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Airplane Etiquette Thread


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1 hour ago, TornACL said:

This has happened a few times, usually flying in or out of smaller markets.

I get lucky enough to be upgraded, board and find someone in my seat. I do the usual, hey I think you're in my seat. The person either a) claims there aren't assigned seats and "you can just sit anywhere" or b) fumbles for their ticket and does the whole "Oh, is this not 18F?"

Yeah, dumb shit. You just "accidentally" took a seat in first. Because you were confused. Right. Go back to the back, peasant.

Don’t you have a little bit of an advantage here?

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I'm an aisle seat guy, particularly in steerage.  

I do one "nice guy" thing on a regular basis.  I tell my neighbors hey, if y'all need to get up, I don't mind.  I grab the aisle seat because I need to get up and move around a little bit, and I won't be pissed or offended if you need to do the same.  Just give me 30 seconds notice to get my shit together to get out of your way.  

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22 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I'm an aisle seat guy, particularly in steerage.  

I do one "nice guy" thing on a regular basis.  I tell my neighbors hey, if y'all need to get up, I don't mind.  I grab the aisle seat because I need to get up and move around a little bit, and I won't be pissed or offended if you need to do the same.  Just give me 30 seconds notice to get my shit together to get out of your way.  

This is me too.

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On 7/6/2021 at 4:35 PM, BearSchlong said:

Normally I am friendly AF, and love talking to strangers, even on airplanes, and I love dogs.

But one day I was in a monumentally anti-social bad mood. SWA boarding group A1.  Sat down on the first row bulkhead aisle seat, headphones on, eyes closed. At some point someone took the window seat but didn't disturb me.

Then the last guy to board was a overly talkative older guy with a dog that wasn't on a leash or in a carrier.  I shit you not, I had seen him in the terminal and made the mental note to avoid him and doggo. I gave him that look.

He says "you don't mind if i sit here, do you. . .ok, haha haha hahah guess not" and visibly recoiled a little bit, and he and the dog moved on to find another seat.

I almost apologized, but I was awestruck at how a guy gets through security and on a plane with a dog without a leash or carrier.

edit - especially having an unrestrained dog in the bulkhead row, just seems kinda weird, right?

I was on an AA flight a few months ago with some dumb bitch who managed to get a 60 pound lab mix on with her, no leash or crate and it obviously wouldn't fit underneath the seat in front. The dog was terrified of flying and a nervous wreck the entire flight. He launched out of her lap on landing and I had to grab him before he bowled over some kids.

 

dumb bitch.jpg

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5 hours ago, blacklab said:

Hey, do you mind if we raise the arm rest?

Uh, yeah fatty I'm not letting you spill over to my seat. Don't like it? Buy a second ticket.

Arm rest etiquette is simple: middle seat gets both armrests because everything else sucks about being in the middle. 

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44 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I'm an aisle seat guy, particularly in steerage.  

I do one "nice guy" thing on a regular basis.  I tell my neighbors hey, if y'all need to get up, I don't mind. 

Same here. I'm usually on long haul flights, and on those I'll go so far as to tell them to wake me up if I'm asleep and they need to get out. I've been the guy at the window seat who really needed to pee and had 2 sleeping seatmates in the way, and it sucks.

 

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The first time I ever flew was after I was 40.  Opportunity had never came up, never had to fly for a job, or I didn't have the funds, whatnot.  Just was one of those things that I hadn't done in my life up to that point.

First flight was from Dallas to Minneapolis (Southwest). Trying to be a good citizen, I google things for a few days prior (flight etiquette, how the Southwest boarding process went, carry on bag stuff). Traveling solo, I show up to the airport like it's my first day of school.  Get to the terminal, get on the plane....and realize that I might have been the most civilized person on the flight.

My entire concept of commercial flight was whatever I saw on television or in a movie.  Took all of about 3 minutes to realize that most people on a plane are just fucking jackasses, that commercial flying is a step or two above riding a Greyhound, to some deodorant is a suggestion, and eating cold Chinese food you brought onto the plane seemed to be an accepted practice.  

