Jump to content

I'm An Alcoholic


El Diablo

Recommended Posts

Ouch, and good luck.

My stepbrother has a friend who he is trying to point to rehab.

In the last month, he's been banned from the Little League field/organization for being wasted around kids, is about to be thrown off a pretty prestigious charity board for simulating fellatio on another board member, and then did shots at another family event and had a loud discussion about myths, generalizations, and penis-size with the only black guy in attendance.

He's rich and writes big checks but is about to wear out his welcome in polite society.

I chortled. Gave my stepbrother the phone number to La Hacienda and said good luck. He is so obsessed with polite decorum so if anything the aforementioned events were under-embellished.

One of my favorite parts of the big book of AA mentions “let him drink for a day, and he becomes disgustingly, even dangerously anti-social.”

Hey, that was me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I stopped drinking on 6/15/23 after a blackout on a work trip that did not feature any disaster or rock bottom type fuck up, then over the holidays decided to take a break from sobriety from Christmas through the Sugar Bowl. Didn’t go nuts, but had probably 4-6 beers each day and it just didn’t really do much of anything for me. Haven’t had anything since.

One of my goals for 2024 was fewer than 12 days drinking, and I’ve thought about using up a day a couple times, including the Super Bowl, but haven’t pulled the trigger. I don’t know why I set that goal instead of zero. I’ve taken an approach this whole time that I didn’t know how long I would be stopping for, I just knew I wanted to stop for a while. Maybe to lessen the pressure that would make me feel like a failure if I slipped up? Either way, I feel like that approach has been more effective for me than a hard, absolute ultimatum imposed on myself.

I certainly do not feel in any position to recommend that or any other advice to anyone though. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I know there are people who benefit more from a “never again under any circumstances” approach, and I would never want to discourage anyone from doing what works for them.

Only sharing to I guess contribute something to what I’ve found to be a valuable thread, and I don’t know, just reinforce that there are different paths?

I hope that anyone struggling is able to stick with it long enough to determine that you like the way not drinking makes you feel more than you like the way drinking made you feel. Or whatever else gets you to not pick up the bottle.

I’ve been able to focus so much better, and I’ve had a lot of realizations about myself, not all of them positive. I’ve found myself much less irritable, and I think it’s due to the fact that so many of my frustrations and triggers that led me to drink were probably just my stupid body trying to convince me to take the medicine it was trained to want. I also feel much less worried, in general.

I hope we are all able to not drink today and can do it again tomorrow. Maybe the one-day-at-a-time approach is just a different version of what I’ve been doing?

May you all have more good days than bad days ahead of you. Godspeed.

  • Hook 'Em 6
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Ouch, and good luck.

My stepbrother has a friend who he is trying to point to rehab.

In the last month, he's been banned from the Little League field/organization for being wasted around kids, is about to be thrown off a pretty prestigious charity board for simulating fellatio on another board member, and then did shots at another family event and had a loud discussion about myths, generalizations, and penis-size with the only black guy in attendance.

He's rich and writes big checks but is about to wear out his welcome in polite society.

I chortled. Gave my stepbrother the phone number to La Hacienda and said good luck. He is so obsessed with polite decorum so if anything the aforementioned events were under-embellished.

One of my favorite parts of the big book of AA mentions “let him drink for a day, and he becomes disgustingly, even dangerously anti-social.”

Hey, that was me.

“It’s not about how much you drink, it’s about what the drink does to you.”  

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Drifterwood said:

I stopped drinking on 6/15/23 after a blackout on a work trip that did not feature any disaster or rock bottom type fuck up, then over the holidays decided to take a break from sobriety from Christmas through the Sugar Bowl. Didn’t go nuts, but had probably 4-6 beers each day and it just didn’t really do much of anything for me. Haven’t had anything since.

