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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Surly, my wife's not the only one on here doing this shit.  am dissapoint.

Buy Nothing is a junk exchange club on facebook.  people post shit they want to get rid of, or shit the want, and it's all for free.  on balance, it hasn't been too bad for us.  I think we've gotten rid of more junk than we've acquired.  first 'score' of hers was some old busted boogie boards.  she read on Pinterest or somewhere about using styrofoam pieces for in her potting mix for house plants.  I think she maybe used half of one.  I let them sit in the garage for a couple months before I just tossed them.

my biggest bitch about it is that I'm the bagman.  she went back to the office, so whenever someone wants some old children's books or random old bric-o-brac or broken holiday decorations I threaten to toss, I get to put it out at the curb for the lucky winner...and bring it back if it might rain before whichever flaky wife comes to pick it up.  

a couple times, I've been on my way to go somewhere, and someone's wife will be parked across the end of my driveway, surfing fb or whatever after making a pick up.  I mean, for several minutes.  I've pulled right up there and waited, finally honking at them, snapping them out of their e-revelry.

I guess the moral of the story is never say anything when you want to pitch old crap of theirs.

Edited by wd40
comma rampage
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Lucky me... Mrs. Brat’s cousins persuaded her to sign up for a FB account five years ago. She looked at it a couple of times and said, “this is worthless and stupid”. Never has logged back on. She maintains contact with her cousins with an occasional phone call or an actual physical visit.

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On 11/5/2020 at 2:35 AM, Superhero said:

Not mine, but someone's wife doing stupid shit nonetheless...

 

So I've been clearing out my garage and selling old stuff on FB Marketplace. Last night a woman asked to buy the Radio Flyer wagon I had listed. I say great, and let's figure out a time/place to meet. She asked for my venmo and phone number, and said her husband would reach out to confirm.

Right after that message, my phone dings and I got $50 from her. I delivered the goods 6 hours later.

Maybe because I'm a jaded asshole who last lost total faith in humanity, but if I'm buying something from a stranger on the internet, I want one hand on the goods before slowly handing over the cash. I wanted to tell the husband that his wife is a nut, but figured he already knew his wife does stupid shit.

A strange woman gave you $50, you delivered the goods, and you’re complaining about it. 
Ok. 

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I was talking to the wife about buying something, I can't remember what it was. She wanted it, so she said "Let's pull the plug" instead of "pull the trigger". I said I'm glad you didn't say that to the doctor when I was in the hospital last month and he told us about treatment options. Mega tone in my direction.

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7 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

On FB Market shit. My wife sold like 6 old glass mugs for $2.  Set them on the porch, they were going to put the $2 under the mat. First person flaked out so I brought them back in. Then set them back out a couple of days later for the second buyer. They never showed up either. This happened about 3 more times. Finally, I set them out. Waited until she was asleep. Took them to my work and threw them away then stopped at the ATM, took out $20. Stopped at a bar and got a beer to break up the $20. Then stuck $2 bucks under the mat.

 

You're the Mug Fairy!

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10 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

On FB Market shit. My wife sold like 6 old glass mugs for $2.  Set them on the porch, they were going to put the $2 under the mat. First person flaked out so I brought them back in. Then set them back out a couple of days later for the second buyer. They never showed up either. This happened about 3 more times. Finally, I set them out. Waited until she was asleep. Took them to my work and threw them away then stopped at the ATM, took out $20. Stopped at a bar and got a beer to break up the $20. Then stuck $2 bucks under the mat.

 

Well done. What are you asking her to sell next?

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On 11/6/2020 at 8:43 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

Buy her a bag of perlite. 

ok, whatever.  it's not about the nail.

the extent of my gardening involvement is limited to the heavy lifting.  I built my daughter a vegetable garden box out of a giant skid from my wife's previous employer and made two trips to the dirt store to fill it.  and I picked up some chimney flues for my wife (another pinterest thing, I'm sure) to plant some cactus and shit in the front of the house (where the once-proud  boogie board resides, in pieces).

oh yeah.  I also eat the peppers and tomatoes out of the veggie garden.  no one else in the house does, even though they're awesome.

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8 minutes ago, wd40 said:

ok, whatever.  it's not about the nail.

the extent of my gardening involvement is limited to the heavy lifting.  I built my daughter a vegetable garden box out of a giant skid from my wife's previous employer and made two trips to the dirt store to fill it.  and I picked up some chimney flues for my wife (another pinterest thing, I'm sure) to plant some cactus and shit in the front of the house (where the once-proud  boogie board resides, in pieces).

oh yeah.  I also eat the peppers and tomatoes out of the veggie garden.  no one else in the house does, even though they're awesome.

