Jump to content

Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

My daughter's dog has the annoying habit of taking a dump, waiting until i use the bag I brought to pick it up, and walking a little more and taking another dump.

Yep, learned a long time ago to bring at least 3 bags. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

One of my old dogs would do the whole "violently kick grass onto fresh turd" routine about one out of every hundred shits, and only once I had already bent over to begin picking up. 

Mine does it every single goddamn time.  It's like the roadrunner legs when he takes off

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

mine has gained the ability to poop without really slowing down so sometimes i have to look back over the last 50' to see if he's left a trail of nuggets. 

being blind, when he runs from his poop at the end of the leash it causes him to circle back and almost step in his poop while i'm in the process of picking up after him

i just bring the whole roll of bags at this point. 

Edited by elfenix
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, elfenix said:

mine has gained the ability to poop without really slowing down so sometimes i have to look back over the last 50' to see if he's left a trail of nuggets. 

being blind, when he runs from his poop at the end of the leash it causes him to circle back and almost step in his poop while i'm in the process of picking up after him

i just bring the whole roll of bags at this point. 

Get your dog a boat. 

 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a large front porch with a step in front of a screen door on the front door. Without fail, Favor sets the food right against the door. How the fuck do you expect me to open the door to get it you fucksticks? If I push it open, it’ll fall off the step which may or may not be a problem depending on the order. My porch is like 10’x30’. There’s not a single other spot you could set it down?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I’ve recently had to watch the animated version of Beauty and the Beast about 800 times and there is one plot hole that I just can’t get over. 

in the beginning the hot witch turns the prince into a beast with the magic rose as a timer to eternal damnation on his 21st birthday.

we know Belle saves him at the last possible second because we see the final petal fall, so we know that he turned 21 at that moment. 

-however, during the ‘Be Our Guest’ song the candlestick guy says “for 10 years we’ve been rusting, needing so much more than dusting...”

That means that that fucking witch cursed an 11 y/o boy.  The fuck? Are 11 y/o supposed to let freaky ladies into their house at night? Also, is it fair the judge the worth of ones entire soul on who they were when they were 11? I mean shit, as a rule 11y/o aren’t the best at thinking of others. 
 

in conclusion, fuck that chick.

Edited by Doc Reeves
  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Deamerxt said:

Arriving at my destination and before I can get the car parked, I have to take a piss and IT'S A FUCKING EMERGENCY NO IT CANNOT WAIT YOU MUST PISS THIS VERY SECOND!!1!

And then when I piss it's like a third of a cup.

Yeah, usual bullshitting aside, this sounds like it could be an angry prostate or some other major malfunction. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Make him buy you dinner first though.
  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, Deamerxt said:

I appreciate y'all's concern, but it's the coffee. That's why it's every day, and why it's never gonna stop.

And that's why it makes me surly.

I feel ya, but...I drink coffee like a madman. Actually, I drink everything like a madman. Maybe I am a madman...?  

The point is, I piss like a fucking firehose. You should too. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, After irth said:

...I drink coffee like a madman...I piss like a fucking firehose. You should too. 

Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 

I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.

The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 

I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Deamerxt said:

Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 

I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.

The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 

I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

So you say "hella" but you have problems pissing? Meaning you aren't old enough to where you should have problems pissing?

Might want to make an appointment there, chief.

Edited by ztejas
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 
I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.
The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 
I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

Wait....you drink two POTS of coffee a day?

Dude....that’s an insane amount of caffeine.

Shit, when I got up to 4-5 cups a day, I realized it was a bit much, dialed it back to 2-4 cups. Maybe try mixing in some water?
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Please don't tell me "the book is better than the movie". I expect a different experience when reading a book vs. watching a movie and the two aren't comparable. So shut you smug mouth.

99 times out of a hundred the book is better.  Exceptions:

Deliverance.

The old man and the sea

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


Wait....you drink two POTS of coffee a day?

Dude....that’s an insane amount of caffeine.

Shit, when I got up to 4-5 cups a day, I realized it was a bit much, dialed it back to 2-4 cups. Maybe try mixing in some water?

No shit.  If I get to cup #3 too quickly I can feel my blood pressure getting angry at me.  I drink water all day, every day.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

It's almost as if trying to condense 3,000 pages of character development into a 1:45 film takes something away from it. Shocking, I know.

People always overlook this; Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me don’t lose much if anything when translated to film, but they were like 130 page stories..

  • Hook 'Em 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...