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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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i mentioned a few times the contradiction of my wife being obstinately clean, but messy.

 

similar thing applies to the fridge. 

for me anything that doesnt look bad or smell bad or feel bad, is edible.

for her, if its 1 day before the date of expiration, its bad.  if chicken has been at home for 2 days, its bad. leftover from 1 night?  its bad.

 

nobody is allowed to eat it.

 

but she wont throw the motherfucker away!!! 

Edited by 52-80
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15 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #9: Infused with actual peanuts

2d7bf25b3be4445fa5f004c6cdef3cac.jpg

You know that face a baby makes when you give it a lemon? That’s what I’m doing with each drink. I’m craving the inevitable blackout, but not only does this bottle taste like asshole, it’s only fucking 60 proof. Maybe I should start mixing it with real whiskey. Or bleach.

This is how Chlorantine is done.  You are magnificent.

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2 hours ago, PantsTent said:

Brilliant!  I love how the bottle level kept going down with each picture.  Things got weird at the protein shake.  Banana luge was creative.  I was crying by the time the shot glass full of peanuts hit.  Well done...

That is what was killing me.  

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6 hours ago, General Specific said:


This looks like a case where if it smells like fish, oh what a dish does not apply!

Who comes up with this shit? Next thing you know, someone will sell their vaginal sent as perfume!

You mean ... like HER?   In the 2011 movie, "Contagion," Gwyneth Paltrow played the role of "Patient Zero." She spread a deadly worldwide virus in part, because she had sex with a lover, infecting him with the deadly virus. Millions died.

Fast forward to January 2020. Gwyneth Paltrow announces a candle that smells like ... her delicate lady parts. The next thing we know... coronavirus appears... and spreads like wildfire becoming a deadly, worldwide virus!

Coincidence? I think not. Obviously Gwyneth Paltrow's delicate lady parts are the cause of Covid-19!

LIFE IMITATING ART !!!!

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Image may contain: 1 person, candles
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Wife decided that the next panic run we're going to have is on gas, so she went and filled both of our cars up.  I live a mile from my work and the last two months, I have driven once a week because of night class, so I have literally been driving 2 miles a week.  And now my car has 16+ gallons of gas in it, and at 30 MPG, that gas should last me about 6 months, which I'm sure is going to be really good for the engine.

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55 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife decided that the next panic run we're going to have is on gas, so she went and filled both of our cars up.  I live a mile from my work and the last two months, I have driven once a week because of night class, so I have literally been driving 2 miles a week.  And now my car has 16+ gallons of gas in it, and at 30 MPG, that gas should last me about 6 months, which I'm sure is going to be really good for the engine.

I bought a pump syphon for days like this.  PM me your address 

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife decided that the next panic run we're going to have is on gas, so she went and filled both of our cars up.  I live a mile from my work and the last two months, I have driven once a week because of night class, so I have literally been driving 2 miles a week.  And now my car has 16+ gallons of gas in it, and at 30 MPG, that gas should last me about 6 months, which I'm sure is going to be really good for the engine.

You might want to buy some gas stabilizer. 
 

did you bother asking her why gas would go away when nobody is driving right now, or choose to keep the peace?

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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Proof I am not making shit up:
 
07ef4f36d2ee6a16ccf62d4428c551cb.jpg
 
On edit the white bottle is bleach. Not sure of the new guy on the right or what he does, says liquid oxyclean, but we already have a 5 pound tub of powder so this totally makes sense.
That's your own damn fault. We told you to leave it alone. You created a vacuum and it got filled.
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On 3/21/2020 at 2:20 PM, Beau Vine said:

Wife decided that the next panic run we're going to have is on gas, so she went and filled both of our cars up.  I live a mile from my work and the last two months, I have driven once a week because of night class, so I have literally been driving 2 miles a week.  And now my car has 16+ gallons of gas in it, and at 30 MPG, that gas should last me about 6 months, which I'm sure is going to be really good for the engine.

Uh, that is about the worst thing you can do to your engine.  It needs to get up to running temp for a while else the moisture condensation that is in your crankcase will not evaporate and over time your engine will build up sludge that will fuck it up.  Same with the moisture in your exhaust system.  If it doesn't get up to full temp on the reg it will be prone to rust.

I learned this the hard way when I lived1 mile from the office.

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20 hours ago, Ten Bears said:

Uh, that is about the worst thing you can do to your engine.  It needs to get up to running temp for a while else the moisture condensation that is in your crankcase will not evaporate and over time your engine will build up sludge that will fuck it up.  Same with the moisture in your exhaust system.  If it doesn't get up to full temp on the reg it will be prone to rust.

I learned this the hard way when I lived1 mile from the office.

Sounds like a perfect excuse to go park the drive at idle and listen to a podcast or some music and have an hour a day of alone time  preventative vehicle maintenance.

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22 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Sounds like a perfect excuse to go park the drive at idle and listen to a podcast or some music and have an hour a day of alone time  preventative vehicle maintenance.

My next door neighbor does this almost every evening. He sits in his truck, smokes his cigar, has his cocktail, and listens to podcasts or watches YouTube for an hour or more. Waves to all who pass, chats with those that stop to chat. Super nice guy. I asked him why he doesn’t do it on his back patio. He said it’s more comfortable in his truck, and he can control the climate there. 

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