I've flown another 40 times or so since.  It hasn't gotten any better, and I'm fretting my flights in 2 weeks (first flights since January 2020).  I figure there's gonna be some kind of mask incident or whatever that is going to delay takeoff (or one of the other myriad of problems SWA has had for the past 2 weeks).   

 

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6 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Same here. I'm usually on long haul flights, and on those I'll go so far as to tell them to wake me up if I'm asleep and they need to get out. I've been the guy at the window seat who really needed to pee and had 2 sleeping seatmates in the way, and it sucks.

 

Yeah, if you get the choice aisle seat you have to suck it up and let people out. Everyone pisses and shits, and it’s not good for anyone to hold that in too long. 
 

Counterpoint: If you’re in window or aisle on long hauls, try and time your piss and dump trips to things like trash pickup after meal and drink service when people are more likely to be awake. On transatlantic from the U.S. or overnight flights, always acceptable to get up when the cabin lights come on in the “morning” and the plane comes to life.

Not ok: You forgot sudoku or your iPad in the overhead bin. Put that shit in your personal item or get squared away as you sit down. Sucks to be you, enjoy the inflight entertainment or wait till I get up  myself. 

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3 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Yeah, if you get the choice aisle seat you have to suck it up and let people out. Everyone pisses and shits, and it’s not good for anyone to hold that in too long. 
 

Counterpoint: If you’re in window or aisle on long hauls, try and time your piss and dump trips to things like trash pickup after meal and drink service when people are more likely to be awake. On transatlantic from the U.S. or overnight flights, always acceptable to get up when the cabin lights come on in the “morning” and the plane comes to life.

Not ok: You forgot sudoku or your iPad in the overhead bin. Put that shit in your personal item or get squared away as you sit down. Sucks to be you, enjoy the inflight entertainment or wait till I get up  myself. 

Counterpoint: time your shits so you shit somewhere other than on an airplane.  An airport is good.  A hotel or residence is ideal.   

I'm always amazed by people that need to use the lav 5 minutes into a flight.  Motherfucker, there were lots of toilets back at the airport hooked to these things called pipes that are hooked to these things called sewers, and they have things in the ceilings called ventilation fans, but you gotta shit/piss 5 mins into a flight?    

Hey, I'm a long-haul flyer.  I've done LAX-NRT twice, LAX-MXP, LAX to fucking Argentina, etc.  Sure, 3 hours into the flight, if nature calls, you gotta answer.  But motherfucker...not in the first 30 mins of a flight.  There is no excuse for that, at all...at least for any non-toddler. 

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10 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

Counterpoint: time your shits so you shit somewhere other than on an airplane.  An airport is good.  A hotel or residence is ideal.   

I'm always amazed by people that need to use the lav 5 minutes into a flight.  Motherfucker, there were lots of toilets back at the airport hooked to these things called pipes that are hooked to these things called sewers, and they have things in the ceilings called ventilation fans, but you gotta shit/piss 5 mins into a flight?    

Hey, I'm a long-haul flyer.  I've done LAX-NRT twice, LAX-MXP, LAX to fucking Argentina, etc.  Sure, 3 hours into the flight, if nature calls, you gotta answer.  But motherfucker...not in the first 30 mins of a flight.  There is no excuse for that, at all...at least for any non-toddler. 

I prefer moving for someone’s bathroom break early as opposed after I’m settled and engrossed in my movie or snoozing. I don’t know what was going on with them, maybe they ran to catch a connection or had issues getting through security. 

Obviously going before boarding is preferable in every way. 

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14 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

Counterpoint: time your shits so you shit somewhere other than on an airplane.  An airport is good.  A hotel or residence is ideal.   

I'm always amazed by people that need to use the lav 5 minutes into a flight.  Motherfucker, there were lots of toilets back at the airport hooked to these things called pipes that are hooked to these things called sewers, and they have things in the ceilings called ventilation fans, but you gotta shit/piss 5 mins into a flight?    

