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Countryisms


Buzzrock

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I spent my youth on a production farm in the middle of nowhere, and as such worked with some very country folk. They had a lot of interesting sayings. One common one during a thunderstorm was “It’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.” Another more obscure one was “She fucks like a tied fighter” which is apparently some sort of dog reference.

 

Whatcha got?

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He’s about as worthless as tits on a boar hog.

Colder than a witches tit out here.

Shines like a diamond in a goats ass.

Poor girl would make a train take a dirt road.

My wife and I both come from the sticks, and our fathers are full of these sayings. We were just laughing about it last night at dinner.

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3 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

That situation is when the devil’s beating his wife. 

That's got its origins among Germanic people. One of my favorite variations is "The Devil is making pancakes." ???  In some North African cultures, it's "The wolf is getting married."

Long story short, people are weird.

Anyway, the "Aunt Sally" version is probably British, because "Aunt Sally" figures prominently in stories where someone is getting fooled. Aunt Sally doesn't know what's up, and most of the "Aunt Sally" idioms relate to her husband stealing money for booze, or cheating on her, or tossing her cooking to the dogs when she's not looking, because in addition to being gullible, she's also apparently a bad cook.

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One of my favorites that I'll told all my buddies an then used throughout college: "I ain't gettin in no bar fight. He might know dat shit." (Referring to karate or whatever)

Another from the same farmhand:
"You eat pussy?"

"Sure."

"Not me. I ain't eaten nothing that'll make a dick puke."

I spent a summer re-roofing a barn with a true country relic, and he was a world class cusser. Unfortunately that was 35 years ago so I don't remember too much of it, but he had one that he uttered daily and it was very racist.

Very. Racist. Here goes:

"Do you work with vim and vigor lest ye be taken for a n*****."

He would walk past me and my hs best friend who I got a job on the farm with me so we could hang out, and if we weren't giving it our all he'd say "Vim and vigor vim and vigor."

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Kid is so dumb I bought him books for school and a mule to get there and what does he do?  He stands on the books and screws the mule. 

He’d screw anything from a bullet hole to the crack of dawn. 

Happy as a peach orchard boar. 

Tighter than Dick’s hatband. 

Country as a chicken coop. 

 

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Worthless as a rented mule.

Cold enough enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. 

Any horse can fart in morning, but it takes a stout mule to fart at the end of the day.

Worthless bastard could break an anvil in a sand box.

He works as slow as molasses in the winter.

Ran over a snake on the road going uphill. It is going to rain.

 

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Hotter than a toad frog on the fourth of July. (or a firecracker)

Quicker than grain through a goose.

Mean as a junk yard dog. 

Poor as a church mouse. 

Longer than there's been fishes in the ocean.  Higher than any bird ever flew.  Longer than there's been stars up in the heavens-sorry, wrong thread. 

 

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