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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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On 4/29/2020 at 8:10 AM, SuperSport said:

Hey did y'all know that "Geronimo!" is just something you yell when jumping into the pool?..it doesn't have any historical origins or context or anything.  Wife told me.

michael jordan laughing GIF

this is brilliant.

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23 hours ago, chikin23 said:

I'm always reminded of this when I hear people talk about living healthy.
 

Huge fan of Hicks, but I had never heard that bit before.  And once again, I find another bit that Denis Leary stole from another comedian and passed off as his own.  I mean Leary does the Jim Fixx thing almost word for word, now I see where it came from.  Fucking guy.  

Anyway, back to cast iron skillet discussions.  

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On 4/29/2020 at 1:37 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

Only if you had this bumper sticker. The law is the law:

ass-grass150.jpeg

Older cousin had this on the passenger door window of his van in the late-70s.  Van was tricked out with brushed al mag wheels, mural on the side and the requisite bed in the back.  Mom would't let us go riding around with him, guess she was afraid he was going to corrupt us.

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On 5/2/2020 at 11:06 PM, The Ace of Aces said:

The wife doesn’t eat dessert. Or meat. Or dressings on her salad. She is incredibly healthy and willl outlive me, which is fine. 
 

Tonight she said if someone paid her $1,000 to eat an oatmeal raisin cookie she would, but she’d need $10,000 to eat a chocolate chip cookie.

 

Any new wife suggestions?

I think it's something beyond what you're comprehending.....oatmeal would be a white asshole, therefore

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4 hours ago, eljinca said:

Last night I was in another room walking into our living room when I had this exchange:

Me: Can you flip the channel over to ESPN?

Wife: What channel is that?

Me: 560.

Wife: Is that up or down?

Me: What?

Wife: Is that up or down from what I'm watching.

Me: I can't see what you are watching and have no idea what channel you are watching. Go to 560.

Wife: I'm going through the guide, I'm almost there.

Me: ------

Wife: Found it! For next time, ESPN was down.

Me: Sure thing.

 

My wife is a doctor.

 

 

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4 hours ago, eljinca said:

Last night I was in another room walking into our living room when I had this exchange:

Me: Can you flip the channel over to ESPN?

Wife: What channel is that?

Me: 560.

Wife: Is that up or down?

Me: What?

Wife: Is that up or down from what I'm watching.

Me: I can't see what you are watching and have no idea what channel you are watching. Go to 560.

Wife: I'm going through the guide, I'm almost there.

Me: ------

Wife: Found it! For next time, ESPN was down.

Me: Sure thing.

 

My wife is a doctor.

Perfect.  Juuuuuust perfect.  

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With everything going on lately, we’ve been trying to support our local farmers by buying direct from them.

Over the weekend we decided we’d look into buying half a cow since we have the freezer space and there’s some concern over the supply line over the next couple of months.

She blasts her local redneck friends for recommendations yesterday morning and by noon, we’re all set. Awesome.

She comes home from work yesterday and says a couple of her co-workers want in on it. Then she says her mom only wants a couple of pounds of ground beef and to see if my family wants anything.

I told her to stop, we had decided to do this to stock up the freezer, not to sell a couple of pounds of meat to everyone she knows.

I told her I know how things would end up, I’ll pay for the beef and she’d end up selling all the good stuff to her coworkers for cash and I’ll have paid 1200 for 60 lbs of ground beef.

Think once it comes in, I’ll make use of the lock on the deep freezer for the first time.

Hopefully there’ll be another stimulus check in your account to do it the right way
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Wife woke me up at 0545 with her tossing and turning. When I stirred, she said "Oh, are you up too?".  I said I am now. She told me she'd been awake for an hour and she'd "Never get back to sleep now!". Ten mintues later, she's sawing logs. After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I said fuck it and got up. 

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One more...wife discussing when to put our 2.5 year old back in preschool. I commented that I didn’t feel like paying extra money to put him in school and have him get sick all the time. We are already paying for a nanny to watch him and the 1 year old.