Hey, I'm a long-haul flyer.  I've done LAX-NRT twice, LAX-MXP, LAX to fucking Argentina, etc.  Sure, 3 hours into the flight, if nature calls, you gotta answer.  But motherfucker...not in the first 30 mins of a flight.  There is no excuse for that, at all...at least for any non-toddler. 

Counterpoint - If your flight is delayed and boozed it up at the lounge AND went before you boarded, yeah, you might need to jump up once you can.  Have had that situtation happen multiple times.  Drinking champagne in the lounge, pee before boarding (or if I am in business/first on an international flight, will actually use the lav while the rest of the plane boards), then flight gets delayed for some reason, or taxiing takes forever.  I might need to pee.  Honestly, it is a crap shoot.

 

 

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1 minute ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

Counterpoint - If your flight is delayed and boozed it up at the lounge AND went before you boarded, yeah, you might need to jump up once you can.  Have had that situtation happen multiple times.  Drinking champagne in the lounge, pee before boarding (or if I am in business/first on an international flight, will actually use the lav while the rest of the plane boards), then flight gets delayed for some reason, or taxiing takes forever.  I might need to pee.  Honestly, it is a crap shoot.

 

 

if it's a crap shoot, it really needs to happen at the airport. 

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58 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

I was on an AA flight a few months ago with some dumb bitch who managed to get a 60 pound lab mix on with her, no leash or crate and it obviously wouldn't fit underneath the seat in front. The dog was terrified of flying and a nervous wreck the entire flight. He launched out of her lap on landing and I had to grab him before he bowled over some kids.

 

dumb bitch.jpg

This is why we can’t have nice things.

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9 minutes ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

I always go before take off.  But some of us were not blessed with large bladders.  It is what it is.

look, if you drink champagne at the lounge to the point that you need to hit the toilet before and after boarding...well, you're my kind of gal, and I'll fly with you anytime. 

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While I usually silently hate passengers, the one time I came close to blows was with a FA.

I was flying VIE-LHR-IAH solo with a three year old and five year old due to a family tragedy (side note— this experience made me forever tolerant of parents trying to fly alone with small kids, they usually are not doing this if they can help it).

I came prepared with snacks, an iPad loaded with Paw Patrol, coloring books, and pink headphones with cat ears. Younger kid is a champion plane sleeper, older kid is slightly on the spectrum. Is used to flying but really does best with her favorite cartoons. I see the business traveler assigned to our middle row fourth seat on the LHR leg give us the serious stink eye. I tell him hello, don’t worry, we know what we are doing here. 

By the end of first meal service the three year old has been snoozing quietly after a couple of coloring books. Business dude has decided that the five year old is just fine and has given her his dessert and dipped into his own stash of Haribo bears. We’re well into a season of Paw Patrol when disaster strikes— the cat headphones conk out and won’t work again. She HATES the earbud style headphones used on that flight (part of the ‘tism). I turn the volume all the way down to where I can barely hear it over the engine noise and ask business dude “is this bothering you.” “Not at all- you can barely hear it and I am gonna watch a movie myself and pass out.”

All around me people are sleeping or plugged into headphones. After a while I fall asleep myself. A couple hours later (at least five Paw Patrol episodes), a hand shakes me awake. A very curt FA informs me “sir, your child may not have the volume on even one low, you must turn that off right now.” I haven’t seen him, he must have just started shift. Everyone around me is asleep, or plugged into their own headphones. I ask if people are complaining, and he says “I’m complaining now TURN IT OFF” as his hand flys to the hip.

That wakes up business guy who says “what is your problem? You’re bothering us far more than that little girl. She’s the best behaved passenger I’ve flown with.”

The other hand goes to the hip and the FA shouts “you can turn it off or I can talk to the captain about both of you, what’s it gonna be.” Of course, I turn it off. Business guy hands over his entire stash of Haribo and makes sympathetic noises. We suffered through the rest of the flight with minimal fits, but damn, I wanted to DDT that little steward. 

