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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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On 2/8/2022 at 8:05 PM, Mo Horn said:

Friend of mine told me about this, and instead of starting a new thread, I figured this was a good place to put it. Now we have a matrix to go with the stories that are posted

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That purple zone is full of shit. Do NOT try to move to a permanent zone. Why?  Because your 8,7 wife turns in to a 5 or 6, 9 or 10 wife after 5–10 years of marriage. You gotta be OK on the crazy scale plus 2 long term 

Edited by UT_OB1
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5 hours ago, tigol said:

That article admits you need a Kill A Watt or similar device to determine if something is actually a vampire power offender.

$20 on amazon for the wife and spend a romantic evening together checking everything in the house with it.

I use one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Electricity-Monitor-Voltage-Overload-Protection/dp/B07DPJ3RGB/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07DPJ3RGB&psc=1

 

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2 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

That article admits you need a Kill A Watt or similar device to determine if something is actually a vampire power offender.

$20 on amazon for the wife and spend a romantic evening together checking everything in the house with it.

I use one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Electricity-Monitor-Voltage-Overload-Protection/dp/B07DPJ3RGB/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07DPJ3RGB&psc=1

 

I'm not defending her behavior in the marriage.  I'm simply pointing out that she isn't an idiot and compromises are worth discussing.  Unplug my coffee maker and my entire staff will fuck you up.

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11 minutes ago, tigol said:

I'm not defending her behavior in the marriage.  I'm simply pointing out that she isn't an idiot and compromises are worth discussing.  Unplug my coffee maker and my entire staff will fuck you up.

which is why I suggested buying a Kill A Watt type device and checking everything. She is probably right for unplugging few things and wrong about some others.

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If she could park like that every time I'd be impressed, but that was sheer luck she didn't pull another several inches forward. There's just as likely to be no room for me to scoot behind her (not very long) car to get out to the trash by the side of the garage.  I probably should hang a tennis ball from the ceiling before disaster strikes.

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On 2/9/2022 at 4:05 PM, Frank The Tank said:

Trash/Recycle day was yesterday. There is literally nothing else in this recycle bin besides this giant box from one of her stupid meal/smoothie delivery services. 5F592BF8-E7FA-4366-A06E-93DC3844C6BC.thumb.jpeg.d25dd9506b889dda09c6a0a38764d03d.jpeg
 

And I just realized that this is the wife equivalent of fucking up the laundry. 

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Edited by NYTransplant
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My wife is a masters educated woman. Two undergrad degrees. She’s pretty smart. Like most women, she’s really geographically challenged. So there’s a game on the interwebs called Worldle. It give you an outline of a country and you guess what it is. Then they tell you how far you are away and what direction to go. Yesterday was Nepal. 
 

I somehow got it on the third guess. 
 

After three guesses, she says “Give me a hint”. So, I said “Mount Everest is there”. She says “DENMARK?! Oh wait is Denmark a town or Country?!”

So now she’s looking up flights to the town of Denmark.

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9 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

My wife is a masters educated woman. Two undergrad degrees. She’s pretty smart. Like most women, she’s really geographically challenged. So there’s a game on the interwebs called Worldle. It give you an outline of a country and you guess what it is. Then they tell you how far you are away and what direction to go. Yesterday was Nepal. 
 

I somehow got it on the third guess. 
 

After three guesses, she says “Give me a hint”. So, I said “Mount Everest is there”. She says “DENMARK?! Oh wait is Denmark a town or Country?!”

So now she’s looking up flights to the town of Denmark.

Isn't that the town in The Flintstones???

-Mrs. Ocugolf

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45 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.

Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

How about all those Swiss people from Sweden?  That actually happened in our house a couple of times. 

Edited by nnm
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1 hour ago, Anwar Namtut said:

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.

Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

5c7d34db-5a5b-4ddc-ad57-f542b5f03711_tex

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18 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

What's that I smell on the evening breeze?

It's the goddamn Dutch making Limberger cheese,

God made the Irish and they ain't much,

but they're a hell of a lot better that the GD Dutch.

What’s your quote from?  I work with a lot of Dutchies and could use this. 

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On 2/10/2022 at 7:42 PM, mulletpelini said:

Well her gypsy mother moved in last week then this happened.

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On 2/11/2022 at 6:23 PM, CycleTex87 said:

What exactly are we looking at here?

Shit, I had the story underneath, I must have deleted it before posting it somehow.  Crazy gypsy MIL was washing dishes and apparently somehow got the phone charger wet? (It's the only thing I can figure out that happened here) and then it shorted and melted its way into the baby formula holder, fuck if I know how that happened, but a woman was involved.

On 2/12/2022 at 6:06 AM, Hpara759 said:

I use a golf ball for mine...has worked  several years for her....I placed it so she could use it as a "line-up" reference to get through the garage door as well

It works great until she closes the car door, catching the ball inside the car, and driving away.  Multiple times.

 

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10 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Shit, I had the story underneath, I must have deleted it before posting it somehow.  Crazy gypsy MIL was washing dishes and apparently somehow got the phone charger wet? (It's the only thing I can figure out that happened here) and then it shorted and melted its way into the baby formula holder, fuck if I know how that happened, but a woman was involved.

It works great until she closes the car door, catching the ball inside the car, and driving away.  Multiple times.

 

This right here. The handle is missing from the rope that is attached to my automatic garage door opener for manual release. When the garage door is up the rope hangs (used to) right at the vehicle door space.

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1 hour ago, mininghorn88 said:

This right here. The handle is missing from the rope that is attached to my automatic garage door opener for manual release. When the garage door is up the rope hangs (used to) right at the vehicle door space.

Kind of on you for not shortening the pull string with a little knot. That is very early in the steps of new garage or vehicle ownership

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I think my wife has a little Munchausen going on. Yesterday she was complaining about her knee hurting. We're sitting in bed in the evening, the toddler is bouncing around on the mattress. She's got her leg out right where it's obvious to everyone within a 5 mile radius that the kid is about to jump/roll over her bum knee, which of course he does, and she acts like she got hit by a sniper. Then I get yelled at for rolling my eyes. 

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