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Trivial things that make you surly


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Wow, not only are you a cannibal, but a glutton too.

Got a summons today to appear in Houston City Court as a witness.  The fuckstick that rear ended me on I10 and totaled my car is contesting his ticket.  I’m going to ask for the death penalty.

People who aren’t aware enough of their surroundings to know when someone else would like to get through without having to be told.  Wife and I had this tonight at dinner.  Some fucking guy and his da

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2 hours ago, deadshank said:

Not positioning the manhole covers in the center of the drive lanes but rather in the two tracks where, if you stay centered in your drive lane, you hit every single one of them.  Bonus points when the street gets an asphalt overlay to make the manhole countersunk into the street surface.  
 

Ka-thunk - ka-thunk. 
 

I think someone at the City of Houston made a deal with the area front end alignment shops and is getting an override on profits.  

When they put the manhole covers in the center of the road and don't line up the stripes when they replace the cover.

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10 hours ago, deadshank said:

Not positioning the manhole covers in the center of the drive lanes but rather in the two tracks where, if you stay centered in your drive lane, you hit every single one of them.  Bonus points when the street gets an asphalt overlay to make the manhole countersunk into the street surface.  
 

Ka-thunk - ka-thunk. 
 

I think someone at the City of Houston made a deal with the area front end alignment shops and is getting an override on profits.  

If you are ever driving through Odom, Tx heading to Corpus or points to the South, stay on the inside lane to avoid the manhole covers.  Some things just stick with you.

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11 hours ago, slorch said:

or Allsups...

Hell's aroma is the smell of rancid grease in every Allsups everywhere. It permeates every molecule of clothing, your hair, your skin, like cigarette smoke from bars in the days before smokers were exiled to the street, or the hellish BO from Seinfeld. It hits you in the face when you walk in the door, you feel it under your soles as you slide around the counter, and you taste it on the back of your tongue for days after your unfortunate foray into the crypt.

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20 minutes ago, nnm said:

Hell's aroma is the smell of rancid grease in every Allsups everywhere. It permeates every molecule of clothing, your hair, your skin, like cigarette smoke from bars in the days before smokers were exiled to the street, or the hellish BO from Seinfeld. It hits you in the face when you walk in the door, you feel it under your soles as you slide around the counter, and you taste it on the back of your tongue for days after your unfortunate foray into the crypt.

And oh how I miss it.

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The middle school pickup / dropoff line ... it is worse than elementary and high school ... for some reason, Little Johnny feels like this is the right place to finish his breakfast and brush his teeth ... and every parent puts Little Jenny's bag in the trunk, so she has to (once done brushing teeth) get out, mom pops the trunk, walk around and dig through the trunk to get her backpack or flute ... and everyone must get out at the absolute closest spot to the door ... not like five kids can get out at once because one poor bastard has to walk and extra 50 feet.

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On 10/23/2020 at 6:17 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

There's no way this sub wasn't ready in 15 minutes. Next time I'll get in line and then call in my order. 

 

On 10/24/2020 at 10:49 AM, slorch said:

Better to underpromise and overdeliver...except if the food is cold.

I agree with whatthebuck, in that i want to come in right when it's coming off the line.  I understand the WHY of places doing it, but it still sucks when you get it home and it's room temp.

Our local Pizza Planet, from whom I admittedly occasionally indulge in crap pizza, will tell me on the phone, "give us 20 minutes."  I will walk in there 19 min after the call and my double pepperoni/ extra cheese is just coming out of the oven; so they get it pretty damned spot on.

You fuckers are doing it wrong.   The proper way to order is you go sit at the bar, order your to go food, and drink 2-3 beers while you’re waiting. 

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9 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

You fuckers are doing it wrong.   The proper way to order is you go sit at the bar, order your to go food, and drink 2-3 beers while you’re waiting. 