She thinks about it for a little and says “well we did put him in school during the flu season this past year”. I had to remind her that he caught the flu and it was miserable. I don’t feel like paying for him to potentially catch the Coronavirus and make our entire family miserable when we are already paying for a nanny that will be coming to the house no matter what to watch the 1 year old.

My tone and logic were not appreciated whatsoever. Apparently his social skills are just going to disappear without this preschool experience. I told her don’t worry he can be just as anti-social as his Dad. It has been working for me thus far...

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Not really stupid wives stuff, but a good place to leave this. Those of you looking for a last minute gift for the wife/mom, my kids and I just spent a couple hours thoroughly detailing the wife's car. She really appreciated the communal effort and the car is shining like new
185d043c7b46b31b2350b28ab1bf79b7.jpg

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15 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Not really stupid wives stuff, but a good place to leave this. Those of you looking for a last minute gift for the wife/mom, my kids and I just spent a couple hours thoroughly detailing the wife's car. She really appreciated the communal effort and the car is shining like new
185d043c7b46b31b2350b28ab1bf79b7.jpg

Arcadia area of LA?

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33 minutes ago, 66BUFF said:

Arcadia area of LA?

Altadena (one of the hidden gems IMO)

21 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Buick? I didn't know you were 80. 

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

Edited by Sbbruin
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7 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Altadena (one of the hidden gems IMO)

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

I don’t think there’s much difference between your enclave and my Acadia ride wise, maybe some extra noise insulation and a gaudier interior in yours. I guess they may soften the suspension. 

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1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t think there’s much difference between your enclave and my Acadia ride wise, maybe some extra noise insulation and a gaudier interior in yours. I guess they may soften the suspension. 

So in other words they made the Enclave nicer.  Check.

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Went to put the 1 year old down for a nap. I generally just sing him 1 song and then put him in the crib. I couldn’t find his snuggle blanket so I said screw it.

Wife commented as I walked out of his room “wow that was quick” in a judging tone. I replied that there wasn’t any reason to delay the process. She looked at him on the monitor already laying down and quiet. She then noticed that he didn’t have his snuggle blanket, proceeded to get irritated with me and walked in to his room to find it for him.

This of course disturbed his sleep process which already started and now he is crying but don’t worry folks he has his snuggle blanket. Somehow this is now all my fault...

Your wife will be on me of your biggest haters in life..get used to it.
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This is from a while ago but just came to mind catching up on this thread. We took the kids to go see the Dallas/Houston XFL game and had a good time. Then all this stuff hits and Vince McMahon cancels the XFL again.

Me: They just ended the XFL, they're not going to finish this season or start again next year.

Wife: So Dak doesn't get his contract either way now?

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10 hours ago, 1000 Miles to Austin said:One more...wife discussing when to put our 2.5 year old back in preschool. I commented that I didn’t feel like paying extra money to put him in school and have him get sick all the time. We are already paying for a nanny to watch him and the 1 year old.

She thinks about it for a little and says “well we did put him in school during the flu season this past year”. I had to remind her that he caught the flu and it was miserable. I don’t feel like paying for him to potentially catch the Coronavirus and make our entire family miserable when we are already paying for a nanny that will be coming to the house no matter what to watch the 1 year old.

My tone and logic were not appreciated whatsoever. Apparently his social skills are just going to disappear without this preschool experience. I told her don’t worry he can be just as anti-social as his Dad. It has been working for me thus far...

So the nanny will just sit around the house doing nothing while the kids are in preschool?

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30 minutes ago, NateHitch said:

This is from a while ago but just came to mind catching up on this thread. We took the kids to go see the Dallas/Houston XFL game and had a good time. Then all this stuff hits and Vince McMahon cancels the XFL again.

Me: They just ended the XFL, they're not going to finish this season or start again next year.

Wife: So Dak doesn't get his contract either way now?

Lol that's awesome.  When Astros had Tucson as their AAA affiliate,  I used to say they should send so and so to Tucson when they were not playing well. . A couple years after they changed affiliation to New Orleans, we were at a game and Derek Bell did something stupid and the wife yelled "Send him to Tucson!" 

The thought of Bell getting shipped off to Tucson when they nothing to do with the Astros always made me laugh 

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