But seriously, think of styrofoam as white trash perlite. Perlite is cheap, it's natural, and functions better as a soil amendment than styrofoam. It will aerate the soil better and it's porous so it will bind up nutrients better. If you have an outdoor garden, you can dump the old potting soil from your dead houseplant there. I wouldn't recommend doing that if you put styrofoam in it. 

Might also want to look into some vermiculite for water retention. 

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My fiancé’s sister came over last night for the first time in a long time because she’s having issues with her boyfriend because she wants to have a poly relationship. He was of course open to the idea at first but after her getting more matches on bumble, rightfully so, and her catching feelings for this girl, he is now against it and sadly becoming extremely controlling and aggressive. (There’s more to this story but it’s not the point) 

After a few hours of just hanging out, she starts crying and we find out that it’s “the girl’s” birthday. So we’re like wtf go be with her. Long story short the girl decides to drive down to meet for drinks. Of course, all the bars are booked for hours so they end up back at our place. My girl/avatar gets drunk about once a year and I guess last night was that night. It strikes midnight, I’m about to go to sleep and she says “I think we should paint!”. (We got into painting mid COVID when we were bored, it was fun but hadn’t in a while) I facepalm and say “babe, it’s a little late, maybe a movie would be better.” Oh now it’s painting time. Well, I decide since I don’t want to see the result of the paint massacre I know is coming and go to bed. Dia Lupa (don’t look her up) then starts being blasted and so does the drunk screams. A couple hours later she stumbles into bed and I ask how did the paintings go, and she says “oh we just primed them so far”....it was two hours later. After a couple hours of sleep, I start walking into the kitchen and notice little paw prints on the floor. I bend down to wipe the first one away and it’s stuck on. Wtf? I follow the foot prints all the way into the kitchen and notice about 100 cat paw prints of lovely paint on the hardwood floor....they left the wet paintings on the counter and the cats decided to have their own paint party. When she wakes up i tell her what happens and she says “oh it’s not a big deal watch” while she grabs a paper towel, wets it, and scrubs the floor. Nothing happens. “No big deal huh?”. TONE. 

act 2

”hey babe, I didn’t know you started your period last night.”  She says, “I didn’t.” Son of a bitch. 
In the middle of the night I see white paper flying from under the bed. The cat was ripping up toilet paper. In my sleepy state in picked everything up, threw it away, and then realized I had blood on my hand. Of course, the cat only goes crazy for tampons in the trash. 
As she cracks up, “Hey babe, I’m glad you and my sister got closer last night.” 
I’m lucky.

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4 minutes ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

My fiancé’s sister came over last night for the first time in a long time because she’s having issues with her boyfriend because she wants to have a poly relationship. He was of course open to the idea at first but after her getting more matches on bumble, rightfully so, and her catching feelings for this girl, he is now against it and sadly becoming extremely controlling and aggressive. (There’s more to this story but it’s not the point) 

After a few hours of just hanging out, she starts crying and we find out that it’s “the girl’s” birthday. So we’re like wtf go be with her. Long story short the girl decides to drive down to meet for drinks. Of course, all the bars are booked for hours so they end up back at our place. My girl/avatar gets drunk about once a year and I guess last night was that night. It strikes midnight, I’m about to go to sleep and she says “I think we should paint!”. (We got into painting mid COVID when we were bored, it was fun but hadn’t in a while) I facepalm and say “babe, it’s a little late, maybe a movie would be better.” Oh now it’s painting time. Well, I decide since I don’t want to see the result of the paint massacre I know is coming and go to bed. Dia Lupa (don’t look her up) then starts being blasted and so does the drunk screams. A couple hours later she stumbles into bed and I ask how did the paintings go, and she says “oh we just primed them so far”....it was two hours later. After a couple hours of sleep, I start walking into the kitchen and notice little paw prints on the floor. I bend down to wipe the first one away and it’s stuck on. Wtf? I follow the foot prints all the way into the kitchen and notice about 100 cat paw prints of lovely paint on the hardwood floor....they left the wet paintings on the counter and the cats decided to have their own paint party. When she wakes up i tell her what happens and she says “oh it’s not a big deal watch” while she grabs a paper towel, wets it, and scrubs the floor. Nothing happens. “No big deal huh?”. TONE. 

act 2

”hey babe, I didn’t know you started your period last night.”  She says, “I didn’t.” Son of a bitch. 
In the middle of the night I see white paper flying from under the bed. The cat was ripping up toilet paper. In my sleepy state in picked everything up, threw it away, and then realized I had blood on my hand. Of course, the cat only goes crazy for tampons in the trash. 
As she cracks up, “Hey babe, I’m glad you and my sister got closer last night.” 
I’m lucky.

