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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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6 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

Can't believe I'm asking this but I'm assuming...hard boiled?  Or is the goal to break the she....never fucking mind. 

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10 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

If only there was a type of sexual health device specifically designed to strengthen the pelvic floor available by just making a few clicks on the internet.

 

Also, the bold part, what part of stuck at home mean go to someone else's house and play cards, until I remembered Karens.  

Also, Also,  RIP your bar.

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47 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

You're not wrong. I always thought the Karens I hang with were a little cray for trying to get me to join the Essential Oil Dark Side, but poultry products have never entered the conversation unless someone shares a fried chicken recipe.

Then I guess it is up to you!

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19 hours ago, blacklab said:

A few minutes later I go into the bathroom and I count 4 pairs of shoes spread out across the floor, including in the path you'd walk on.

Wat part 2.

 

Who are these aliens y'all live with that leave shoes in active areas of the house? This is baffling even as a married guy.

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I found out why we still have plenty of TP at the house, and it's due to one of her famously annoying stupid habits paying off.  

About a week before the lockdown, wife went grocery shopping.  Like she usually does, she didn't take the actual grocery list; she took a picture of it.  And of course, left the list there, didn't cross anything out.  So of course, the next week when I went shopping, I bought everything on the list.  Again.  I call this double-shopping.

And that's how the Vine family became the first toilet paper hoarders, with 2 24-packs for a household of 2.

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8 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I found out why we still have plenty of TP at the house, and it's due to one of her famously annoying stupid habits paying off.  

About a week before the lockdown, wife went grocery shopping.  Like she usually does, she didn't take the actual grocery list; she took a picture of it.  And of course, left the list there, didn't cross anything out.  So of course, the next week when I went shopping, I bought everything on the list.  Again.  I call this double-shopping.

And that's how the Vine family became the first toilet paper hoarders, with 2 24-packs for a household of 2.

There are several of us here that know where you live. 

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2 hours ago, ABSR said:

Then I guess it is up to you!

Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.

Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.

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You're not wrong. I always thought the Karens I hang with were a little cray for trying to get me to join the Essential Oil Dark Side, but poultry products have never entered the conversation unless someone shares a fried chicken recipe.

Anything is an egg if you’re brave enough.
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Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.
Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.
We're going to need pics of you wearing the spiky heels. And only the spiky heels. Unless there are some nice stockings that match well.
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17 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

I'll be in my bunk.....

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5 hours ago, hullabelew said:

It is actually preferred.  

yeah.  'crotch' makes it sound....infected.

--------

so my hearing sucks, ok.  one of the ways I cope with it is to ask yes or no questions.  easy to tell the audible difference, gets right to the point of what  I need to know.  in 15 years of marital bliss, I have yet to receive a 'yes' or 'no' as a first response.

ex, just now.

me:  did you get the mail?

her:  [50-word inaudible reply from the other room]

me:  was that a yes or no?

her:  no

 

rinse, repeat.

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Also regarding the egg in (or actually coming out of) the cooch, anyone ever go to bachelor party in Houston when the Salad Sisters were doing their thing?

Eggs, stack of quarters, flashlight, basically anything not nailed down... no pun intended!

I like to blame them for my obsessions. But, truth be told, I was long gone way before I saw them in action.

Confirmation bias? /s
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3 hours ago, Modessit said:
4 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:
Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.
Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.

Read more  

We're going to need pics of you wearing the spiky heels. And only the spiky heels. Unless there are some nice stockings that match well.

 

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

with garters

denzel washington GIF

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2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Ah, a Herb Albert fan, Whipped Cream and Other Delights

And the Tijuana Brass; my parents had that album. They kept all the albums from when they were young for nostalgia's sake. I think my older brother has them now.

Y'all are a hoot, lucky are your wives and girlfriends.

Can't speak for the other wives, but spiky black heels and a *LBD are a wardrobe must. Works for a lot of occasions. Husband is a big fan.

 

 

 

*Little black dress, tastefully low cut front and back.

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3 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

And the Tijuana Brass; my parents had that album. They kept all the albums from when they were young for nostalgia's sake. I think my older brother has them now.

Y'all are a hoot, lucky are your wives and girlfriends.

Can't speak for the other wives, but spiky black heels and a *LBD are a wardrobe must. Works for a lot of occasions. Husband is a big fan.

 

 

 

*Little black dress, tastefully low cut front and back.

I've still got that album.  I ripped it off from my sister when I was 9.

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19 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:

I know this has been covered but I'm watching the rose bowl, wide is cleaning before the maid comes tomorrow. I just don't get it.

 

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I bet your wife isn’t that fat

No probably not, but if she catches one of Vics' gals cleaning there will be hell to pay.

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