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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Mrs. Ponderer sings ridiculous songs 24/7/365. She makes up voices for the animals, and does stand-up routines that just leave me in stitches.

But this morning, she put an ear-worm in my head that won't fucking go away.

Quote

Honey! New business idea! 80s hair band inspired perfume!

"He's the one they call Dr. Smells Good, he's the one that makes you smell all right!"

Goddammit.

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25 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Mrs. Ponderer sings ridiculous songs 24/7/365. She makes up voices for the animals, and does stand-up routines that just leave me in stitches.

But this morning, she put an ear-worm in my head that won't fucking go away.

Goddammit.

Damn.  Screw Mrs Ponderer and my brain for the rest of the day.  What has been heard cannot be unheard.  

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43 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Mrs. Ponderer sings ridiculous songs 24/7/365. She makes up voices for the animals, and does stand-up routines that just leave me in stitches.

But this morning, she put an ear-worm in my head that won't fucking go away.

Goddammit.

Thanks for sharing that, asshole.  Earworm indeed.

 

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Some stupid shit my wife said a couple years ago...

Jhawkmvp wife: Hon, what would you do if I gave away the dogs without telling you?

Jayhawkmvp: I'd be getting a new bitch the next day.

Jhawkmp wife: You'd get a new dog?

Jhawkmvp: No, first I would try to get the dogs back and then I'd be getting a new girlfriend because our asses would be getting a divorce.

Jayhawkmvp wife: The dogs are more important than me?

Jayhawkmvp: No, but if you gave away my dogs without talking to me first it would show you don't give two shits for my feelings. So why stay married to someone who would do that to someone they supposedly love?  If I had to get rid of them for some reason, I won't do it until I know they would have a good home. You have a responsibility to pets like you do to children. You don't abandon them.

My wife is usually great and was probably just asking a stupid what if; however, I needed to let her know there are some lines you just don't cross if you want to keep your marriage.You never mess with a man's dogs.

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Man's been married to a drunk for a long time.  He'll laugh at this in hindsight, once he's free.

Never married her, thank God, but had a long term GF who was a fall down drunk. Just embarrassing on the reg... had zero control of her emotions and would hit the bottle at the slightest hint of trouble/ challenge.

If it wasn’t for the endless perks it would have been an easy decision, but damn I do love courtside seats...
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11 hours ago, Party_Taco said:


Never married her, thank God, but had a long term GF who was a fall down drunk. Just embarrassing on the reg... had zero control of her emotions and would hit the bottle at the slightest hint of trouble/ challenge.

If it wasn’t for the endless perks it would have been an easy decision, but damn I do love courtside seats...

...and back door entrances... 

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She is not burdened by logic . . . 

Her (furiously texting/loud sigh/endless exasperation):  Forget it.  It's easier just to call her.

Me:  Who?

Her:  [Some friend].  I don't know why I'm telling you.  You never tell me who you are texting.

Me:  You just asked me when we were out on the patio 20 minutes ago who I was texting.  I told you it was the boys and we were coordinating the fantasy draft.

Her:  But I had to ask you.

Me:  ?????

Edited by Upgrayedd
Before you assholes notice
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On 8/31/2020 at 8:18 PM, Jhawkmvp said:

Some stupid shit my wife said a couple years ago...

Jhawkmvp wife: Hon, what would you do if I gave away the dogs without telling you?

Jayhawkmvp: I'd be getting a new bitch the next day.

Jhawkmp wife: You'd get a new dog?

Jhawkmvp: No, first I would try to get the dogs back and then I'd be getting a new girlfriend because our asses would be getting a divorce.

Jayhawkmvp wife: The dogs are more important than me?

Jayhawkmvp: No, but if you gave away my dogs without talking to me first it would show you don't give two shits for my feelings. So why stay married to someone who would do that to someone they supposedly love?  If I had to get rid of them for some reason, I won't do it until I know they would have a good home. You have a responsibility to pets like you do to children. You don't abandon them.

My wife is usually great and was probably just asking a stupid what if; however, I needed to let her know there are some lines you just don't cross if you want to keep your marriage.You never mess with a man's dogs.

I got news for you.  Her boyfriend is a cat person. 

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I don't know if this goes in the wives thread or the dogs thread, but my wife thought it would be cool to teach our dog how to close the door. She (the dog, not the wife) loves to play tug of war. So my wife ties a tug of war rope to the door to the backyard and gives the dog a treat when she pulls the door closed. It's a cute trick but this is the same door that the dog barks at when she wants to go outside to take a shit/piss.

You can guess what happens next... the dog now barks at the door for you to open it, takes one step outside and immediately pulls the door shut and then looks at you like, "Where's my treat motherfucker?" In the work from home environment, my makeshift office is next to said door. So the dog is now constantly barking at me to open the door for her. Clearly, I'm not going to put up with that shit for long, but now every time the dog barks my wife yells at me from her office (aka the dining room), "Let the dog out. She's going to piss on the floor." 

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Damn.  Screw Mrs Ponderer and my brain for the rest of the day.  What has been heard cannot be unheard.    

 

"He's the one they call Dr. Smells Good, he's the one that makes you smell all right!" [/Quote]

 

In case you forgot about it. Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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