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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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They brought in these 4 prints to hang in the bathroom.  The Bosnian handyman didn't want to hang them so they brought in some 'professional picture hanger' to do the job.  I purposely stayed the fuck out of everything associated with the entire project in the bathroom.  So when shit went wrong and more money was spent, I could plead plausible deniability.  

Oh....only thing I did do was have my  drinking buddy, who works for a large plumbing supply company price out all of the fixtures.  I got them all at cost...pissed off the designer since she wasn't getting her cut from her guy.  Bosnian got confused by the depth of the counter and threw up his hands....designer into a tizzy.....wife crying.   I had the adapter delivered to the house (actually the bar) withing an hour.  I grinned, gleefully.  

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3 hours ago, baboso said:

You fool, hulla.  Matt has no creative instinct or artistic flair.  He just does what we tell him we want done.  We need an artiste!

Careful with those Bosnians.  Your master bath will look like the Texas A&M campus circa...  right now, actually. 

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Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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2 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

I think they are really roofing contractor intolerant. 

 

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1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

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54 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

Women: How can I be a victim if I'm not really a victim? 

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Guest Lobo
1 hour ago, ztejas said:

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

so that's how Rex Kramer setup his date rapes?  makes sens now.

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5 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Don’t let their fellow countrymen help with the kitchen either, Hurts-a-Cocina. 

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On 6/9/2020 at 11:40 AM, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Just as an experiment you should get some practice refilling almond and soy milk containers with real milk.  

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On 6/8/2020 at 8:59 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've got kids 37, 34, 17, and 16.

Dad?

 

I’m the oldest of my dads kids at 37. Have a set of siblings at...26, 24 and 23ish from second wife. Have another set at 18 and 16 from third wife. She is just a few years older than me. 

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On 6/10/2020 at 11:52 AM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Just as an experiment you should get some practice refilling almond and soy milk containers with real milk.  

I did that with some kind of bullshit sub-lingual diet drops that she spent way too much $$ on.  Swapped it out around 25% or so with water.  She never noticed & swore it was working, that she had dropped 8 lbs. or something like that.  She's CONSTANTLY after some magic pill / potion for weight loss & I'm constantly reminding her that the only real way is food as energy, consume properly, get exercise & burn more calories than you take in... etc.

So, yeah.

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6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

I did that with some kind of bullshit sub-lingual diet drops that she spent way too much $$ on.  Swapped it out around 25% or so with water.  She never noticed & swore it was working, that she had dropped 8 lbs. or something like that.  She's CONSTANTLY after some magic pill / potion for weight loss & I'm constantly reminding her that the only real way is food as energy, consume properly, get exercise & burn more calories than you take in... etc.

So, yeah.

But you don't understand.  See there are conditions where even if you never eat any food your body just can't lose weight.  That condition effects approximately 1 in a billion, and she has a mild form of it.  So it doesn't matter how much she 'diets.'  She needs cobalt powder from the acupuncturist, fecal injections from someone who is sort of a licensed doctor in Dallas, and sublingual vitamin D.  

@HenryJames and @Dennis Taylor for your own sake, no.  Ironically, she was the oldest woman (at the time) that my dad married.  Both my mom and step mom were 18 when my dad married them.  Mom and dad went to high school together.  Step mom 1...was dad's student...

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13 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

But you don't understand.  See there are conditions where even if you never eat any food your body just can't lose weight.  That condition effects approximately 1 in a billion, and she has a mild form of it.  So it doesn't matter how much she 'diets.'  She needs cobalt powder from the acupuncturist, fecal injections from someone who is sort of a licensed doctor in Dallas, and sublingual vitamin D.  

@HenryJames and @Dennis Taylor for your own sake, no.  Ironically, she was the oldest woman (at the time) that my dad married.  Both my mom and step mom were 18 when my dad married them.  Mom and dad went to high school together.  Step mom 1...was dad's student...

*affects

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Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.

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1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.
 

So your kids are going hungry?

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2 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.
 

Is this an SAT question?

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Is this an SAT question?

No east and west trains.

 

On edit: I was a HS grad of 90 when the ACT was getting popular. Did well. A buddy of mine and me took the SAT for fun to see the difference. Dorky, I know, but even 30 years later I recall the format being very similar. Not sure why the new act came out and was liked over the sat.

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1 hour ago, markstanco said:
1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:
So your kids are going hungry?

With a swift push of a button, it will come on again and heat to the proper temp in about 10 minutes.

So instead of throwing the food in the oven, you opt to post.  Got it.

1 hour ago, Chewbacca said:
1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:
So your kids are going hungry?

They are clearly used to it.

Bootstraps yo

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So instead of throwing the food in the oven, you opt to post.  Got it.[/Quote]

I cook for them all the time but tonight wasn't my night it was hers. No food on the counter so no idea what she was throwing in. I was at the grocery store getting stuff for this week she requested and when I got home I turned it off.

Are you cool with that?
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55 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Which takes more energy, keeping the oven at 425 for 30 minutes or turning it off and heating it back up from whatever temp it had cooled down to?

This is a direct correlation to keeping your wife pissed @ you for a consistent 30 minutes or letting her get over "it" & then bringing the subject up again (because obviously she was WRONG, but you sure as hell can't let her think she was right) 30 minutes later.

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