriot.  Welcome to this thread.  You can find comfort here.  

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We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.
I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.
I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.
An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

I hope it’s lays salt and vinegar at least
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2 hours ago, lateshow said:

Wife and I went grocery shopping on Saturday. The back of the Tahoe was full of groceries. Well, I guess i pulled into the neighborhood a little too fast for her liking. 

Mrs. Lateshow: Whoa, slow down and quit driving like Houdini!

So are we thinking Andretti was the attempt here?

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1 minute ago, Reagan1k said:

Buddy's wife is telling everyone she knows that since interest rates are now 0%, she's looking to borrow $1mil to buy vacation property to VRBO

She "saw it on the news" and can't be persuaded otherwise. 

He's decided to tell her to go for it as long as she can get it at 0% and is going to let her go see their banker.

I'm guessing she thinks that 0% means principal and interest. 

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On 3/18/2020 at 2:05 PM, luke duke said:

One isn't too bad, but it isn't something that you would drink all night.

 

On 3/18/2020 at 2:20 PM, Angry Gorilla said:

How do I drink it?

Neat?
On the rocks?
Mixed with Yoohoo?
As a shot with a jelly chaser?

With all these options, good thing she got a handle!

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5 hours ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

triggered by fudge-striped cookies reference

 

 

 

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5 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Against my better judgement, I broke into the peanut butter whiskey.

Serving #1: Neat

f6e012822406d30900f6272b924a3504.jpg

It smells like the rotten peanut you get when you are eating peanuts out the shell and you have to eat another one quickly to get the taste out of your mouth.

The initial taste is the fake sweet peanut butter found in Reese’s, but with a lot more sugar. Following that is a distinct taste of rubber.

What a helluva time to be alive.   

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43 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Against my better judgement, I broke into the peanut butter whiskey.

Serving #1: Neat

f6e012822406d30900f6272b924a3504.jpg

It smells like the rotten peanut you get when you are eating peanuts out the shell and you have to eat another one quickly to get the taste out of your mouth.

The initial taste is the fake sweet peanut butter found in Reese’s, but with a lot more sugar. Following that is a distinct taste of rubber.

repped for bravery. 

 You should keep drinking (and crank up the drunk thread again)until you get the peanut butter farts and report how Mrs. AG feels about those.

Edited by PhillyD
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6 hours ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

Those Fig Newmans can be quite filling. 

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Serving #4: as a shot with strawberry jelly

22164381bcc1b95901f2cc2cab0e8e7b.jpg

I should have used the jelly as a chaser. It was thicker and sunk to bottom so when I took the shot the peanut awfulness came first, which caused me to gag a little before the jelly fell into my mouth. Trying to swallow a thick liquid while trying not to puke is hard (that’s what she said)

When I asked a guy at the liquor store about Screwballs he told me girls had mixed it with chambord and frangelica to make PB&J shots.
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1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #2: On the rocks

e6370dc2ac992cd48c5866a4d6ebc9fe.jpg

Not surprisingly it tastes very similar to serving #1, but colder. But somehow the ice and tiny bit of water really bring out the sweetness. It’s like I took a spoonful of peanut butter then dipped it into Fun Dip.

You have enough TP for the peanut butter shits?

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