None of the places I was referring to have a bar (the Tommy's on campus does but not the one near me). Two don't even allow indoor seating. There are pandemic issues. But in normal circumstances, if I can sit at a bar and have a drink while they're preparing my food, I'm probably going to eat my meal right there at the bar. 

I also don't have a wife and kids so I have that freedom. 

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38 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

None of the places I was referring to have a bar (the Tommy's on campus does but not the one near me). Two don't even allow indoor seating. There are pandemic issues. But in normal circumstances, if I can sit at a bar and have a drink while they're preparing my food, I'm probably going to eat my meal right there at the bar. 

I also don't have a wife and kids so I have that freedom. 

I hear ya.   

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2 hours ago, nnm said:

Hell's aroma is the smell of rancid grease in every Allsups everywhere. It permeates every molecule of clothing, your hair, your skin, like cigarette smoke from bars in the days before smokers were exiled to the street, or the hellish BO from Seinfeld. It hits you in the face when you walk in the door, you feel it under your soles as you slide around the counter, and you taste it on the back of your tongue for days after your unfortunate foray into the crypt.

 

20201028_094248.jpg

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14 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

These newfangled plastic tubes of toothpaste that can't permanently retain the form of the roll-up-from-the-bottom technique like the old ones made out of asbestos, lead, and discarded fetuses could. 

Would toothpaste be better in a hand pump container like hand soap?  Could we profit?

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Not so trivial, really, but John Deere forces users of their greens mowers with hydraulic reels to buy a $250 hyd motor rebuild kit in order to get a replacement seal for the output shaft. The seals are the only part of these motors that we have ever had fail. The parts guy won't even give us a PN for the seal. I just found a replacement from McMaster Carr for $7.50. Fuck JD

Edit to add that our previous greenskeeper bought 10 rebuild kits just to get the seals. There is a reason that he is our previous greenskeeper.

Edited by Shoxthemonkey
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6 hours ago, ztejas said:

 

20201028_094248.jpg

False.

Allsups burritos are not wrapped in foil... but I'm still down with the spirit of the post.

The closest things to Allsups burritos  that city folk might understand is 2 JITB tacos for $.99, and you order 4 of them when the clubs let out.

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5 minutes ago, slorch said:

False.

Allsups burritos are not wrapped in foil... but I'm still down with the spirit of the post.

The closest things to Allsups burritos  that city folk might understand is 2 JITB tacos for $.99, and you order 4 of them when the clubs let out.

They might have been in 1987

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I remember the last time I enjoyed Allsups burritos.  It was October 25, 2017.  I had to run a Gimpel valve out to Big Spring and was making my way back to Houston on I-20.  I know this because I was listening to Game 2 of the World Series.  I pulled into an Allsups outside of Abilene.  I bought 5 burritos.  Two for now and three for the next day.  None of them saw Waco.  Finally got home in the middle of the night and had a wonderful assplosion.  End of story.

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9 minutes ago, Lat22 said:

I remember the last time I enjoyed Allsups burritos.  It was October 25, 2017.  I had to run a Gimpel valve out to Big Spring and was making my way back to Houston on I-20.  I know this because I was listening to Game 2 of the World Series.  I pulled into an Allsups outside of Abilene.  I bought 5 burritos.  Two for now and three for the next day.  None of them saw Waco.  Finally got home in the middle of the night and had a wonderful assplosion.  End of story.

Gimpel valve?

 

57D419FD-7D59-45AF-99C6-70EF0B07EE44.jpeg

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1 hour ago, slorch said:

False.

Allsups burritos are not wrapped in foil... but I'm still down with the spirit of the post.

The closest things to Allsups burritos  that city folk might understand is 2 JITB tacos for $.99, and you order 4 of them when the clubs let out.

