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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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4 hours ago, Lobo said:

Kinda like wiping down the remote control in an hotel room after you check-in.  It takes 10 seconds and severely limits your contact with other men's semen.    

Never, EVER touch the hotel remote with your bare hands. You can’t sanitize it enough. It’s got semen ground into every nook and cranny on the device. If it’s left on the bed, or the TV has the welcome screen on, then use a washcloth or a plastic glass wrapper to turn the TV off, place the remote completely out of the way, and never touch it again. Don’t even look at it. 

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44 minutes ago, nnm said:

Never, EVER touch the hotel remote with your bare hands. You can’t sanitize it enough. It’s got semen ground into every nook and cranny on the device. If it’s left on the bed, or the TV has the welcome screen on, then use a washcloth or a plastic glass wrapper to turn the TV off, place the remote completely out of the way, and never touch it again. Don’t even look at it. 

Also a good reason not to touch another guy’s cell phone or iPad ...

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7 hours ago, markstanco said:
On 1/3/2020 at 8:47 PM, closetohumping said:
not as annoying as doofus not passing on the left.

That would be because you are in the left lane.

I’m like the opposite of a doofus but thanks bro

 

 

 

now. Back on topic.  How’d that fat bald dad from just the ten of us have so many hot daughters?

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1 minute ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Some of you people aren’t going to last very long when the zombie apocalypse comes

Zombies don't jizz, I'll be just fine.  Sounds like T'Boo will kinda miss the taboo rush of licking the remote when he checks into a businessman traveler hotel.  

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1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

I’m like the opposite of a doofus but thanks bro

Your doofus writing makes it unclear whether you are upset about other people being in the left lane without passing (if this is what you tried to say, I agree with you), or if you're upset that people sometimes pass you on the right (if this upsets you, it is because you are a bad driver with no lane discipline and you should drive into the nearest ocean at your earliest convenience.) 

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On 1/5/2020 at 4:21 PM, nnm said:

Never, EVER touch the hotel remote with your bare hands. You can’t sanitize it enough. It’s got semen ground into every nook and cranny on the device. If it’s left on the bed, or the TV has the welcome screen on, then use a washcloth or a plastic glass wrapper to turn the TV off, place the remote completely out of the way, and never touch it again. Don’t even look at it. 

I’ve beat off in a lot of hotel rooms, but I’ve never came on the remote’s tits.

Am I doing it wrong?

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Yeah, Hands always get a bit of stuff on em even with tissue or wash cloth.  And then you still handle the remote.  Not as bad anymore because you can get better, free porn on your phone or laptop which is why I also wipe down the work station area In a hotel room.  
statistically speaking, one of you surly travelers who doesn’t spend two minutes wiping down tactical parts of the room, has either video-chatted with your family or eaten room service right on top of my semen.  

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^^^^ I have an assortment of pnuematic strokers and thrusters on the shelf. We can probably hang it from your shoulders like a bass drum or make a belt of some sort. The compressed air thing will be cumbersome or we could design some sort of servo unit with a battery pack. Be a lot more expensive. Figure out which way you want to go and I'll get a quote worked up.

Edited by Shoxthemonkey
clarity
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1 hour ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

^^^^ I have an assortment of pnuematic strokers and thrusters on the shelf. We can probably hang it from your shoulders like a bass drum or make a belt of some sort. The compressed air thing will be cumbersome or we could design some sort of servo unit with a battery pack. Be a lot more expensive. Figure out which way you want to go and I'll get a quote worked up.

Username...checking out nicely. 

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On 1/2/2020 at 6:25 PM, Lobo said:

That’s more of a federal KYC thing really.  It’s my attention to the big picture at my bank that has me up for promotion to assistant Vice President. 

Speaking of Vice Presidents at banks, what's with the title inflation in the financial service space? Do banks really need 10,000 Vice Presidents? You know, people that don't hold any actual decision making authority, and are essentially low-mid level managers. Does it just make them feel special?

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34 minutes ago, StruggleBus said:

Speaking of Vice Presidents at banks, what's with the title inflation in the financial service space? Do banks really need 10,000 Vice Presidents? You know, people that don't hold any actual decision making authority, and are essentially low-mid level managers. Does it just make them feel special?

