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I'm An Alcoholic


El Diablo

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Sorry you're going through, the ugliness of the disease is maddening. I hope you find some peace within yourself,  knowing you've been a good friend and have and are trying to help. It's all you can do. So please find some calm, some peace within.

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What have the doctors said to him about his drinking? That's probably the closest thing to an intervention that might work if he pulls through.

 

How many days, no bullshit, does he have dry?

 

 

I can only guarantee about 6 when he was in the hospital last. If he went home and didn’t drink (I don’t think that happened) then he’d be at maybe 14 days or so.

 

Hospital staff has been really clear about what and why but the husband is in that special place of “we will stop and it will be ok” that is completely delusional.

 

Edit - word now is dialysis is coming next....

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Good point about medicine being the intervention here.  The classic alcoholic can't stop when the stakes are highest, when his life is literally on the line.

Honestly, when the first attempts to burst through the denial start happening with serious diagnoses, I don't hold out much hope.  It usually takes multiple attempts to get through and "stay through" and I fear your friend doesn't have that luxury.

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My own dads own intervention was done by his cardiologist, Dec 26 1992. He had dad in his office and said "if you keep drinking you're gonna die. There's a room for you at the hospital right now if you want to go detox. In 15 minutes im leaving for the airport to fly to Aspen to go skiing for a week, you've got those 15 minutes to decide if you're gonna live or die. What's it gonna be?"

Dec 30 he had normal BAC so they cut him loose, that's his dry date.

That's also when the AA telephone mafia went to work. . .he went in full speed and stayed.

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Still there. Everyone is now saying 6 months clean and get on a transplant list. I’m thinking the hospital is all over them about this. Honestly I’m not sure he’ll make it 6 weeks though. Rental failure plus acute cirrhosis, plus esophageal bleeding? My girlfriend went to the hospital today to visit and she seems to think they at least understand the gravity of it. We’ll see, I hope so. But if he has a chance to live then without rehab I just don’t see it. Lots of pain going around. I shared a hug with another friend at our fundraiser tonight and he broke down feeling responsible. But he and others tried to say something before only to be yelled at and told to go away.

Thanks guys. I read this thread daily I truly think y’all are some of the best and realest assholes on this site and I’d be much much worse off without your input. I at least don’t feel alone and I don’t feel like I did something wrong. And that seems to be the temptation. To blame yourself for his problem. Insidious.

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That's one of the bad things with cirrhosis. There often aren't symtoms until it's well advanced. There's not much you can do at the decompensated stage except wait and hope for a donor. I don't know if they put you higher on the list if it's going to be fatal before 6 months of sobriety or if that is a steadfast rule set in stone. 

But you're doing all you can with not being in it alone and not feeling like you did something wrong. I'm sure the thoughts have been there. Hang in there, Troph. 

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Troph, I'm praying that the veil will be lifted from your friends eyes and that they are able to take advantage of the opportunity that is in front of them to get sober and remain that way for whatever time they may have left among the living. Alcohol is a cruel mistress and when the bills come due she doesn't hesitate to demand payment for all of the good times. The stark realization of what is and what will never be again can be too much for some and they simply throw in the towel. Perhaps your friend will have a moment of clarity. We have hope.

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Guys this is nuts help me understand. He’s been sober 3 weeks max. He’s in the hospital again and it’s bad, like he is going to die there bad. Family on their way. His husband just texted that assuming his other organs are ok they are going to consider him for a liver transplant now. That seems crazy. As a friend, obviously I will be thrilled.

 

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1 hour ago, troph said:

Guys this is nuts help me understand. He’s been sober 3 weeks max. He’s in the hospital again and it’s bad, like he is going to die there bad. Family on their way. His husband just texted that assuming his other organs are ok they are going to consider him for a liver transplant now. That seems crazy. As a friend, obviously I will be thrilled.

 

There has always been a debate about the fairness of the 6 month sobriety rule. While available livers are a limited resource, many alcoholics will die from liver failure before they can hit the 6 month window. It is viewed in some transplant circles that it is inhumane to deny someone an available organ for an arbitrary period of sobriety. Recent studies also indicate that the relapse rate is the same for liver transplant recipients with or without 6 months of sobriety before a transplant. Thankfully, even though a significant number of the people relapsed after transplant, almost all were sober at the end of the study. Hopefully, your friend gets a new lease on life and can take advantage of it going forward. 

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He’s a go for it but they can’t transfer him to Houston for the surgery because the dialysis machine can’t travel and he won’t survive right now without it. They will see if he’s better tomorrow. It’s anyone’s guess what happens.

I don’t know how I feel about the issue in an academic vacuum but for my friend? I damn sure hope he gets one.

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14 hours ago, troph said:

He’s a go for it but they can’t transfer him to Houston for the surgery because the dialysis machine can’t travel and he won’t survive right now without it. They will see if he’s better tomorrow. It’s anyone’s guess what happens.

I don’t know how I feel about the issue in an academic vacuum but for my friend? I damn sure hope he gets one.

God damn that is a horrible situation.  I'm sorry you all are going through this, I've seen it twice in my life and I hate it for everyone involved.  I want to say thank you for sharing because you're helping more people than you realize at the moment.  You never know what it takes for someone to get sober or stay sober, but if renal and liver failure do to alcohol abuse aren't a shock to everyone reading this, I don't know what is.  Shit is real and happens around us daily.  Much love. 

