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This Program Is Cursed. It Is Now Time to Embrace It


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My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

  • Colt gets hurt in the championship game
  • 64 losses in 11 years
  • 0 conference championships
  • 0 playoff appearances
  • OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
  • 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
  • OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
  • Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
  • Three head coaches fired
  • Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
  • Steve Patterson
  • Lost to Kansas
  • Lost to Maryland (twice)
  • OSU referee shenanigans
  • "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
  • Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
  • Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

spacer.png

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2 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

  • Colt gets hurt in the championship game
  • 64 losses in 11 years
  • 0 conference championships
  • 0 playoff appearances
  • OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
  • 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
  • OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
  • Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
  • Three head coaches fired
  • Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
  • Steve Patterson
  • Lost to Kansas
  • Lost to Maryland (twice)
  • OSU referee shenanigans
  • "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
  • Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
  • Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

spacer.png

Shut The Fuck Up Veep Season 6 GIF by Veep HBO

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I have some plywood and a jigsaw, if you really think a glowing longhorn logo is the source of our curse, all we need is a source of florescent burnt orange and we can get this thing back on track.

Anyone grab a plug of the old turf and kept it alive in their yard? We could transfer some to a sideline planter..job done.

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Until our athletic department gets off their high horse fake morality trip and begins to pay top recruits, hire the right scumbags, and fuck everything else but winning, we are never going to win a national title or compete for an SEC championship in the future. That's how you win in today's football.  Hiring the feel good story of the previous season every 3-4 years isn't going to cut it.  I've accepted we will never play dirty and hire the right coach. Texas has only got it right twice. DKR would have won at any big time program but thankfully he was with us.  Mack was a God-like recruiter (before '10) and won a lot of games, but still underachieved for most of his time here until he finally let his once in generation talent play to his strengths.  It's time for all Longhorn fans to enjoy the occasional wins over OU (who knows how to run a football program btw) and don't take the years with 4-5 losses a year too hard.  

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I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

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13 minutes ago, utee94 said:

But, if the glowing orange Longhorn was a hallmark of our success, why is it depicted above, showing one of our many, many losses to the Purple Wizard?

 

 

Foreshadowing.

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37 minutes ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

That's like 80 years of relevance you are just writing off like nothing. 

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39 minutes ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Excessive Success is an awesome band name.

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1 minute ago, VirginiaLonghorn said:

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.

Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

image.thumb.jpeg.af95c0e7f49b74ef70800af5e93ac501.jpeg

#BringBackDroopyHornLight

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1 hour ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Respectfully, how old are you?  Seriously.

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1 hour ago, 'stache said:

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

You can’t be serious? People flash horns down where they aren’t even playing Texas. Granted Ou isn’t liked much, but not hated as bad as Texas. I think most OSU fans do, but it’s because they are sick of getting their dicks stomped year after year. 

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Ever since Miami I have seen wearing black as a curse because Texas broke out the special black shoes for that game and got crushed.

1786612.jpeg

 

Route 66 the black makes a special appearance again

9e6bea231e2df3d3fe66bc4bfd75693d.jpg?w=6

 

Special Black UNIs for Duke

a_redick_195.jpg

 

Many _iaz may have not been but always seemed to want to wear black

4_FILE_2012_10_06_Football_vs_WestVirgin

 

Biggest Johnny Cash wanna be

USATSI_10501492.jpg

 

So lets embrace even the personnel perceived curses. I will embrace it by buying an ugly black shirt maybe this one:

16551047-1.jpg?tx=w_700,h_1000

 

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36 minutes ago, VirginiaLonghorn said:

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.

Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

image.thumb.jpeg.af95c0e7f49b74ef70800af5e93ac501.jpeg

Interesting stat....

As of 11/2/2021

Texas           926 - 382

Oklahoma    925 - 329

Notre Dame 924 - 329

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2 hours ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

So, what you're saying, is that Michigan and Nebraska are not Tier 1 programs either. 

Solid argument.

