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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread


Nice Guy Eddie

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My MIL asked me to handle the turkey this year. I declined her offer to procure the turkey since I knew that it would be the cheapest one that she could find and that it would likely be half-frozen and unbrined when I arrived.

So far this morning she has questioned every aspect of the turkey preparation.

Where did you get it?
Central Market.

Did you thaw it properly?
It’s never been frozen.

Did you transport it properly?
Yes. See that big cooler of ice over there...

Why isn’t it brined?
I dry brined it. Look it up.

Make sure you don’t undercook it.
In a slow year, I cook for over 1000 people. I know what I’m doing.

Why are you drinking so early?
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What is that you’re putting in the gravy?
It’s some bone broth that I made the other day.

Use this. It’s better.
*Hands me a can of low sodium store brand chicken broth.

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12 minutes ago, freyguy said:

What the hell, are yall oil barons?

No sweatpants and old shirts?

I think PilotsError was the militant shorts at Thanksgiving wearer.

8 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

Are you the guy with the mullet?

I seriously hope so.

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What is that you’re putting in the gravy?
It’s some bone broth that I made the other day.

Use this. It’s better.
*Hands me a can of low sodium store brand chicken broth.

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The gravy just got thinner. I’m pretty sure she poured some of her broth in the gravy when I was in the bathroom.

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2 minutes ago, BradInATX said:
4 minutes ago, G650 said:
Shut your pie hole

I'll allow it.

cheers_law_and_order.gif

 

I am ready for some more family tears and angst in here myself.

My in laws just arrived so we've reached the part of the day where I pretend I'm checking on the turkey while drinking brown liquor.

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2 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

I’m going to my redneck brother in laws which is always a opportunity for stupid or crazy shit.  My favorite quote of his was At Christmas a few years back, him talking to his son about a truck they were fixing up for him when he gets his license.  “Boy you better pass summer school cause you ain’t driving to junior high”.  They are dumb as a block of bricks.  

I'm still catching up but god damn this made me laugh hard

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2 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

My BIL & FIL both listen to videos on their phones with no headphones and the volume up. 
 

Super fucking annoying 

You try this at my house & your phone is getting locked in the garage. Same with playing video games with the sound not muted. That's shit I just don't tolerate.

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Breaking drama at the Putt thanksgiving :
 

my brother’s MiL did not have any pies or desserts at her house. My brother and his family are begging for a mini thanksgiving tomorrow at my mom’s house, with pie. We are scrambling to have green bean casserole and broccoli casserole for them tomorrow. And pie 

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My brother and dad are hunting elk in AZ this week so it’s just my mom, my wife and kids and I. Mom fell and hurt her back so didn’t want to cook (the good news). She was hesitant but agreed to go out to eat. I suggested moonshine or second bar and kitchen but that was too expensive (they live in a 5,000 sf house on Westlake Drive) so we settled on Hoover’s. Got there at 10:50 and were eating by 11:30. All in all it was pretty painless. 
 

The in-laws are coming in January though so I’ll be bumping this then. 

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47 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Update:

Arrived after a 30 minute drive to go roughly 10 miles due to construction where we then waited from 10:50 to 12:00 in line to get our cafeteria food. I've never seen a worse spectacle of humanity.

 

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1.5 hour at this point for these people

 

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It smelled as bad as it looks in there.

 

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[CR] Sure, wear your Trump hat to Thanksgiving [/CR]

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Shit ton of Aggies everywhere really completed the whole deal.

 

 

If God turns out to be real this is a very good sample of what my eternity will look like near the Lake of Fire.

 

 

Is this real life?

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On 11/7/2019 at 11:37 AM, SimonBolivar said:

Just got the news that my parents decided to take all of us and our spouses to the Bellmead Luby's for Thanksgiving Lunch.

 

You  win..  Although earlier today I sat on the beach with the family and fried chicken and cocktails.  But it's almost time to head out to the Family dinner.  Godspeed Everyone.

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My family called to say hi and I could hear arguing in the background. So glad we stayed home, ate Greenberg turkey, green rice, dressing and sweet potato casserole, saw It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, about to eat a pumpkin cheesecake from Wegmans, drink some Troegs Mad Elf SND later on fuck like rabbits.

Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.

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I was hoping to have something good to add when the people who my uncle owes thousands of dollars to just happened to drop by while he was here. I was getting the popcorn ready but there were no fireworks. Too bad. However I’m pretty sure they’ll catch up with him later.

My dad and uncles did check off several of the old southern white guy bitching boxes: Muslims, gays, Democrats, Obama, Clinton all present and accounted for.

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3 minutes ago, Okie State said:

Waiting in line for Luby's. Now I've seen it all.

It was unlike any experience I've ever had in my life. Everyone there from a 95 year old to a 2 year old understood that this moment was the lowest point of their life. It was much like what I'd imagine a shelter in West Virginia would be like right after a Nuclear holocaust.

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I'd rather drink Jameson's and eat saltines and vienna sausage on my couch than eat cafeteria food with the poor zombies in that Luby's line.

My favorite Thanksgivings were with my in-laws in their prime - tender, juicy, crusty, spicy, sweet everything on the big table, and my bookie FIL in the recliner drinking Miller and taking bets on Cowboys and Lions games, Texas vs Ags (this was the 70s, 80s and 90s), and jacking up the line on his loyal Alabama bettors for the Auburn game.

Ahh, Stimpy, those were the days.

Sorry, no misery or drama.  The attitude is gratitude in these funky times, brothers.  Good luck fixing whatever's messed up on the 40 acres. We have a home & home coming up soon.  Hope we don't start tailing off either.  Bama vs Texas needs to rock.

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