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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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53 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I'm not sure I've met a woman yet that doesn't need this explained to them.

I would dare someone to break it down like this and see what happens:

 

You see, dear, there are 4 quarters in a given year.  

In each of those 4 quarters, there are 3 periods, or 3 months.  SO...think how many periods you have in a quarter...  

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4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Wife places an online order for stuff we can’t easily buy overseas. Decides to purchase cranberry sauce, doesn’t bother to check the container size.

Side note— cranberry sauce has never been on our Thanksgiving table, because I don’t like the canned stuff or care enough to make my own from scratch, other sides deserve that attention.

Also, decides to buy extra “because we may have guests who like it.”

TL,DR she purchased 64 oz containers of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce and I now have 3 gallons of it in my basement.
 

But the picture looks so small on my phone...

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On 11/30/2020 at 10:23 AM, ztejas said:

I'm not sure I've met a woman yet that doesn't need this explained to them.

Mrs. Rox asked me during one of the Longhorn games why if we had the ball on something like 2nd or 3rd down to end the 1st half "Why don't we get the ball again to start the 2nd half & finish to 4th down?"

I get shit like "Why are we punting?" (4th down) that is in the line of "Don't we get 4 tries & then punt if we don't get it [1st down, score, whatever] on the 1st 4 attempts?" i.e. 5 Downs total.

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9 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Mrs. Rox asked me during one of the Longhorn games why if we had the ball on something like 2nd or 3rd down to end the 1st half "Why don't we get the ball again to start the 2nd half & finish to 4th down?"

Honestly... that's not a bad question. She's displaying a sense of continuity and basic logic and making the assumption that since this is how quarters are treated it is also how halves should be treated.

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2 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

You're not helping.

Yeah, well, I just think it's funny how...

And I should have phrased it differently - assuming she's seen at least several football games, of course it's a stupid question. But in the world of females attempting to understand sporting events it has certain qualities that other inquiries might lack.

I will say this: if a red-blooded American male over the age of 8 ever asked something like that in my presence I'd be concerned that they were having a stroke or smoking bath salts. 

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12 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Mrs. Rox asked me during one of the Longhorn games why if we had the ball on something like 2nd or 3rd down to end the 1st half "Why don't we get the ball again to start the 2nd half & finish to 4th down?"

I get shit like "Why are we punting?" (4th down) that is in the line of "Don't we get 4 tries & then punt if we don't get it [1st down, score, whatever] on the 1st 4 attempts?" i.e. 5 Downs total.

Did she attend the Colorado University?

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23 hours ago, Modessit said:
On 12/2/2020 at 12:42 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:
I think I've told this story before on here, but back in the day when Barry Bonds was chasing the home run (HR) record, my wife sees the scroll across the bottom of the screen and says to me, "Hey, Barry Bonds is only two hours away from breaking the record!"

Once at a restaurant I had to use the restroom before leaving. I told wife to wait by the door next to the bar and to check the TV to find out who was winning the football game. When I got there she told me, "Lewisville is beating Olay Miss" (Louisville vs Ole Miss).

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Anthropologie had a gingerbread doormat and now they don’t but no reason to let that stop you.

I was going to make fun of my wife for this because it’s a little insane and especially since she is doing this right now when we are four days away from moving out of our temporary apartment and into the new house. But actually following that logic path I can see how she landed there, if you conclude that a gingerbread house doormat is a necessity and that there won’t be time later.

fa12d256b018c39dd415185674dc67b2.jpg

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“hey Celery can you get me these scissors”
*receives link to Milwaukee job site scissors*
“... why these scissors?”
“I’m cutting a doormat”
*pause*
“OK”

*day elapses, there is now a gingerbread house doormat forming on the table *
“Lol wtf?”
“I told you about the doormat you don’t listen”

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4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Anthropologie had a gingerbread doormat and now they don’t but no reason to let that stop you.