So, shoulda flushed the tampon, huh? 

Wait...

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12 minutes ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

My fiancé’s sister came over last night for the first time in a long time because she’s having issues with her boyfriend because she wants to have a poly relationship. He was of course open to the idea at first but after her getting more matches on bumble, rightfully so, and her catching feelings for this girl, he is now against it and sadly becoming extremely controlling and aggressive. (There’s more to this story but it’s not the point) 

After a few hours of just hanging out, she starts crying and we find out that it’s “the girl’s” birthday. So we’re like wtf go be with her. Long story short the girl decides to drive down to meet for drinks. Of course, all the bars are booked for hours so they end up back at our place. My girl/avatar gets drunk about once a year and I guess last night was that night. It strikes midnight, I’m about to go to sleep and she says “I think we should paint!”. (We got into painting mid COVID when we were bored, it was fun but hadn’t in a while) I facepalm and say “babe, it’s a little late, maybe a movie would be better.” Oh now it’s painting time. Well, I decide since I don’t want to see the result of the paint massacre I know is coming and go to bed. Dia Lupa (don’t look her up) then starts being blasted and so does the drunk screams. A couple hours later she stumbles into bed and I ask how did the paintings go, and she says “oh we just primed them so far”....it was two hours later. After a couple hours of sleep, I start walking into the kitchen and notice little paw prints on the floor. I bend down to wipe the first one away and it’s stuck on. Wtf? I follow the foot prints all the way into the kitchen and notice about 100 cat paw prints of lovely paint on the hardwood floor....they left the wet paintings on the counter and the cats decided to have their own paint party. When she wakes up i tell her what happens and she says “oh it’s not a big deal watch” while she grabs a paper towel, wets it, and scrubs the floor. Nothing happens. “No big deal huh?”. TONE. 

act 2

”hey babe, I didn’t know you started your period last night.”  She says, “I didn’t.” Son of a bitch. 
In the middle of the night I see white paper flying from under the bed. The cat was ripping up toilet paper. In my sleepy state in picked everything up, threw it away, and then realized I had blood on my hand. Of course, the cat only goes crazy for tampons in the trash. 
As she cracks up, “Hey babe, I’m glad you and my sister got closer last night.” 
I’m lucky.

username checks out

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1 hour ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

He was of course open to the idea at first but after her getting more matches on bumble, rightfully so, and her catching feelings for this girl, he is now against it and sadly becoming extremely controlling and aggressive.

It was nice of you to let your wife write some of the story. 

Now tell us how you really feel. Don't worry, she's not reading (or is she?).

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On FB Market shit. My wife sold like 6 old glass mugs for $2.  Set them on the porch, they were going to put the $2 under the mat. First person flaked out so I brought them back in. Then set them back out a couple of days later for the second buyer. They never showed up either. This happened about 3 more times. Finally, I set them out. Waited until she was asleep. Took them to my work and threw them away then stopped at the ATM, took out $20. Stopped at a bar and got a beer to break up the $20. Then stuck $2 bucks under the mat.
 

Only way this story possibly gets topped is if one of her “buyers” just flat out steals the mugs and she files a police report
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On FB Market shit. My wife sold like 6 old glass mugs for $2.  Set them on the porch, they were going to put the $2 under the mat. First person flaked out so I brought them back in. Then set them back out a couple of days later for the second buyer. They never showed up either. This happened about 3 more times. Finally, I set them out. Waited until she was asleep. Took them to my work and threw them away then stopped at the ATM, took out $20. Stopped at a bar and got a beer to break up the $20. Then stuck $2 bucks under the mat.
 
Thats just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
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On 11/6/2020 at 12:50 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

On FB Market shit. My wife sold like 6 old glass mugs for $2.  Set them on the porch, they were going to put the $2 under the mat. First person flaked out so I brought them back in. Then set them back out a couple of days later for the second buyer. They never showed up either. This happened about 3 more times. Finally, I set them out. Waited until she was asleep. Took them to my work and threw them away then stopped at the ATM, took out $20. Stopped at a bar and got a beer to break up the $20. Then stuck $2 bucks under the mat.

 

You, sir, are a platinum level, bad-ass player and make the most out of your trips to the ATM.

