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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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On 10/31/2019 at 2:13 PM, Saint Austin said:

Not my wife, but a woman at work saw a hawk perched outside one of our windows. She asked if I thought it was a boy or a girl. I had no idea, but another woman said boy, because she's "pretty sure all hawks are boys."

Ha. My wife insisted birds didn’t have ears and couldn’t hear. I asked her “why do birds sing, have mating calls and duck hunters use calls?”

Tone. 

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Fiancée always complains we don’t go out enough, mainly during football season. She says how can I just sit and watch football all day. I ask her how can she binge watch Chick shows on Netflix for hours at a time. Tone. So I have tickets for Clay Walker tonight, and she’s in the bed on her phone saying she doesn’t want to be rushed today, when the concerts at 7 and I know she’s gonna take forever to get ready, and we will miss half the show 

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2 hours ago, hundredTT said:

Fiancée always complains we don’t go out enough, mainly during football season. She says how can I just sit and watch football all day. I ask her how can she binge watch Chick shows on Netflix for hours at a time. Tone. So I have tickets for Clay Walker tonight, and she’s in the bed on her phone saying she doesn’t want to be rushed today, when the concerts at 7 and I know she’s gonna take forever to get ready, and we will miss half the show 

dawson.gif

Edited by mulletpelini
not even married
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Fiancée always complains we don’t go out enough, mainly during football season. She says how can I just sit and watch football all day. I ask her how can she binge watch Chick shows on Netflix for hours at a time. Tone. So I have tickets for Clay Walker tonight, and she’s in the bed on her phone saying she doesn’t want to be rushed today, when the concerts at 7 and I know she’s gonna take forever to get ready, and we will miss half the show 

Welcome Jimbo....

Some people are the pin, others the cushion. Sounds like you’re the latter, not the former!

NTTITWWT
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On 11/2/2019 at 5:36 PM, hundredTT said:

Fiancée always complains we don’t go out enough, mainly during football season. She says how can I just sit and watch football all day. I ask her how can she binge watch Chick shows on Netflix for hours at a time. Tone. So I have tickets for Clay Walker tonight, and she’s in the bed on her phone saying she doesn’t want to be rushed today, when the concerts at 7 and I know she’s gonna take forever to get ready, and we will miss half the show 

Sitting up here in the suites watching Clay Walker right now.  5 month pregnant wife got ready on time and setup the babysitter all without drama...but she brought a huge ass coat thinking it would be cold because the HEB Center has an ice rink.  It’s been sitting on the back of my seat all night.

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12 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Sitting up here in the suites watching Clay Walker right now.  5 month pregnant wife got ready on time and setup the babysitter all without drama...but she brought a huge ass coat thinking it would be cold because the HEB Center has an ice rink.  It’s been sitting on the back of my seat all night.

Nice, Cedar park right? My fiancée dressed like we were in Russia and was still cold. But hey, the man can put on a show. Didn’t mind leaving early to beat the traffic and drunks home. We were in the country in Boerne. Saw several dead deer on my way back on the roads. 

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Update on the Harry Potter guest room. She was painting a picture of Dumbledore, which... wasn’t too out of the ordinary. Then she had more painting supplies, and now it is this
596d8d797602f82f231b98c669867ca3.jpg

Apparently it’s not done. One of those frames is empty and I think is going to have a print of this
bb4804422abc84c20cb3bbb8eeb496c1.jpg

and she said something about a stencil.

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8 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Update on the Harry Potter guest room. She was painting a picture of Dumbledore, which... wasn’t too out of the ordinary. Then she had more painting supplies, and now it is this
596d8d797602f82f231b98c669867ca3.jpg

Apparently it’s not done. One of those frames is empty and I think is going to have a print of this
bb4804422abc84c20cb3bbb8eeb496c1.jpg

and she said something about a stencil.

 

 

I hope she paints your junk well with her lipstick. If not, well, hope you don't end up on some show on ID.

 

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9 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Update on the Harry Potter guest room. She was painting a picture of Dumbledore, which... wasn’t too out of the ordinary. Then she had more painting supplies, and now it is this
596d8d797602f82f231b98c669867ca3.jpg

Apparently it’s not done. One of those frames is empty and I think is going to have a print of this
bb4804422abc84c20cb3bbb8eeb496c1.jpg

and she said something about a stencil.

