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Tom Herman Is Pressing His Buttcheeks Against Your Mirror & Forcing You To Stare At It


closetojumping

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FWIW, @SydneyCarton and I are imbeciles in the other direction from the ticket canceling saga. While I despise Herman's behaviors and feel like he's not nearly as intelligent as he seems to think he is, we went ahead and bought a fucking suite together, replete with the accompanying season ticket requirements and the whole shitshow. For games like Kansas. I'll mail the check in for 2020 with a multipage strongly-worded letter that includes all posts from this thread and numerous screencaps from the scatfest at Shaggy. 

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1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

FWIW, @SydneyCarton and I are imbeciles in the other direction from the ticket canceling saga. While I despise Herman's behaviors and feel like he's not nearly as intelligent as he seems to think he is, we went ahead and bought a fucking suite together, replete with the accompanying season ticket requirements and the whole shitshow. For games like Kansas. I'll mail the check in for 2020 with a multipage strongly-worded letter that includes all posts from this thread and numerous screencaps from the scatfest at Shaggy. 

fuck that. just show him the last 5 seconds of the kansas game and remind cdc herman was 5 seconds from being fired.

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5 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

FWIW, @SydneyCarton and I are imbeciles in the other direction from the ticket canceling saga. While I despise Herman's behaviors and feel like he's not nearly as intelligent as he seems to think he is, we went ahead and bought a fucking suite together, replete with the accompanying season ticket requirements and the whole shitshow. For games like Kansas. I'll mail the check in for 2020 with a multipage strongly-worded letter that includes all posts from this thread and numerous screencaps from the scatfest at Shaggy. 

Thanks for the fucking reminder. And while we're on the topic of tumbledowns in real life, let me know if you need any assistance on a tumble down, say, a flight of stairs in the South End Zone. 

I'm mailing my check slathered in my own feces and will tell them that technically my money still spends, much like technically what I've been watching on Saturdays is still football.  

Edited by SydneyCarton
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6 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Thanks for the fucking reminder. And while we're on the topic of tumbledowns in real life, let me know if you need any assistance on a tumble down, say, a flight of stairs in the South End Zone. 

I'm mailing my check slathered in my own feces and will tell them that technically my money still spends, much like technically what I've been watching on Saturdays is still football.  

I think this is a great idea.  I wonder how many recruits we will have to lose before Mensa pulls his head out of his own asshole.

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4 hours ago, closetojumping said:

The empty set with a mediocre-to-shitty TE and any ol’TB lined up wide makes no sense. Every defense we play knows that that look is going to be flashed. Only someone as weak as KU could allow for even a smidgeon of getting taken advantage of beyond a play or two by either position. It’s fucking absurd watching teams mostly ignore both players routinely and then bracketing one or more of the WRs.  Meanwhile, Washington and Jake Smith are on the sidelines, witnessing this, and wondering why the fuck they came here.

If it was good enough for Greg Davis, it's by god good enough for Mensa Tom.

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2 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Whoever said "this is why we can't have nice things" was just plain wrong. We absolutely can have nice things, they'll just come with death-threat letters smeared with feces.

So, we got that goin' for us.

I didn't say anything about death threats, sir. It's a check that technically will cash. 

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17 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

But wait if his buttcheeks are pressed up against your mirror how could you actually see it? You're not inside your mirror. Right?

 

I was just in the bathroom practicing this move in case I ever get invited to CTJ/Sydney's Honeymoon Suite and I could not see anything other than the surprised expressions on people's faces when they walked into the men's room.

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3 hours ago, Ricky's one-hitter said:

The package and personnel issues are the hardest to get past on offense. For all the insistence on "best 11", trotting out Epps and jag tight ends at h is unacceptable. We have playmakers all over the sidelines and are watching Epps get beat for contested balls every time. When he does catch it, he's not making anyone miss. They must start mixing in rbs and hybrid guys at H to provide a schematic advantage. Current personnel not cutting it. I don't care if Herman does nothing to the offensive staff as long as he makes schematic changes that put our actual "best 11" on the field.

On defense, fire Todd. I like Todd, he's a good man and recruiter, but fire the fuck out of Todd Orlando and throw cash at the best young DC you can find. Go get Scalley from Utah and let him decide who else to keep, if anyone. 

 

 

2.5 years of decisions have taught us there’s pretty much no chance this happens.

The only silver lining is that he’s done a very good job recruiting to his offensive system, so our personnel will fit his stringent system better moving forward. If one of Liebrock/Wiley pans out, a TE will be one of his best 11 and motioning guys like Bijan and Whittington out wide won’t allow defenses to ignore them.

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5 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Dude, you are accusing me of being an attention whore. Water is wet. I used the premise to mock you because of the silliness of it. There are nothing but attention whores here, and sure, if this thread title makes me the attention-whoriest, give me the fucking prize and I will put it on the wall.

Out of curiosity, did you ever refer to Mack as "thin skinned?"  