I was going to make fun of my wife for this because it’s a little insane and especially since she is doing this right now when we are four days away from moving out of our temporary apartment and into the new house. But actually following that logic path I can see how she landed there, if you conclude that a gingerbread house doormat is a necessity and that there won’t be time later.

fa12d256b018c39dd415185674dc67b2.jpg

This makes me nostalgic for gingerbread men. The parts with the red-hot cinnamon candies were the best. 

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Anthropologie had a gingerbread doormat and now they don’t but no reason to let that stop you.

I was going to make fun of my wife for this because it’s a little insane and especially since she is doing this right now when we are four days away from moving out of our temporary apartment and into the new house. But actually following that logic path I can see how she landed there, if you conclude that a gingerbread house doormat is a necessity and that there won’t be time later.

fa12d256b018c39dd415185674dc67b2.jpg

Looks like the front of hogwarts
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“I tried this great coffee place near your work today, you should go sometime.”
”What’s it called?”
”I don’t remember, but it’s a few streets over from the big church.”
”How many streets over? And which direction?”
”I think I turned up.  I don’t remember.”
“.................”
“Thanks honey. I’ll try it out one day.” 
 
Any other response is just not worth it. 

Awesome. Sounds familiar. my wife doesn’t know the main arteries to our own home despite living here for 2 years, lived together in the same city for almost 9, and were both born and raised in our “metro”
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Awesome. Sounds familiar. my wife doesn’t know the main arteries to our own home despite living here for 2 years, lived together in the same city for almost 9, and were both born and raised in our “metro”
My daughter:
"Never
Eat
Soggy
Waffles"

Me: "OK, so what direction IS "Never / North"?"

Her: "...umm... "

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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10 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

ROFL-Wife: "I have lived here my entire life - I know this town, you don't need to tell me...".

A few weeks later, random: "I don't know where that is, I haven't been in that area in probably a decade."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Not my wife, but a wife— when I was a senior in high school (we moved to our medium RGV town when I was under two years old) my mother referred to the giant reservoir that holds all our water as “the lake 956 claims is out there by the other high school.”

It’s a two minute drive from what was then a 5A high school and about the same distance from Walmart.  When pressed, she offered that since she had never personally gone to see it, she couldn’t say with certainty that it existed.

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1 hour ago, SquishMitten said:

We bought a house recently, and we’re in the middle of remodeling. Won’t be moving in for a couple weeks, but my wife has insisted on packing non-stop. It’s gotten to the point where we run out of dishes and glassware every day because she only left us with like 5 of everything. There’s 6 people in my house, so you can see why that’s a problem. The kids are living out of suitcases. We have no spare sheets for beds. That is annoying, but I’ve managed. BUT I discovered yesterday that she has packed up our medicine cabinet. Other than my daily scripts, I have nothing. Heartburn? Go to the store and buy medicine. Got the shits? Go to the store. Kids get a cut? Put some toilet paper on it and wrap them with scotch tape. Fucking insane. At least two more weeks of this. Before you ask, we have about a hundred boxes stacked in the garage of the new place so there’s no telling where the medicine might be

I've found it helpful to write on the outside of the box what its contents are

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23 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Moving opens up all kind of possibilities for the intrepid.  
 

“Oh shit, what did happen to that? Damn movers,. Is this really worth making a fuss over?”

Make your own internal rule-  if the wife actually misses/asks about it, be prepared to buy a new one. Guarantee you come out ahead.

Okay Marie Kondo.

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The other night when we were taking the kids to look at Christmas lights, my wife said she was going to turn on Christmas music. She saw the “Rock the Bells” channel on XM and assumed that it was Christmas music. When the song started it took her a few seconds to realize the error of her ways. I think my kids were really starting to get into Gin and Juice.

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19 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Moving opens up all kind of possibilities for the intrepid.  
 

“Oh shit, what did happen to that? Damn movers,. Is this really worth making a fuss over?”

Make your own internal rule-  if the wife actually misses/asks about it, be prepared to buy a new one. Guarantee you come out ahead.

She actually has great design taste, and she's quite a minimalist. I have no doubt she is doing this with my stuff though.

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