@Mitch Cumsteen's wife is going to get that room after your divorce.

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1 hour ago, Sandman said:

At the grocery store last night, my kid put lunch meat on the list because the stuff we have is almost expired. 

Me: Don't get the 1 pound pack, I don't want it going bad like the last one.

Wife: So get the 16 ounce pack?

Don’t be too put out over her lack of knowledge with weight conversions.   

She is more used to dealing with inches. 

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36 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The "it's not done" concept is one that I struggled with for many years. Because it's NEVER done. A normal person furnishes a room, throws some paintings (or a giant ceramic crab, as the case may be) up on the wall and that's that. But not until it was explained to me that decor is a fluid, constantly changing ideal rather than something that has an absolute beginning and an end, did I truly give up. Good luck Celery. It only gets worse.

And for a more apropos contribution to this thread... my wife has an acquaintance who is a wedding planner. Apparently it is a thing now for there to be a special table at wedding receptions for the bride and groom. And it is apparently now a thing that the bride/groom table be something especially "unique". And it is apparently now competitive among brides in having an especially unique bride/groom table. And guess who has the most unique one-of-a-kind plates, table settings, furnishings, table cloths, nick knacks, etc?

And guess who was offered something like $1500-2000 per weekend to rent this shit out but thinks it's kinda trashy to rent out your personal stuff and doesn't want the hassle of people coming in and removing our stuff and is afraid for something to get damaged because, "That stuff is irreplaceable and they don't make those plates anymore and I don't want my stuff broken. And can you imagine them coming in and removing that loveseat right out of our living room for the weekend?" The most uncomfortable love seat known to man? Not only can I imagine them removing it and hopefully never bringing it back, but I'm pretty sure I would have an orgasm if somebody paid good American dollars for the pain of actually sitting on it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So in the most unbelievable upset in the history of mankind,  I was on the verge of monetizing all some of the ridiculous crap that my wife has procured over the years only to be kicked in the nuts. 

 

giphy.gif

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54 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The "it's not done" concept is one that I struggled with for many years. Because it's NEVER done. A normal person furnishes a room, throws some paintings (or a giant ceramic crab, as the case may be) up on the wall and that's that. But not until it was explained to me that decor is a fluid, constantly changing ideal rather than something that has an absolute beginning and an end, did I truly give up. Good luck Celery. It only gets worse.

And for a more apropos contribution to this thread... my wife has an acquaintance who is a wedding planner. Apparently it is a thing now for there to be a special table at wedding receptions for the bride and groom. And it is apparently now a thing that the bride/groom table be something especially "unique". And it is apparently now competitive among brides in having an especially unique bride/groom table. And guess who has the most unique one-of-a-kind plates, table settings, furnishings, table cloths, nick knacks, etc?

And guess who was offered something like $1500-2000 per weekend to rent this shit out but thinks it's kinda trashy to rent out your personal stuff and doesn't want the hassle of people coming in and removing our stuff and is afraid for something to get damaged because, "That stuff is irreplaceable and they don't make those plates anymore and I don't want my stuff broken. And can you imagine them coming in and removing that loveseat right out of our living room for the weekend?" The most uncomfortable love seat known to man? Not only can I imagine them removing it and hopefully never bringing it back, but I'm pretty sure I would have an orgasm if somebody paid good American dollars for the pain of actually sitting on it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So in the most unbelievable upset in the history of mankind,  I was on the verge of monetizing all some of the ridiculous crap that my wife has procured over the years only to be kicked in the nuts. 

This post should be turned into some kind of motivational poster for people who think their life sucks and can't get any worse.

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I was traveling in Wyoming last week, weather there sucked.  Lows below zero, -18 was the lowest I saw on my rental car screen, never got above 10 deg, 8-10 inches of snow on the ground.  I spent a lot of time out in the weather due to the nature of the project.  Needless to say, when I got home to Houston, 56 deg felt pretty damn good.  My wife was complaining about the cold in Houston, of course my remarks about my recent experience were quite different.  This caused all manner of TONE.  "You discount what I say about the cold, its hurtful you don't care about my feelings and experience...etc"

WTF

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