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2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Nov 1?  The offseason usually starts after the scheduled OU loss.  At that point, the season is over. 

Well, the tone around here didn't shift as dramatically after OU or OSU as it has now. To me the season ended after OSU. That's when the chance of so much as qualifying for the CCG became essentially zero. The difference between 6-6 and 8-4 really means very little to me as a fan, it's about all the same at that point. Not very different in terms of recruiting either. Hopefully they can avoid 5-7, that's the only thing left that can move the needle on the impression of this year, and not in a good way.

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11 minutes ago, Make em eat Taco Bell said:

OP with excellent sarcastic write-up which deserves more love.  Overall message is the program has become way over the top horribly commercialized, all about money, everyone is a dollar douche. OP is spot on. 

Not sarcasm. We're cursed. And at this point, I see no way it ends without an offering to the football gods. Grass and droopy longhorn light must come back. 

We're also the worst kind of cursed. It would be one thing if we were 2-10 every year. But we're in purgatory where we have a good win and think we're on an upswing, only to have it all broken again. We have Thompson score on how many straight drives and put up 70 for the first time in years, only to lose three fourth quarter leads. It's backbreaking. 

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4 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Not sarcasm. We're cursed. And at this point, I see no way it ends without an offering to the football gods. Grass and droopy longhorn light must come back. 

We're also the worst kind of cursed. It would be one thing if we were 2-10 every year. But we're in purgatory where we have a good win and think we're on an upswing, only to have it all broken again. We have Thompson score on how many straight drives and put up 70 for the first time in years, only to lose three fourth quarter leads. It's backbreaking. 


I keep telling people we need to start burning some sage and get a Mexican lady to rub an egg over the entire complex.

we might need to get a Haitian too just to be safe. 

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2 hours ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Texas could easily have like 7 national titles. We have been snakebit since DKR left and are doing some extended desert wandering right now. 

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the program isn't cursed, we're just not that good and haven't been that good since, oh, about the time we started desegregating the team. we have one national title and a handful of conference titles in the last half century. outside of the decade of the aughts we've been crap every decade since the 60's. it's not a curse, it's who we are.

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2 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Not even remotely true.

Yes, haven't gotten that impression AT ALL. Seems like all the other teams want to beat Texas but are just fine with losing to OU. 

That team should be the most hated group in this conference and people just seem to say "meh." Like they have no chance of winning so they don't really care. 

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6 minutes ago, Bigjohns97 said:

I agree this monkey-gate thing is the icing on the cake,

Can't wait for the commentators to try to give it gravitas this weekend.

"Texas comes into Iowa State a bit reeling after losing several winnable games."

"That's right, John. Over the last three games there have been three fourth-quarter losses. That's difficult for a team to overcome mentally, especially playing here on the road. And on top of all that, a coach's girlfriends' monkey allegedly bit a kid during Halloween. It likely been the hardest four-week stretch for this Texas program to ever endure."

"You hate to see it, Rob. Let's see if Texas can bounce back against a tough Iowa State program that's had their number in recent years."

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8 minutes ago, Bigjohns97 said:

I agree this monkey-gate thing is the icing on the cake,

Bullshit.  This monkey event is what will galvanize the team.  Make them realize the world is really all against them.  Bring them together to embrace the dark side.  We are ALL Team Monkey now!!!  Let's go fling some monkey poop all over ISU at their place.  

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5 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

  • Colt gets hurt in the championship game
  • 64 losses in 11 years
  • 0 conference championships
  • 0 playoff appearances
  • OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
  • 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
  • OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
  • Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
  • Three head coaches fired
  • Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
  • Steve Patterson
  • Lost to Kansas
  • Lost to Maryland (twice)
  • OSU referee shenanigans
  • "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
  • Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
  • Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

spacer.png

And?

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… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.
Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …
image.thumb.jpeg.af95c0e7f49b74ef70800af5e93ac501.jpeg
At least we're safe from Yale, Harvard and Corn


For now
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