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On 11/8/2020 at 11:03 PM, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

My fiancé’s sister came over last night for the first time in a long time because she’s having issues with her boyfriend because she wants to have a poly relationship. He was of course open to the idea at first but after her getting more matches on bumble, rightfully so, and her catching feelings for this girl, he is now against it and sadly becoming extremely controlling and aggressive. (There’s more to this story but it’s not the point) 

After a few hours of just hanging out, she starts crying and we find out that it’s “the girl’s” birthday. So we’re like wtf go be with her. Long story short the girl decides to drive down to meet for drinks. Of course, all the bars are booked for hours so they end up back at our place. My girl/avatar gets drunk about once a year and I guess last night was that night. It strikes midnight, I’m about to go to sleep and she says “I think we should paint!”. (We got into painting mid COVID when we were bored, it was fun but hadn’t in a while) I facepalm and say “babe, it’s a little late, maybe a movie would be better.” Oh now it’s painting time. Well, I decide since I don’t want to see the result of the paint massacre I know is coming and go to bed. Dia Lupa (don’t look her up) then starts being blasted and so does the drunk screams. A couple hours later she stumbles into bed and I ask how did the paintings go, and she says “oh we just primed them so far”....it was two hours later. After a couple hours of sleep, I start walking into the kitchen and notice little paw prints on the floor. I bend down to wipe the first one away and it’s stuck on. Wtf? I follow the foot prints all the way into the kitchen and notice about 100 cat paw prints of lovely paint on the hardwood floor....they left the wet paintings on the counter and the cats decided to have their own paint party. When she wakes up i tell her what happens and she says “oh it’s not a big deal watch” while she grabs a paper towel, wets it, and scrubs the floor. Nothing happens. “No big deal huh?”. TONE. 

act 2

”hey babe, I didn’t know you started your period last night.”  She says, “I didn’t.” Son of a bitch. 
In the middle of the night I see white paper flying from under the bed. The cat was ripping up toilet paper. In my sleepy state in picked everything up, threw it away, and then realized I had blood on my hand. Of course, the cat only goes crazy for tampons in the trash. 
As she cracks up, “Hey babe, I’m glad you and my sister got closer last night.” 
I’m lucky.

can we go back to the diet coke/tea story?

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2 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

One hour ago, we were down to the last wine glass of the collection we got as a wedding gift. In that time, I broke one when I was really drunk after a UT game. As of 5 minutes ago, we are at zero.

She doesn't drink wine.....She has literally broken 5 wine glasses that I was drinking out of.....

You let her break all of your precious wedding gift wine glasses?  You bastard!

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my wife has been making noises about Instapots, lately.  my response has consistently been:  gotta get rid of the bread maker.

doing the math, I figure I would've gotten laid about the same whether I got her the bread maker she asked for or not.  "fool me once", etc.

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Instapot pot roasts are great.  It takes 20 minutes per pound plus natural pressure release.  No way she turned it on if it was in there 12 hours and didn’t cook.

I know nothing about them and refuse to learn because I didn’t want one in the first place.  She’s made some good stuff in it before (credit where it’s due) but this time the carrots, potatoes, and roast were all hard as shit.  I don’t think she used the pressure cooking option and just used it like a slow cooker since it has the glass lid. Oh, and by the way, it’s off and still on the counter so that’ll be fun to clean...

f1a471fae8d96a6ff93cbd765768eef4.jpg
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8 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:


I know nothing about them and refuse to learn because I didn’t want one in the first place.  She’s made some good stuff in it before (credit where it’s due) but this time the carrots, potatoes, and roast were all hard as shit.  I don’t think she used the pressure cooking option and just used it like a slow cooker since it has the glass lid. Oh, and by the way, it’s off and still on the counter so that’ll be fun to clean...

f1a471fae8d96a6ff93cbd765768eef4.jpg

I’m no expert here, but my wife has one of these too. I’m 99% certain they do not come with a glass lid and are not meant to be used with one. It looks like she just put the glass lid from a small crockpot onto the instapot and hoped it would work. That was doomed for failure. The whole point of one of these IS the pressure cooking. 

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3 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said:

I’m no expert here, but my wife has one of these too. I’m 99% certain they do not come with a glass lid and are not meant to be used with one. It looks like she just put the glass lid from a small crockpot onto the instapot and hoped it would work. That was doomed for failure. The whole point of one of these IS the pressure cooking. 

Prince Harry Mic Drop GIF

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They do have glass lids that you can get that are probably 5x more expensive that another similar glass lid.  My uneducated guess would be that they are used to simply keep the food hot after cooking something in it with the pressure cooker lid on it.  Surely she didn't cook a roast, in an Instant Pot, without the pressure cooker lid on it.  Right?

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We got or a few months ago and I’ve cooked a ton of stuff in it. Chopped carrots and potatoes take 4 minutes on the high pressure setting, plus around 10 minutes to heat up/pressurize and 10 more to cool/depressurize. 
 

I have made 5 lb beef and pork roasts in it that were great, and only took about 90 minutes start to finish including browning the outside first in it with the sauté setting. 

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