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3 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

This is where my frustration and mild pessimism come from-- we are not as far along as I hoped and we seem to be trending in the wrong direction defensively. And, after 35 years of patience, I'm concerned that we're all going to agree to be Good Football Fans and just wait patiently over the next six years as Herman tries to fix the problems that are gradually more and more his making. 

That seems overwrought. If Herman does indeed plateau or even drop off, and recruiting follows suit, I doubt we'll be talking about him six years from now. Just relax and see how this entire season goes.

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2 hours ago, stork642 said:

Again, so Strong didn’t force you to do this but Herman who is immensely better than Strong is just more than you can handle.  You seem like a troll.  I’m not sure that I have ever seen even one of your posts that weren’t just completed awful.  

Excellent point.

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This is a very specific fear. I'd suggest worrying about the short term because we only get 11-13 games a year and no one knows what's going to happen. That's why watching sports is fun.



Texas's has five games left.

Texas will continue to frustrate fans in defense. Most opponents will move the ball and score a lot.

Fortunately, Texas has the best quarterback in the Big 12. That counts for something. In four of those five games, he will frustrate opposing fans more than the Texas defense elates them, and Texas will win. In one of those games, likely not against Iowa State or Baylor, but one of the average teams left on the schedule because that's how life works, Texas will lose. Surly will haz a sad.

There will be a rematch with Oklahoma in Arlington. By the end if it, most of us on here would wish there hadn't been.

Texas will win the Alamo Bowl against a crappy Pac 12 opponent. Orlando will return in 2020.

$9.95 please. Paypal or venmo works. Enjoy the hours you'll save.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

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30 minutes ago, Tired Horn said:

That seems overwrought.

From your multiple responses to me, I can tell you don't get the point I'm making, so I'm going to spell it out for you: you would have been saying this same fucking shit midway through the 2000 season. I will not be satisfied with Tom Herman if 13 years from now, we have one national championship, two conference titles, and a boatload of embarrassing losses to OU to show for his tenure. 

Right now, to the extent I spend any time thinking about Texas football when I'm not fucking around on an Internet message board to kill time, I am concerned with the same things the OP is: Herman's ill-placed faith in his modest intellectual horsepower is leading him to make decisions that if repeated over the course of any time frame you want me to just "relax and enjoy" will cost us. 

Texas football is not fun to watch right now. Your attitude is, "well then don't watch". My attitude is, "I want $6.8m-per-year-coach Tom Herman to fucking fix the shit that makes it hard to enjoy". Oklahoma had a joke of a defense during Lincoln Riley's first two years. One mid-season DC firing and one aggressive off-season hiring later, they don't have that problem. A similar responsiveness from our head coach would be appreciated-- but as the last 35 years have shown, we don't really do responsiveness around here. It's not good for the kids to win too much, you see.  

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2 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

But wait if his buttcheeks are pressed up against your mirror how could you actually see it? You're not inside your mirror. Right?

 

 

 

Up is down, down is up! Closetojumping is NOT close to jumping. The ham is not pressed. Herman is a genius, stuffed with aged moron and rolled in retard. It's crazy I tell ya, crazy! 

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  • It can also be argued that Ash's Rutgers program and Beaty's KU program were the worst performing P5 programs over the past 5 years. These are lead guys that are lately in Tom Herman's ear about game prep and program dynamics. Sweet.

 

when coupled with his initial hires who are all still here.... well, if recruiting is job 1a in coaching, hiring assistants is job 1b.

Maybe that's backwards, but he sucks at bringing in guys who can coach football.   If other programs aren't at least trying to poach your assistants, you're doing it wrong.  

At this point how confident are you that if he found a great assistant and lost him to a HC gig, that he would be able to find a competent replacement?  Double edged sword for sure, but making good hires is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

if he were determined to out recruit everyone, he should have moved samples to a position and cut loose an anchor..

 

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I'm confused, is this a two way mirror such as those used in every tv/movie police drama ever filmed, or..

Not that I really want to see Herman's buttcheeks, just trying to figure out the logistics of staring at them if he has them pressed up against my mirror.

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9 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

From your multiple responses to me, I can tell you don't get the point I'm making, so I'm going to spell it out for you: you would have been saying this same fucking shit midway through the 2000 season. I will not be satisfied with Tom Herman if 13 years from now, we have one national championship, two conference titles, and a boatload of embarrassing losses to OU to show for his tenure. 

Right now, to the extent I spend any time thinking about Texas football when I'm not fucking around on an Internet message board to kill time, I am concerned with the same things the OP is: Herman's ill-placed faith in his modest intellectual horsepower is leading him to make decisions that if repeated over the course of any time frame you want me to just "relax and enjoy" will cost us. 

Texas football is not fun to watch right now. Your attitude is, "well then don't watch". My attitude is, "I want $6.8m-per-year-coach Tom Herman to fucking fix the shit that makes it hard to enjoy". Oklahoma had a joke of a defense during Lincoln Riley's first two years. One mid-season DC firing and one aggressive off-season hiring later, they don't have that problem. A similar responsiveness from our head coach would be appreciated-- but as the last 35 years have shown, we don't really do responsiveness around here. It's not good for the kids to win too much, you see.  