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23 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

 

i was on a cross country flight, late and it was about half full. lights all off and im napping in / out. well, i had to fart and let it out, low and behold it was easily the most rotten, vile thing to ever come of my body (completely silent). as it floated forward, people started turning lights, calling the stewardess, and opening up fans. I even heard 'oh my god, what is that smell ??'. i just pretended to be asleep, kept my light off. 

so, nothing to do with flying, but there used to be this popular restaurant in Newport Beach, and their famous starter was deviled eggs.  Dude I had lunch with ordered 2 platters.  Fuckers were good.  I really enjoyed them.   That was about noon.

Now, it's about 6 PM.   The GF at the time decides we need to go to "Triangle Square" in Costa Mesa for dinner.  It's a mall, not too big, in a triangle configuration. 
We end up at "Yard House".   Now, next to yard house is a cinemaplex thing.   And this is opening night for the "Sex in the CIty" movie.  So, the bar at yard house is lined with Newport 20-30 somethings in their best dresses and CFM shoes, and they are all drinking cosmos pregaming for this stupid fucking movie.

Well, we, the GF and I,  are in a booth, and all of a sudden my gut is gurgling.  I excuse myself from the table to head for the can.  Right as I'm walking past the line of dozens of cosmo drinking hotties, I release, in crop-dust fashion, the most vile odor that anybody has ever smelt.  My West-Texas dad would have said "something crawled up your ass and died". 

Anyway, as I make it to the corridor leading to the Men's room, I look over my shoulder, and I see every woman at the bar turn their heads in repulse, in perfect order, one after the other.  Like a synchronized swim team.   

It was possibly the best night of my life. 

 

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i was on a cross country flight, late and it was about half full. lights all off and im napping in / out. well, i had to fart and let it out, low and behold it was easily the most rotten, vile thing to ever come of my body (completely silent). as it floated forward, people started turning lights, calling the stewardess, and opening up fans. I even heard 'oh my god, what is that smell ??'. i just pretended to be asleep, kept my light off. 

so, nothing to do with flying, but there used to be this popular restaurant in Newport Beach, and their famous starter was deviled eggs.  Dude I had lunch with ordered 2 platters.  Fuckers were good.  I really enjoyed them.   That was about noon.
Now, it's about 6 PM.   The GF at the time decides we need to go to "Triangle Square" in Costa Mesa for dinner.  It's a mall, not too big, in a triangle configuration. 
We end up at "Yard House".   Now, next to yard house is a cinemaplex thing.   And this is opening night for the "Sex in the CIty" movie.  So, the bar at yard house is lined with Newport 20-30 somethings in their best dresses and CFM shoes, and they are all drinking cosmos pregaming for this stupid fucking movie.
Well, we, the GF and I,  are in a booth, and all of a sudden my gut is gurgling.  I excuse myself from the table to head for the can.  Right as I'm walking past the line of dozens of cosmo drinking hotties, I release, in crop-dust fashion, the most vile odor that anybody has ever smelt.  My West-Texas dad would have said "something crawled up your ass and died". 
Anyway, as I make it to the corridor leading to the Men's room, I look over my shoulder, and I see every woman at the bar turn their heads in repulse, in perfect order, one after the other.  Like a synchronized swim team.   
It was possibly the best night of my life. 
 

This….gentlemen….THIS is how you Brisketexan.
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3 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Counterpoint: time your shits so you shit somewhere other than on an airplane.  An airport is good.  A hotel or residence is ideal.   

I'm always amazed by people that need to use the lav 5 minutes into a flight.  Motherfucker, there were lots of toilets back at the airport hooked to these things called pipes that are hooked to these things called sewers, and they have things in the ceilings called ventilation fans, but you gotta shit/piss 5 mins into a flight?    

Hey, I'm a long-haul flyer.  I've done LAX-NRT twice, LAX-MXP, LAX to fucking Argentina, etc.  Sure, 3 hours into the flight, if nature calls, you gotta answer.  But motherfucker...not in the first 30 mins of a flight.  There is no excuse for that, at all...at least for any non-toddler. 

There are times I’m dying to piss once at cruise. 
 

