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Two from my grandmother:

well I’ll swanny (a general purpose exclamation denoting surprise, especially for kids stuff). “Hey grandma, I win the spelling bee!”  Well I’ll swanny!  No idea what that means. 
 

What the Sam Hill is going on here?  No idea the origin of this phrase. 
 

anything that we’re “fixin” to do. 

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14 hours ago, RPM said:

Even a blind sow finds an acorn now and then.

The sun shines on a dog's asshole every now and then. 

Here's a geographic plot of the different regional terms to describe rain when it's sunny out. Lots of other neat stuff in here, too. 

https://www4.uwm.edu/FLL/linguistics/dialect/staticmaps/q_80.html

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I was shaking like a dog shittin peach seeds.

We were so broke we couldn't pay attention.

We didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

He was richer than 3 feet up a bull's ass.

That boy couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

You got zach-lees breath - your breath smell zachlees like your asshole.

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Came to post Devil Beating his Wife but see that's covered. I thought it sounded cool as a kid but now I'm thinking WTF?  Who comes up with something like that.  And what is it supposed to mean, the sunny raindrops are the wife's tears?

My mee maw would always say "You don't mean it!"  in hard Texas drawl whenever I told her some dumb kid story.  It was meant kind of like, "That's fantastic!"   She'd say it over and over and I'd just nod my head and smile.

Grandpa told me I was "grinning like a dog eating shit" when he bought me a Chunky one time.

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I'll put a knot on your head, so big, a calf could suck it.

If I could buy you for what you think you're worth and sell you for what you're really worth, I would be a rich man.

Having you help me, is like losing three good men.

She/he is so ugly they have to drink curdled milk.

It was cut out right, but sewed up wrong. (poor design)

His/her teeth are so crocked, they could eat corn on the cob through a tennis racket.

She should sue the city for building the sidewalk too close to her ass. (short)

The Good Lord split her a long way before he decided to punch a hole. (My granddad used to say this when he saw a long legged woman)

One of my own:

My town was so small, that the city limit signs entering and leaving town were on the same post.

 

CHIEF

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10 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Two from my grandmother:

well I’ll swanny (a general purpose exclamation denoting surprise, especially for kids stuff). “Hey grandma, I win the spelling bee!”  Well I’ll swanny!  No idea what that means. 
 

What the Sam Hill is going on here?  No idea the origin of this phrase. 
 

anything that we’re “fixin” to do. 

Swanny or swan was discussed on a Way With Words on NPR.  It is a contraction of the phrase "I shall warrant," as in I do declare, or I swear.

Strangely enough, to "swear" (as in a solemn oath) was thought, like more conventional cuss or swear words, to be sacrilegious.  So there were a number of ways of saying basically "I swear" that danced around the swearing part.

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On 1/13/2020 at 8:25 AM, CycleTex87 said:

Two from my grandmother:

well I’ll swanny (a general purpose exclamation denoting surprise, especially for kids stuff). “Hey grandma, I win the spelling bee!”  Well I’ll swanny!  No idea what that means. 
 

What the Sam Hill is going on here?  No idea the origin of this phrase. 
 

anything that we’re “fixin” to do. 

I think you grandmother knew my grandmother.

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On 1/12/2020 at 12:22 PM, Dennis Taylor said:

Had a roommate from Gilmer and when hung over it was "I feel like I got ate by a bear and shit off a cliff " 

RIP JLG, and fuck cancer

My grandmother (from Robstown) would say: "I feel like I been shot at and missed and shit at and hit."

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