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luke duke

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Well I don't have an outlet near my throne.  Guess I'm sticking the cold refreshing water.    

My next house will include a hot water line and electricity so I can put in one of those completely electric ones

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On 5/11/2018 at 10:51 AM, CHIEF said:

Well you fuckers convinced me, I bought two of the Bio Bidet A3s. I'm not putting one on the guest, party bathroom, some drunk chick would fuck it up, I'm sure. There hasn't been this much excitement in the CHIEF household in weeks.

 

CHIEF

Good God, best $$$$ I've spent in a while. Anything after about two clicks and you would be spitting water, an ascending power wash.

 

CHIEF

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On 5/12/2018 at 2:47 PM, GSU&UT said:

You only poop once...per day.

Say what?  Something wrong with you?  I get a good 2-3 shits daily.  Sometimes 4.  

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7 minutes ago, Ldogg53 said:

Say what?  Something wrong with you?  I get a good 2-3 shits daily.  Sometimes 4.  

Nah man, #YOPO

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Said it before, and I'll say it again, I bought mine a few years ago because of this thread, and will never ever not have one in my house again.  I've shifted my entire shit schedule around to maximize the number of shits I am able to take at home vs. the office

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Installed the Brondell Thinline today. Really pissed at myself for not doing this years ago. Life altering.

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On 5/14/2018 at 10:48 AM, Ldogg53 said:

Say what?  Something wrong with you?  I get a good 2-3 shits daily.  Sometimes 4.  

what are you?  a caulk gun?

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i wonder how many psi this thing can generate. i ordered the hand squeeze kind and threw it away after 1 use because it didn't have enough power.

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On 3/26/2018 at 9:43 AM, Catpfish said:

Import a Japanese toilet. All of those features built in plus there is a basin to wash your hands in the stream of clean water before it enters the tank after flushing. And choice of white noise. 

I was on a bus heading from the Kohler golf course in Wisconsin to ORD. Someone asked the driver to make a pit stop. Exit the highway to a McDonald's. 

Guy gets back on the bus all excited. "Guys! Guys! Guess what kind of toilets they have in there!"

Edited by Stoogey
Forgot about the white noise feature.

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2 hours ago, Stoogey said:

Import a Japanese toilet. All of those features built in plus there is a basin to wash your hands in the stream of clean water before it enters the tank after flushing. And choice of white noise. 

I was on a bus heading from the Kohler golf course in Wisconsin to ORD. Someone asked the driver to make a pit stop. Exit the highway to a McDonald's. 

Guy gets back on the bus all excited. "Guys! Guys! Guess what kind of toilets they have in there!"

Well, don’t leave us hanging. What kind of toilets did they have?

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Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

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4 hours ago, Txslnghrns said:

Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

The guy that designs the bidet nozzle assembly is the same guy that designs the carnival attraction where you shoot the stream of water into the clownhead mouth and it fills up the balloon.

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4 hours ago, Txslnghrns said:

Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

pro tip: If you think you pooped a hard turd that might've torn some bunghole walls...ease up on the pressure because it stings like a mofo.

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On 6/8/2018 at 12:54 AM, LongestHorn said:

$35 birthday gift for my older brother.  He thought it was a gag gift.  It sat for a few weeks until his lovely bride installed it.  His skeptical sweaty Virginia ass approves.

https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_60_bs_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TBZS3KHZSPXM4V3HQ2JZ

 

Installed this one today. Can’t wait to shit so I can try it out. 

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Not bidets, but a related topic...

What is the word on the squatty potty?  Was in Florida for a wedding and the house I was at had one.  While it was a pain to use (had to take a leg out of my pants), i got about 3 gallons of diarrhea out in one push. Felt like I had to clinch to keep my esophagus from falling out my asshole.  Friend told me he could take a 2 foot long, unbroken, shit with that thing.  I'm not sold but I'm not not sold.

Anyone use those?  They are clearly built for speed and I consider myself a speed shitter, but I don't know if I should buy one or not.

Edited by Jhawk

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Not bidets, but a related topic...
What is the word on the squatty potty?  Was in Florida for a wedding and the house I was at had one.  While it was a pain to use (had to take a leg out of my pants), i got about 3 gallons of diarrhea out in one push. Felt like I had to clinch to keep my esophagus from falling out my asshole.  Friend told me he could take a 2 foot long, unbroken, shit with that thing.  I'm not sold but I'm not not sold.
Anyone use those?  They are clearly built for speed and I consider myself a speed shitter, but I don't know if I should buy one or not.



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TP only = GED level pooping

Baby wipes = HS diploma level pooping

Baby wipes + Squatty Potty= BS level pooping

Bidet = MS level pooping

Bidet and Squatty Potty = PhD level pooping

GettyImages-85820774-thumb-700x473-19813

 

Dr. Luke Duke

Edited by luke duke

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According to Luke Dook's scale and my own professional opinion (I've read Infinite Jest solely on the toilet - come at me, bro...) I have achieved a PhD in shittery.  I let my wife take the Squatty Potty for her bathroom and now she's got her PhD too. 

Like most professionals practicing in applied contexts, I find there to be little real-world difference between a Master's and a PhD. I didn't hate the Squatty Potty, but I didn't really think it helped all that much (if at all) , and it certainly isn't the gamechanger that the Joy Bidet is. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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18 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Friend told me he could take a 2 foot long, unbroken, shit with that thing.  I'm not sold but I'm not not sold.

 

god, i envy your friend. that's the double rainbow of shits.

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Finally gave in and decided to give this bidet thing a shot. $22 on Amazon. Low profile so don't need the seat bumpers. Life changing.48155951ed23435d59e5b404575f3c26.jpg

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Just now, Rimbo said:

we have one of the lovely high end Japanese $700 jobs

best $700 ever spent

Username checks out.

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1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

we have one of the lovely high end Japanese $700 jobs

best $700 ever spent

What does it do that is worth $700?  I'd think for that price it comes with a lifelike tongue to clean your rim.  The $25 or so I spent does all I need.

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Plus, the tongue cleaning your rim is blurred out.

Edited by Deej

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3 hours ago, PhillyD said:

What does it do that is worth $700?  I'd think for that price it comes with a lifelike tongue to clean your rim.  The $25 or so I spent does all I need.

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

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11 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

DeepAliveBunny-size_restricted.gif

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Finally gave in and decided to give this bidet thing a shot. $22 on Amazon. Low profile so don't need the seat bumpers. Life changing.48155951ed23435d59e5b404575f3c26.jpg
For this price, I just bought one. Been watching this thread for close to 5 years.

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4 hours ago, markstanco said:
10 hours ago, Deej said:
Finally gave in and decided to give this bidet thing a shot. $22 on Amazon. Low profile so don't need the seat bumpers. Life changing.48155951ed23435d59e5b404575f3c26.jpg

For this price, I just bought one. Been watching this thread for close to 5 years.

Even comes with metal fittings. Great deal.

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15 hours ago, Rimbo said:

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

Oh, I forgot... it also has a blow dryer. No tissue needed.

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Ended up with a BB-2000, spent yesterday running a electric outlet from the breaker box in the attic on one side of the house to the bathroom that is on the other side of the house. Installing the BB today. Hope it is worth it as you all say. 

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