By the time I’ve gotten to the gate, waited for the wheelchairs / dumbasses / families to get on, wait for push, taxied a dozen miles, do the elephant walk to the active, and wait for whoever up front to remember they left the seatbelt light on…it could easily be 45 minutes and those four IPAs are calling my name.  
 

I do try to take a leak as close as possible to when I’m stepping on that plane however.  

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7 hours ago, Homercles said:

There are times I’m dying to piss once at cruise. 
 

By the time I’ve gotten to the gate, waited for the wheelchairs / dumbasses / families to get on, wait for push, taxied a dozen miles, do the elephant walk to the active, and wait for whoever up front to remember they left the seatbelt light on…it could easily be 45 minutes and those four IPAs are calling my name.  
 

I do try to take a leak as close as possible to when I’m stepping on that plane however.  

I’m with Penelope and Homercles on this one.  I always try to time my pre-board bathroom visit at the last possible minute. But the pre-flight drinks can fill up the bladder during the 30-45 minutes it takes to board and take off. 

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Same here. I'm usually on long haul flights, and on those I'll go so far as to tell them to wake me up if I'm asleep and they need to get out. I've been the guy at the window seat who really needed to pee and had 2 sleeping seatmates in the way, and it sucks.
 
This is why you fly business.
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Regarding plane shitting…

I’ve probably been to Manila 25 times over the years. I’m usually very careful about what I eat over there and rarely get sick. Well, one time I got to the airport and went to the business lounge. For some reason, my mind clicked to “you are back in civilization and can eat what you want” mode.  I made myself a big glass of some tropical drink. It was fantastic. So I made myself another…

Fast forward 2 hours and I was ready to die. I spent probably 10 hours in the bathroom. Shitting, barfing, dry heaving then back to my seat curled up in fetal position sweating my ass off… then back to the bathroom for more barfing and shitting. I literally wanted to die.

After about 20 hours things were almost back to normal and I even had a couple of gin and tonics for the final leg home from Detroit.

I usually enjoy that flight. Once sat next to the Pussycat Dolls in 1st class. That was interesting. I was the only other non Japanese person up there and the crew though I was with the group so they treated me like a celebrity.

Another time sat next to an old Japanese dude who took off his shoes and socks…. and clipped his toenails at one point.  Uggh.

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I’ll always fly business on a flight to Europe. I take the overnight leg, and I’m a shitty sleeper on airplanes, so the extra comfort is worth the money. I take a daytime flight on the way back so I’m okay with coach.
I used to do this too. Now I fly business both ways. People are generally mich better behaved, though I've seen some real crazy shit too.
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First time I flew to Europe (2007, I think)..we were going with my In-laws.  

We were able to upgrade to 1st Class at check-in for a nominal fee.

Wife and I were in 2 separate seats, so we asked a guy to switch...turns out my original seat was next to Timothy Hutton.

 

Anyway, being a horrible plane sleeper and my 1st first class experience...I thought it was fucking awesome, although by First Class standards, I don't think it was that great.  Just being able to lay down was worth the price of the upgrade.  Being awoken by a FA for breakfast and our descent into Paris was an awesome experience.

 

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On 7/8/2021 at 11:15 PM, mininghorn88 said:

  I also usually stand so that the folks on my row can all exit before I do as well since they are scrambling from a middle or window seat.

I can’t sign off on this move. If you’re standing in the aisle and the aisle is open in front of you, you move forward to exit. It’s not the job of all 50+ aisle passengers to block the aisle so the middle and window people can exit. The exceptions are if your family is with you or if it’s some olds that can’t move well. But even then they should be considerate and let others off first.

I’m 100% on board with deplane etiquette that you allow each row off as it’s their turn. But if someone decides to pause when it’s their turn, I’m not going to wait as they complete their text message.

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2 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I can’t sign off on this move. If you’re standing in the aisle and the aisle is open in front of you, you move forward to exit. It’s not the job of all 50+ aisle passengers to block the aisle so the middle and window people can exit. The exceptions are if your family is with you or if it’s some olds that can’t move well. But even then they should be considerate and let others off first.