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On 11/6/2019 at 8:00 AM, Dertyberd said:

God damn that is a horrible situation.  I'm sorry you all are going through this, I've seen it twice in my life and I hate it for everyone involved.  I want to say thank you for sharing because you're helping more people than you realize at the moment.  You never know what it takes for someone to get sober or stay sober, but if renal and liver failure do to alcohol abuse aren't a shock to everyone reading this, I don't know what is.  Shit is real and happens around us daily.  Much love. 

I'm truly sorry, troph. 

Maybe Derty's post here will bring you even the smallest amount of comfort, to think that by talking about this here, it connected with someone and gave them a push they needed. 

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Just saw the update, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Sitting here reflecting on your news I'm just reminded that it's a fatal and progressive disease and that I'm still eligible to die from it if I don't cut the shit and live on a spiritual basis.

There's solace in knowing his suffering is over and that wherever he is he's finally at peace.

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What a beautiful man and words.  I have a picture of it all in my head.  I'm crying at my desk.  Thank you again very much for your willingness to tell the story to our Surly world. Your courage and generosity saves lives, I'm grateful.  Big hug, much love.

Prayers to those still suffering, you are not alone and there is a way out.  

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I cancelled a work dinner last night in a job where I only eat what I kill bc it was with a group of big drinkers. Just had too much to do today and I knew what the outcome would be if I got on the Thursday night train. Cant tell if thats progress or a red flag. Kind of feels like both. 

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5 minutes ago, Caddox said:

I cancelled a work dinner last night in a job where I only eat what I kill bc it was with a group of big drinkers. Just had too much to do today and I knew what the outcome would be if I got on the Thursday night train. Cant tell if thats progress or a red flag. Kind of feels like both. 

Are you moderating or staying stopped?

As I said upthread, in the early going, protective measures are probably warranted.  If you've been sober for a year or more and still aren't "neutral," may need to take a hard look at your program.

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I avoided situations where people were drinking for over a year.  And I went to one or two meetings just about every day during that time.

Several years later, I'm a regular at Saxon Pub, Continental Club, Longhorn games, etc.  I have no inclination to join everyone else who's getting loaded.  But it took a long time for me to trust myself on that.  If there is any doubt, especially in early sobriety, staying home is never the wrong answer.

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1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Are you moderating or staying stopped?

As I said upthread, in the early going, protective measures are probably warranted.  If you've been sober for a year or more and still aren't "neutral," may need to take a hard look at your program.

Moderating. I'm in a bad spot health wise and I can no longer sustain my old drinking habits but its been tough to change. I probably drink half as much as I used to but its still more than I can really handle without getting pretty wrecked by a hangover and doing some regrettable stuff while blacked out. My primary doc said while he doesn't want me to think its normal he says lots of guys my age (34) hit a wall and have to cut back but have trouble. I monitor this thread pretty closely because i try to hold myself accountable and be honest about the things I need to change. I think if I cut back more and make other necessary changes (diet and exercise) I can set things straight but I'm not closed to the idea that if it just isnt happening then I will have to seek outside help. 

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41 minutes ago, Caddox said:

Moderating. its still more than I can really handle without getting pretty wrecked by a hangover and doing some regrettable stuff while blacked out. 

Um. . .hate to point this out but one of these things is not like the others.

Also more regarding consequences and your  decision to not go out the other night - if that was a legitimate opportunity to get customers soused that could lead to $$ that you cancelled because you were worried about your drinking. . .that is a consequence of Opportunity Costs.

A normal, average, temperate drinker would have little difficulty in such a situation.  Again - if it could lead to a lucrative deal.  In fact, if your drinking might be impacting your deals, including prospecting, working, closing, etc. then that is a legitimate consequence of drinking.

Not saying you're alcoholic, just pointing out that alcoholism is defined by consequences.  Your doctor is only useful if you're experiencing health consequences.

I used to be the guy that closed a deal in a semi-blackout, and after we booked it my director always took me into a conference room to get my side of the story about whatever drinking took place.

for at least the 14th time on this and the other site, I'll make the statement that I loved drinking, it still worked for me. Never thought I would stop drinking, never honestly wanted to stop, but those consequences. . .oh boy, once the unmanageability became apparent it was enough to get my attention.

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Yea I mean the health stuff is affecting pretty much every area of my life, including business. I think drinking is one of three major pillars thats causing it. To your point about making deals, I'd almost go as far to say business has equaled drinking for me. Lots of entertainment. Much easier to set a meeting over drinks. Obviously alcohol naturally reduces people's apprehension in the moment. It's just not sustainable for me anymore. I've pretty much concluded that being successful is too hard to be hungover all the time. I'm just trying to make sure I'm making actual progress and not spinning my wheels and going through a loop on the drinking stuff. If I become convinced I am, I'm mentally preparing to make the jump to sobriety and consistent outside help. 

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10 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

Can you explain a little more what you mean by this?

 

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.13

http://aawiki.org/the-big-book-chapter-6-into-action/

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15 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

Can you explain a little more what you mean by this?

From page 85 of the Big Book.

"We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us…"

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