One of my goals for 2024 was fewer than 12 days drinking, and I’ve thought about using up a day a couple times, including the Super Bowl, but haven’t pulled the trigger. I don’t know why I set that goal instead of zero. I’ve taken an approach this whole time that I didn’t know how long I would be stopping for, I just knew I wanted to stop for a while. Maybe to lessen the pressure that would make me feel like a failure if I slipped up? Either way, I feel like that approach has been more effective for me than a hard, absolute ultimatum imposed on myself.

I certainly do not feel in any position to recommend that or any other advice to anyone though. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I know there are people who benefit more from a “never again under any circumstances” approach, and I would never want to discourage anyone from doing what works for them.

Only sharing to I guess contribute something to what I’ve found to be a valuable thread, and I don’t know, just reinforce that there are different paths?

I hope that anyone struggling is able to stick with it long enough to determine that you like the way not drinking makes you feel more than you like the way drinking made you feel. Or whatever else gets you to not pick up the bottle.

I’ve been able to focus so much better, and I’ve had a lot of realizations about myself, not all of them positive. I’ve found myself much less irritable, and I think it’s due to the fact that so many of my frustrations and triggers that led me to drink were probably just my stupid body trying to convince me to take the medicine it was trained to want. I also feel much less worried, in general.

I hope we are all able to not drink today and can do it again tomorrow. Maybe the one-day-at-a-time approach is just a different version of what I’ve been doing?

May you all have more good days than bad days ahead of you. Godspeed.

Well, I think this is a nice example of what happens when a normal person decides to stop drinking.  And resume, temporarily.

Many of us probably could have pulled off the June stoppage, with some difficulty, probably detox.  But Christmas would have been a shit show.

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Went to the 37th annual Lake Murray Men’s Conference last weekend in Oklahoma.

Fantastic speakers, fun fellowship, and great food.

As y'all probably know, conferences and fellowship in AA wherever my travels take me is a big part of my sobriety. Previous Saturday night:

62e35cc7425aec0ce673950ab55a9401.jpg

  • Hook 'Em 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, I've put off posting here just trying to not to air anyone's business... but how the hell do I help a friend that seems incapable of helping himself?

He's in bad. Always had an issue with drinking too much, recent divorce has put him over the edge. On top, he was laid off and had some deaths in the family. He's a wreck emotionally. He's been to the hospital three times in the past few months due to alcohol issues, including recent seizures.

I've begged him to go to meetings just to take some sort of step, and told him I would go with him. He says they are too boring and puts up all sorts of other hurdles. He admits he has a problem, but seems to have some sort of mental block against actually trying to get better. I think he gets overwhelmed trying to take even the smallest step such as finding a counselor and figuring out insurance/payment. 

What can I do?

Edit to add he's been to two detox sessions (~5 days each). First one he was doing well for a few weeks and fell off. Next one seemed like he went right back.

 

Edited by FirstTimeCaller
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Find some good treatment centers, let him know you have them for him and when he's ready to go, you'll take him, be there for him. Then pray. Leave him alone, hope that isolation will convince him he needs to change. 

Don't answer your phone when he calls, especially late at night. You call when you have time and check in on him. Let him know every time that you know a place. 

His sobriety is going to be his decision, not anyone elses. 

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Dewey said:

Find some good treatment centers, let him know you have them for him and when he's ready to go, you'll take him, be there for him. Then pray. Leave him alone, hope that isolation will convince him he needs to change. 

Don't answer your phone when he calls, especially late at night. You call when you have time and check in on him. Let him know every time that you know a place. 

His sobriety is going to be his decision, not anyone elses. 

After a few months of friendly encouragement (he can get REAL defensive if he feels attacked), I finally took off the kid gloves and  lit into him a little bit and let him know he needs to do something -- any step -- or I don't have much to say. Still talk occasionally, but I pick up only when it's convenient for me. I feel bad as I'm fairly sure he's just sitting in the apartment alone. 

Honestly, glad to see this as I've been feeling pretty conflicted about giving him the cold shoulder.

13 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Meetings are WAY more exciting than dying of acute alcoholism, or at least that's my accepted narrative.

Where does he live?