I’m 100% on board with deplane etiquette that you allow each row off as it’s their turn. But if someone decides to pause when it’s their turn, I’m not going to wait as they complete their text message.

I'd disagree. Stepping into the aisle, and allowing your fellow seat mates to de plane is a polite, and a nice little move to keep the assholes who are trying to rush past you in their place, behind you till your row has moved forward.

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8 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

I'd disagree. Steeping intonthebaisle and allowing your fellow seat mates to de plane is a polite, and nice little move to keep the assholes who are trying to rush past you in their place, behind you till your row has moved forward.

I guess everything is relative. Blocking an aisle is the asshole move to allow slow window passengers to pull their crap together. I find that is more frequent than people pushing forward when it’s not their turn. 

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5 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I guess everything is relative. Blocking an aisle is the asshole move to allow slow window passengers to pull their crap together. I find that is more frequent than people pushing forward when it’s not their turn. 

Yeah, I agree with that.  I'm not standing there while somebody fumbles with all their stuff, taking their time, and holding others up.  I'm talking about letting my seat mates get out in the aisles if they're moving along at a timely, polite clip as they should be so they're not holding others up.

Otherwise they should sit there, and let everyone else go ahead, and then they can take their time getting off the plane.

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14 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Yeah, I agree with that.  I'm not standing there while somebody fumbles with all their stuff, taking their time, and holding others up.  I'm talking about letting my seat mates get out in the aisles if they're moving along at a timely, polite clip as they should be so they're not holding others up.

Otherwise they should sit there, and let everyone else go ahead, and then they can take their time getting off the plane.

I don’t think you and I are far apart but I don’t just see it as the aisle passengers job to be the asshole police. Sure they might stop the asshole behind them from pushing forward but I don’t think that is the average scenario. And if every 3rd person pauses the line even by 1 person, that slows down the entire process.

when it’s your turn, move. That’s the only rule of deplaning.  If you jump your turn or don’t move, you’re creating problems for others. 

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1 hour ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

I'd disagree. Steeping intonthebaisle and allowing your fellow seat mates to de plane is a polite, and nice little move to keep the assholes who are trying to rush past you in their place, behind you till your row has moved forward.

This is how I do it.  If I see that they are ready and being efficient about moving then I will hold my place, however, if I see that they have not made an attempt to get ready prior to exiting then I move on.  It is a judgment call.  Kind of like the 3 second "in the lane" violation in basketball.

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14 minutes ago, mininghorn88 said:

This is how I do it.  If I see that they are ready and being efficient about moving then I will hold my place, however, if I see that they have not made an attempt to get ready prior to exiting then I move on.  It is a judgment call.  Kind of like the 3 second "in the lane" violation in basketball.

Good analogy.

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I stand up and if the row is my family (who know to have their shit together) I let them out. If there is a chick or chicks on the row who have their shit together I let them out. If it’s random business dudes and or chicks still looking at their phones or whatever I walk on. 

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On 7/9/2021 at 7:46 PM, Gil Bang said:

I'm an aisle seat guy, particularly in steerage.  

 

Where is "steerage" on a plane? On a ship doesn't it mean the lower levels?

Are you meaning "non-1st Class" or seats towards the rear of the plane?  Never have heard it outside of the context of ships.

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17 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

First time I flew to Europe (2007, I think)..we were going with my In-laws.  

We were able to upgrade to 1st Class at check-in for a nominal fee.

Wife and I were in 2 separate seats, so we asked a guy to switch...turns out my original seat was next to Timothy Hutton.

 

Anyway, being a horrible plane sleeper and my 1st first class experience...I thought it was fucking awesome, although by First Class standards, I don't think it was that great.  Just being able to lay down was worth the price of the upgrade.  Being awoken by a FA for breakfast and our descent into Paris was an awesome experience.

 

I've actually flown in first class with Timothy Hutton an isle over, too.  I suppose we're Eskimo brothers, of sorts. 

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