Well, as someone who is up for a promotion to Associate Vice President at my bank...I can tell you that most G&A at a bank is not needed.  Community Banks/Credit Unions in particular, are about to be exposed.  They're spending an insane amount on fintech trying to keep up with big/innovative banks.  But they also continue to spend a lot on real estate and staff.  Pretty soon, consumers are going to get wise to the fact that about 25% of the interest on their loan payments goes to pay for this cumbersome G&A bullshit.  Every single branch has a half dozen people just hoping that you'll walk in today to ask about opening an IRA or HELOC or inquire about exciting new loan programs on those new Plymouths coming in this Autumn.  It's a complete sham.  Look at where your bank is, an absolute 3000 square foot hunk of prime real estate.  Used to be a necessity so you'd see them, now it's just a waste of your money.  

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7 hours ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

^^^^ I have an assortment of pnuematic strokers and thrusters on the shelf. We can probably hang it from your shoulders like a bass drum or make a belt of some sort. The compressed air thing will be cumbersome or we could design some sort of servo unit with a battery pack. Be a lot more expensive. Figure out which way you want to go and I'll get a quote worked up.

rs_500x281-131218123328-seor-gif-shut-up

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5 hours ago, Lobo said:

Well, as someone who is up for a promotion to Associate Vice President at my bank...I can tell you that most G&A at a bank is not needed.  Community Banks/Credit Unions in particular, are about to be exposed.  They're spending an insane amount on fintech trying to keep up with big/innovative banks.  But they also continue to spend a lot on real estate and staff.  Pretty soon, consumers are going to get wise to the fact that about 25% of the interest on their loan payments goes to pay for this cumbersome G&A bullshit.  Every single branch has a half dozen people just hoping that you'll walk in today to ask about opening an IRA or HELOC or inquire about exciting new loan programs on those new Plymouths coming in this Autumn.  It's a complete sham.  Look at where your bank is, an absolute 3000 square foot hunk of prime real estate.  Used to be a necessity so you'd see them, now it's just a waste of your money.  

USAA banking is awesome. And I have never even seen a branch, let alone walked into one. There are only four of them. Period. https://www.usaa.com/inet/pages/usaa_financial_center

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Probably part of the reason their rates are so damn good.  I give it one more round of shitty banks bringing our economy to the brink before people realize, "Oh, that building is why they charge me so much goddamn money." 

Look at how many closed drive-thru banks there are just in downtown Austin.  The real estate and the waste of space employees are screaming to be shredded. 

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23 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

On banks- all I really need is an atm that doesn't charge me a fee for cash withdrawal for the occasional titter trip.

Never get an ATM withdrawal fee with USAA. Anywhere in the world (and I travel internationally for work A LOT). They reimburse for any ATM fee. If you didn’t serve, get in through one of your parents or grandparents that did. It’s worth it for the banking alone, but the rates, responsiveness and service in their insurance is second to none. And given the international nature of their member base, they are great on international banking issues. 

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The fucking Weather Channel data pushed to the iphone. Maybe it’s me but if the current low is 20+ degrees colder than your low for the day, maybe your app should reflect that. Also they predict 70 but the highest temp on the hour by hour forecast is 67. It’s wrong like this every fucking day. WTF.

 

a42955e98e0ce77a6a4700371d30b25c.jpg

 

 

 

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17 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

Speaking of Vice Presidents at banks, what's with the title inflation in the financial service space? Do banks really need 10,000 Vice Presidents? You know, people that don't hold any actual decision making authority, and are essentially low-mid level managers. Does it just make them feel special?

Is there a point in having Directors who dont manage? or Managers who dont direct? 

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44 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

The fucking Weather Channel data pushed to the iphone. Maybe it’s me but if the current low is 20+ degrees colder than your low for the day, maybe your app should reflect that. Also they predict 70 but the highest temp on the hour by hour forecast is 67. It’s wrong like this every fucking day. WTF.

 

a42955e98e0ce77a6a4700371d30b25c.jpg

 

Additional item that makes me surly-- "Feels like" temps. Fuck that. Just tell me what the fuck the temp is and I'll determine what it "feels like".

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14 hours ago, HenryJames said:

f7812624858f95a5ba29d0b2fe4e428d.jpg

Fuck that place.  Last time I had to go in, I decided fuck it, I'm doing this right.  Took most of the day off work took a nice drive through the hill country to the DPS in Marble Falls, was out of there in under an hour and had lunch at Bluebonnet Cafe.  Took a little bit of the sting out. 

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My shower is about 5 steps from my closet, which is where I hang my towel up. About once a month (this morning) I forget to bring the towel to the edge of the shower.  Its cold AF getting to the closet for the towel and I make the bathroom floor all wet since I am wet (insert joke). 

