Jump to content

How to Deal With Disturbing DNA Test Revelation


Recommended Posts

OK, a few years ago I had a woman show up on FB and say she thought we were long-lost half-siblings. She offered to pay for me to take 23andMe test, which I did.

We were actually cousins, and she was able to figure out that another guy in the family had been the dad. So far, so good.

Well, no huge surprises in my ancestry report. I pretty much look like what they say I am. Among the European part, there was a 7.4% "French/German" part, which is pretty damn vague. I figured I would just add (more) wine into the daily mix, and act a little (more) superior, and done. I'd be a credit to my 7.4% French/German ancestors.

Well, yesterday I got an email from 23andMe, said they had improved their tests to narrow things down to more specific regions. My 7.4% French/German readout was now 7.4%...

 

 

Dutch.

I mean, dammit, how do I even start to process that?

I am scared. I feel cold. I need the wisdom of the Surl. I need a checklist of how to be 7.4% Dutch. So far I have:

--ride a bicycle without a helmet

--sell weed to tourists

--speak English

--Try not to think about my cousin hanging out with Rocko. Or maybe I don't even care. Do Dutch people feel things the way we do?

 

What else?

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

OK, a few years ago I had a woman show up on FB and say she thought we were long-lost half-siblings. She offered to pay for me to take 23andMe test, which I did.

We were actually cousins, and she was able to figure out that another guy in the family had been the dad. So far, so good.

Well, no huge surprises in my ancestry report. I pretty much look like what they say I am. Among the European part, there was a 7.4% "French/German" part, which is pretty damn vague. I figured I would just add (more) wine into the daily mix, and act a little (more) superior, and done. I'd be a credit to my 7.4% French/German ancestors.

Well, yesterday I got an email from 23andMe, said they had improved their tests to narrow things down to more specific regions. My 7.4% French/German readout was now 7.4%...

 

 

Dutch.

Obviously this is bad news, but since you are in Alabama I have to ask - you and this woman, are you still legally married?

  • Like 5
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I work with about 50 of them. 

They don't mince words, at all. 

They are tall af. 

Ive yet to find a good looking Dutch woman. 

If you aren't Dutch, you aren't much. 

And as they will tell you, on the 8th day, God created the Dutch. 

They are also tremendously smarter than Americans, legends in their own minds. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/6/2018 at 10:38 AM, pantone159 said:

Start eating smoked eels?

 

Are those anything like those hard rindy boogers with blood on them that you can blow out of your nose in the shower once the water heats up the air? The kind that get stuck in your molars and you have to lick and lick before they're all gone? Because if they are, I guess I'll try them.

Edited by RDCanecutter
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...