I've watched Texas football for a long time now, including multiple periods that were not fun at all to watch, and it's not just the same thing over and over. There are specific internal and external circumstances, coupled with individual coaching strengths and weaknesses, that explain the fate of each regime. That makes us pretty much like anyone else. I know it's irritating to see Oklahoma have success on a continual basis, but the simple truth is that Stoops was, on average, a better coach than Mack. That's why Lincoln Riley also inherited a better setup. 

Herman has got the job now. His fate has yet to be written. Maybe he'll right the ship and make us a contender again. Maybe he'll plateau at 8-9 wins and end up eventually fired. There's no way to know yet. It's fair to point out things you'd like to see, such as some movement on the defensive front. But it's Herman's job. He'll make the decisions and succeed or fail accordingly. No one says "don't watch," but you always need to find some aspect of watching that makes the inevitable ebb and flow of life tolerable.  

Good luck. 

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1 minute ago, Tired Horn said:

I've watched Texas football for a long time now, including multiple periods that were not fun at all to watch, and it's not just the same thing over and over. There are specific internal and external circumstances, coupled with individual coaching strengths and weaknesses, that explain the fate of each regime. That makes us pretty much like anyone else. I know it's irritating to see Oklahoma have success on a continual basis, but the simple truth is that Stoops was, on average, a better coach than Mack. That's why Lincoln Riley also inherited a better setup. 

Herman has got the job now. His fate has yet to be written. Maybe he'll right the ship and make us a contender again. Maybe he'll plateau at 8-9 wins and end up eventually fired. There's no way to know yet. It's fair to point out things you'd like to see, such as some movement on the defensive front. But it's Herman's job. He'll make the decisions and succeed or fail accordingly. No one says "don't watch," but you always need to find some aspect of watching that makes the inevitable ebb and flow of life tolerable.  

Good luck. 

Can't disagree with any of that, except for the part implying I have difficulty with "life". I don't. I don't waste time on non-essential things that bring me unhappiness. When Texas Football isn't fun to watch, I am not one of those who puts on the hairshirt and sits through four hours of fuckery. Been there, done that, don't need it. 

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Casey Horny is here because ... broseph.  That's it.  Or is it the special teams wisdom that is so evident on the field?  I'm sure he's the brains behind Cam Dicker's leg.  What's the upside to such a vile and repugnant hire?  Is there a valuable skill set there that's worth any level of blemish on the character of an entire athletic program?  

C16X8avVEAAuQjW.jpg

 

Aside from Art Briles' daughter, nobody defended Baylor and one of the biggest pieces of shit in college football history with more defiant fervor than Casey Horny.  You know you've hit a home run of a hire when your boss has to do this upon their arrival:

C2aJshWVIAAbDhe.jpg

 

Props to the Herman's for the support they provided to the wife of Zack Smith.  But where was the upside with ol' Horndog's hire?  Did Casey Horny just feign combative loyalty to Briles in hope that it'd pay off later?  Did he really feel that way?  Either way, fuck right off with that hire.

 

 

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55 minutes ago, Tired Horn said:

I know it's irritating to see Oklahoma have success on a continual basis, but the simple truth is that Stoops was, on average, a better coach than Mack. That's why Lincoln Riley also inherited a better setup. 

And yet once that was abundantly clear, it took at least 10 years, arguably longer, before we got around to firing Mack.  How long are we going to be happy with having the worse coach this time?  Maybe we'll get lucky and there's fire to go along with the Riley to the NFL smoke.

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1 hour ago, ousux said:

I'm confused, is this a two way mirror such as those used in every tv/movie police drama ever filmed, or..

Not that I really want to see Herman's buttcheeks, just trying to figure out the logistics of staring at them if he has them pressed up against my mirror.

Close

To

Jumping!

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Casey Horny is here because ... broseph.  That's it.  Or is it the special teams wisdom that is so evident on the field?  I'm sure he's the brains behind Cam Dicker's leg.  What's the upside to such a vile and repugnant hire?  Is there a valuable skill set there that's worth any level of blemish on the character of an entire athletic program?  
C16X8avVEAAuQjW.jpg
 
Aside from Art Briles' daughter, nobody defended Baylor and one of the biggest pieces of shit in college football history with more defiant fervor than Casey Horny.  You know you've hit a home run of a hire when your boss has to do this upon their arrival:
C2aJshWVIAAbDhe.jpg
 
Props to the Herman's for the support they provided to the wife of Zack Smith.  But where was the upside with ol' Horndog's hire?  Did Casey Horny just feign combative loyalty to Briles in hope that it'd pay off later?  Did he really feel that way?  Either way, fuck right off with that hire.
 
 

That hire was strike one for Herman in my eyes and I said so at the time. In some way I'm glad three are such issues in social teams because Texas deserves itb for hiring him.

When Herman inevitably keeps Orlando despite a downward trendline bottoming out with a historically bad defense, and the defense still sucks next year, that'll be strike two.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

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