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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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2 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #8: as a shot with a lime chaser

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People use limes to cover up tequila shots right? And you might think the sourness would counteract the sweetness. Well you would be fucking wrong. I could barely taste the lime, and it somehow made a chemical reaction that made a peanut butter whiskey tasted paste that’s stuck in my mouth and I can’t wash out. My dog won’t come to me when I call her anymore.

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4 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #9: Infused with actual peanuts

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You know that face a baby makes when you give it a lemon? That’s what I’m doing with each drink. I’m craving the inevitable blackout, but not only does this bottle taste like asshole, it’s only fucking 60 proof. Maybe I should start mixing it with real whiskey. Or bleach.

I would highly recommend going to the back yard and forcing the oncoming vomit fest.  Tomorrow will be ugly otherwise 

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I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.
 
It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.
You assume she's been buying it for it's edible properties.
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On 2/2/2020 at 11:19 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

She came home from target tonight with about 7 boxes of noodles and 7 jars of ragu. My mother in law is a saint... but she also is one of those internet/conspiracy freak out type so she got in my wife’s head about the dangers of corona virus in case we need to stay home for x amount of days.

 

15 days, to be exact.

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Angry Gorilla may have inadvertently discovered the cure to the coronas!  Also, Angry Gorilla needs to become party of the Surly lexicon like Angry Dolphin. When a wife does something stupid you could be like "after that shit I went full Angry Gorilla on her" or "I got Angry Gorillad by my wife" when she buys something totally useless.  Maybe Mitch Cumsteen's wife and Angry Gorilla's wives need to meet?

Edited by Hate
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42 minutes ago, Modessit said:
12 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:
I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.
 
It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

You assume she's been buying it for it's edible properties.

I mean, hopefully on South Austin’s mom’s ass can take that girth 

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8 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Sad to say I had to throw in the towel. Just puked all over the toilet. Had to switch to tasty beer and some online poker.

I wonder if Nicole ever bought OJ peanut butter whiskey. Would explain a lot.

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You didn't get any puke on the new checkered Van's did you?  

Thanks for the play by play on the PB moonshine.  You're our kind of idiot.  

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You have enough TP for the peanut butter shits?

Turns out I have plenty. When there is an explosion and your bowels empty out in
I’ve brushed my teeth ~10 times and still have a faint taste in my mouth.

The good news is I think my dog has forgiven me.

I’m going to go sit in the sauna later and try to sweat out this nastiness.
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2 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:


Turns out I have plenty. When there is an explosion and your bowels empty out in
I’ve brushed my teeth ~10 times and still have a faint taste in my mouth.

The good news is I think my dog has forgiven me.

I’m going to go sit in the sauna later and try to sweat out this nastiness.

that had to be the most rank smelling puke ever.

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