Deep fried burritos in the H‚ÄĎE‚ÄĎB hot counter are a decent approximation.¬†

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3 hours ago, Lat22 said:

I remember the last time I enjoyed Allsups burritos.  It was October 25, 2017.  I had to run a Gimpel valve out to Big Spring and was making my way back to Houston on I-20.  I know this because I was listening to Game 2 of the World Series.  I pulled into an Allsups outside of Abilene.  I bought 5 burritos.  Two for now and three for the next day.  None of them saw Waco.  Finally got home in the middle of the night and had a wonderful assplosion.  End of story.

You did 'em a favor. 

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12 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Deep fried burritos in the H‚ÄĎE‚ÄĎB hot counter are a decent approximation.¬†

Nah, at HEB, they use clean grease. No Allsups anywhere has changed the grease since at least the Reagan administration. Gives the burritos and the entire store a particular taste and smell. 

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I'm beginning to hope this election causes massive rioting and results in the end of the election process as we know it.  It will be worth it if the fucking spam texts stop.  I estimate that I have unsubscribed to every fucking candidate on the ballot and they still keep coming.  Fuck them all.  Next one I get I'm responding with a dick pic.

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1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm beginning to hope this election causes massive rioting and results in the end of the election process as we know it.  It will be worth it if the fucking spam texts stop.  I estimate that I have unsubscribed to every fucking candidate on the ballot and they still keep coming.  Fuck them all.  Next one I get I'm responding with a dick pic.

Won't work, I tried that method.

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2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm beginning to hope this election causes massive rioting and results in the end of the election process as we know it.  It will be worth it if the fucking spam texts stop.  I estimate that I have unsubscribed to every fucking candidate on the ballot and they still keep coming.  Fuck them all.  Next one I get I'm responding with a dick pic.

Not to mention the entire forest that has been leveled for the 5-10 flyers I get in the mail every day.

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On 10/28/2020 at 9:41 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

None of the places I was referring to have a bar (the Tommy's on campus does but not the one near me). Two don't even allow indoor seating. There are pandemic issues. But in normal circumstances, if I can sit at a bar and have a drink while they're preparing my food, I'm probably going to eat my meal right there at the bar. 

I also don't have a wife and kids so I have that freedom. 

You, no wife, say it ain’t so......

 

just fucking with you...

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2 hours ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

You, no wife, say it ain’t so......

just fucking with you...

If I was 99% of the poor saps in the stupid wives thread then I'd be divorced already anyway. I'm just living the dream.

I could use someone for sex and light housekeeping. 

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On 10/28/2020 at 8:06 AM, Kyle said:

The middle school pickup / dropoff line ... it is worse than elementary and high school ... for some reason, Little Johnny feels like this is the right place to finish his breakfast and brush his teeth ... and every parent puts Little Jenny's bag in the trunk, so she has to (once done brushing teeth) get out, mom pops the trunk, walk around and dig through the trunk to get her backpack or flute ... and everyone must get out at the absolute closest spot to the door ... not like five kids can get out at once because one poor bastard has to walk and extra 50 feet.

Sheeiit.  My mom used to just stop at the stop sign at the nearest intersection to the school.  I had roughly 3 seconds to GTFO.  I had my bag in hand and seatbelt undone and was out the door and on the sidewalk before it was her turn to go through.  

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On 10/29/2020 at 4:54 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm beginning to hope this election causes massive rioting and results in the end of the election process as we know it.  It will be worth it if the fucking spam texts stop.  I estimate that I have unsubscribed to every fucking candidate on the ballot and they still keep coming.  Fuck them all.  Next one I get I'm responding with a dick pic.

I just reply.....FUCK OFF

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On 10/28/2020 at 7:34 AM, nnm said:

Hell's aroma is the smell of rancid grease in every Allsups everywhere. It permeates every molecule of clothing, your hair, your skin, like cigarette smoke from bars in the days before smokers were exiled to the street, or the hellish BO from Seinfeld. It hits you in the face when you walk in the door, you feel it under your soles as you slide around the counter, and you taste it on the back of your tongue for days after your unfortunate foray into the crypt.

Yes....but their burritos are bad ass

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