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16 hours ago, HenryJames said:

f7812624858f95a5ba29d0b2fe4e428d.jpg

I went in October and before the lady at the info desk could tell me where that form was, the other lady was paging my number to come on back for service.

Fuck yes.  Under 15 minutes and no appointment.

Unbelievably fast, simply because I had planned on it taking an hour or 2.  Of course it was Potter County, too; but the little places have smaller staffs.  Sometimes they can be a beating too.

Edited by Iceman
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3 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Fuck that place.  Last time I had to go in, I decided fuck it, I'm doing this right.  Took most of the day off work took a nice drive through the hill country to the DPS in Marble Falls, was out of there in under an hour and had lunch at Bluebonnet Cafe.  Took a little bit of the sting out. 

 

1 hour ago, Iceman said:

I went in October and before the lady at the info desk could tell me where that form was, the other lady was paging my number to come on back for service.

Fuck yes.  Under 15 minutes and no appointment.

Unbelievably fast, simply because I had planned on it taking an hour or 2.  Of course it was Potter County, too; but the little places have smaller staffs.  Sometimes they can be a beating too.

An hour and 45 minutes, but at least I was smart enough to check to see what forms and supporting docs I needed. Sat next to a Vietnam vet who had to go home and get the right documents and then get back in line. Also said he had most of his ass blown off by a phosphorous grenade. I think this most recent experience was worse.

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3 hours ago, HenryJames said:

 

An hour and 45 minutes, but at least I was smart enough to check to see what forms and supporting docs I needed. Sat next to a Vietnam vet who had to go home and get the right documents and then get back in line. Also said he had most of his ass blown off by a phosphorous grenade. I think this most recent experience was worse.

Great.  A bureaucratic mess pissing off an elderly vet with potential PTSD.  Sounds like an ideal situation.

Kind of like this 93-year old dude who flipped out on Jan. 2 in Vegas.  His apartment maintenance staff didn't fix his apartment to his liking, so he took a pistol over to the apartment office and shot the maintenance worker in the gut and then the leg.   No one killed, thank God.  

https://dfw.cbslocal.com/2020/01/08/93-year-old-gunman-vegas-water-damage-shoots-worker/

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18 hours ago, nnm said:

Never get an ATM withdrawal fee with USAA. Anywhere in the world (and I travel internationally for work A LOT). They reimburse for any ATM fee. If you didn’t serve, get in through one of your parents or grandparents that did. It’s worth it for the banking alone, but the rates, responsiveness and service in their insurance is second to none. And given the international nature of their member base, they are great on international banking issues. 

been trying to get my dad to open an account there for years.  every time i bring it up he just tells me USAA was for officers and GEICO was for enlisted.

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Why the postal sucks at their job on full display.

You have to read from the bottom up since it is a daily tracking. Hilarious.


Shipped with USPS


Wednesday, January 8

10:43 AM

Delivered

Texarkana, TX US

7:10 AM

Out for delivery

Texarkana, TX US

4:59 AM

Package arrived at a carrier facility

Texarkana, TX US

Tuesday, January 7

9:47 PM

Package has left the carrier facility

Shreveport, LA

8:29 PM

Package arrived at a carrier facility

Shreveport La Distribution Center, US

12:48 AM

Package has left the carrier facility

Little Rock, AR

12:07 AM

Package arrived at a carrier facility

Little Rock Ar Distribution Center Annex, US

Sunday, January 5

11:55 AM

Possible delay in delivery due to arrival at incorrect carrier facility

Magnolia, AR

11:55 AM

Package arrived at a carrier facility

Magnolia, AR US

5:16 AM

Package transferred to local postal carrier for final delivery

Texarkana, TX US

5:10 AM

Package arrived at a carrier facility

Texarkana, TX US

Saturday, January 4

3:00 AM

Package departed an Amazon facility

Wilmer, TX US

Friday, January 3

5:37 PM

Package arrived at an Amazon facility

Wilmer, Texas US

Package has shipped

Times are shown in the local timezone.


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20 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

You go to a sushi restaurant or taco place and every God damn roll or taco has avacado in it.

Not every God damn taco or roll needs fucking avacado. 

Jesus fucking Christ the avacado lobby is stronger than the bike, pro-gun, anti-gun, pro-choice, Christian fundamental and banking lobbies combined. 

/Zero cr

Not every fucking person loves avacado. Stop.

Yeah, but there haas to be something wrong with those people. 

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