I said the same damn thing. This is Austin.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been to some crappier meetings, no judgement around town.  But I found the 5:30p down by me off South MoPac to be a good entry point.  Happy to send you or him the details.  It was a great way to get started to stop.  I mean it's all the same thing but sometimes when you're in a room of more or less people in the same boat as you (age, gender, situation, etc.), it can be slightly less intimidating.  Once that first hour of people saying the shit out loud that's been rattling around in your head for years, it's beyond helpful.  Again, no judging-but I've been to ones where it's more been about drug abuse and parole officers telling 'em to go and spousal abuse and that kinda stuff.  And those are all well and good.  But to sit in a room of guys about my age and about our station in life who just use booze as a time machine to skip past the uncomfortable parts of life...that's what really helped me get started.  I still have to remind myself to get started almost every day.  I have a running joke with a standup friend of mine who is also in recovery who does a bit about learning to drive/fix cars, "I kept meaning to learn to get sober, but then I forgot."  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/6/2024 at 2:33 PM, YGIFS said:

Wait, the mother fucking Catalina wine mixer is for recovering alcoholic?  Goddamn simulation…

 

On 3/6/2024 at 9:06 PM, BearSchlong said:

Lol on a Saturday night it's a great meeting

80s Billy Joel doo wop sucks!

Edited by Underdog
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, strangulation! said:

can you expound on this a little? I think I know why but I'm curious to your thoughts

I'd rather talk to them when they're not so drunk, they usually feel pretty helpless in the morning and the bug might stick a little tighter (my opinion). A full day of drinking and I'm going to tell you how unfair life is, that my ex is a cheating cunt and my former boss always blames me! 

I'm not involved as much as I used to be, there are far more knowledgeable people here than me, just how I prefer to do things. 

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have no idea what his stance on alcohol is, but last night and this morning was watching clips of Silicon Valley for some reason.  Sundays are still tough for me, just muscle memory from drinking on the weekends.  So we go to church and Im praying on higher power help.  And who is in the pew in front of us?  You guessed it. Mike Judge.  Fucking wild.  

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kiddo is on her way to breaking up with her boyfriend because of his drinking. St. Patrick's Day in Chicago was the last straw.

“When he drinks it's as if he becomes a different person.”

I really feel for the guy. Former B1G starting athlete who had his career ended instantly due to a gruesome injury followed by agonizing surgeries and rehab. Overbearing teetotalling, orthodox parents whose approval was elusive. Then he gripped the lightning rod that is my child and his emotional immaturity became apparent.

Grateful that she realizes the truth about him. A precious sweet man but when he drinks. . .

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This may turn into more of a vent session for me, but how do you guys with kids deal with family logistics and AA  involvement? My kids (13,15,16) have told their mom and step dad that they don't feel like a priority in my life and that they are backburner to AA.  Their step-dad even told me the other night I went form "Raging Alcoholic to obsessed with AA and church". I've tried to have this conversation directly with the kids, but the perception I get from them is they are good with things. I emphasize with them constantly that I am available to hear anything they have to say. Sometimes I think this is probably more their mother and I not seeing eye-to-eye.

I have committed meetings I attend each week (usually when the kids aren't with me) and I don't talk to them about AA unless they ask. There have been a few occasions over the past few years where I have missed a function due to an AA commitment, but they have bene few and far between.

To me they are a priority.....I also know they don't get sober me without AA.

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's a good one to discuss with your sponsor who probably sees it from an objective perspective.

Could easily be the EX just stirring up shit.  Most teens won't even look up from their phones long enough to realize a parent slipped out for an hour and a half to get to a meeting and back.

If you're intentional about the time you do spend with them, I'd venture to make a SWAG that it isn't a real issue.

I'd go sit down with your sponsor and then maybe sit down with the kids individually and talk it out.  Find the truth for each one and adjust if needed from there.

It's always a balancing act that ebbs and flows, but as you said....the reality is that without the program there is no dad in the picture at all.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...