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Shit My Kid Says


ROFL BOX

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On 7/20/2019 at 9:08 AM, BigDHornfan said:

Gave the boy a piece of bacon and a piece of turkey bacon this morning.
He took a bite of the turkey bacon and said,
“What is this? This isn’t bacon!”

There’s hope for the future.

tenor.gif

Edited by davidg
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  • 2 weeks later...
10 hours ago, Pogo said:

Pogo Jr cracked me up this morning before school.  He said something goofy; I looked at him and said, "What the hell is wrong with you?"  He replied, "Dad, what the hell ISN'T wrong with me?"

 

With that much self awareness, you know that he won't be an aggy, so you have that going for you.  Which is nice.

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59 minutes ago, blacklab said:

going to the beach and we stop at a convince store and wife buys a little plastic play set with a shovel, rake and hoe.

She asks the boys which one they want.

9yo - I want the shovel

10yo - I want the hoe because I love hoooooooes!

wife Yells at 10yo

9yo - What's so bad about a hoe?

Ahhh...like father, like son?

But seriously, that's hilarious.  Reminds me of an old family video where my uncles were casting a toy fishing pole down some stairs, and one asks the other what bait he's using to which he replies he "doesn't need any bait because he's a master baiter."  On cue, my little brother announces on camera he's a master baiter too, and the recording cuts off shortly after as my uncle is doing a spit take with his beer.

Edited by ulukinatme
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6 hours ago, blacklab said:

going to the beach and we stop at a convince store and wife buys a little plastic play set with a shovel, rake and hoe.

She asks the boys which one they want.

9yo - I want the shovel

10yo - I want the hoe because I love hoooooooes!

wife Yells at 10yo

9yo - What's so bad about a hoe?

Avatar checks out

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On 8/20/2019 at 7:41 AM, Pig Bellmont said:

My three year old this morning:

”Mommy, can you make Ariel in the sand?”

”Sure!”

“Ok. Make Ariel with red hair and green nipples.”

My 4 year old girl is all about nipples and poop. Probably 65% of our conversations. 

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Original Black Sabbath version of War Pigs comes on the radio, so I crank it for the Doomlet (4 years old). 
Partway through the song, he observes that "This. Song. Is. Dangerous."

Here is one advantage of the current times. War Pigs never came on the radio when I was a kid.
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On 8/26/2019 at 6:00 AM, BigDHornfan said:

Driving to dinner the other night with my wife, MIL, and the 7 yr old boy.
Boy says something I didn’t quite hear so I asked him “What did you say?”
He response:
“Motherfucker, I said...”

I still don’t know what he said.

Awesome!  How many times has he heard you say that?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Doomlet (4,m) has been really getting into Ozzy's Boneyard on Sirius, and has developed obsessions with Ronnie James Dio (in all his various acts) and Motorhead. 

I just got this text from Mrs. Doom:

I'm getting an earful on the virtue of Ronnie James Dio. [Doomlet] concluded his lecture by saying, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really like loud cars and loud music."

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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Def. not a "kid" thing, however...

Dropping off Roxette @ school yesterday (she's now a Freshman in HS & obv. way too cool for anything the rest of us adults could evar understand) & as she's walking along the sidewalk, I'm matching her stride & next to the curb, shouting "I LOVE YOU!  DADDY LOVES HIS GIRL!!!!"

Totally embarrassing except there really wasn't anyone around to hear it other than her.  She was still mortified.  +1 for Dad.

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7 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Def. not a "kid" thing, however...

Dropping off Roxette @ school yesterday (she's now a Freshman in HS & obv. way too cool for anything the rest of us adults could evar understand) & as she's walking along the sidewalk, I'm matching her stride & next to the curb, shouting "I LOVE YOU!  DADDY LOVES HIS GIRL!!!!"

Totally embarrassing except there really wasn't anyone around to hear it other than her.  She was still mortified.  +1 for Dad.

But she loved talking to Santa Claus on the phone?

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goto chick fil a, kid #2 gets a cow in his kid that comes with a crayon that comes in a white cardboard/paper like container.

In his best outside voice boy #1 "Oh my god, the cow is smoking weed. THE COW. IS SMOKING WEED!"

entire restaurant stopped what they were doing and turned to look at us.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My 9 yr old was having a handful of Gummi Bears that I brought home from Germany 3 weeks ago as dessert. She put one on it's back, another standing next to it, and the rest in a semi circle around them.

She then started chanting,  "Om Nom, Shivai! Om Nom, Shivai!"

Oh, God, everything hurts from laughing....

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24 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said:

My 9 yr old was having a handful of Gummi Bears that I brought home from Germany 3 weeks ago as dessert. She put one on it's back, another standing next to it, and the rest in a semi circle around them.

She then started chanting,  "Om Nom, Shivai! Om Nom, Shivai!"

Oh, God, everything hurts from laughing....

A pic I snapped with the phone:

thumbnail-Resized-20191009-203638-1.jpg

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12 year old daughter had some stomach issues a few nights ago. She comes into the living room, holding back tears and urgently tells me, "Dad, I need to talk to you. Alone. In my room. Now." 

I go with her to her room and she shuts the door so we can have some privacy. She completely bursts into tears and starts hysterically crying, "Dad, I Iooked up my symptoms online and I have colon cancer."

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2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

12 year old daughter had some stomach issues a few nights ago. She comes into the living room, holding back tears and urgently tells me, "Dad, I need to talk to you. Alone. In my room. Now." 

I go with her to her room and she shuts the door so we can have some privacy. She completely bursts into tears and starts hysterically crying, "Dad, I Iooked up my symptoms online and I have colon cancer."

She just started?

that’s mom territory.

Edited by Armybrat
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17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

12 year old daughter had some stomach issues a few nights ago. She comes into the living room, holding back tears and urgently tells me, "Dad, I need to talk to you. Alone. In my room. Now." 

I go with her to her room and she shuts the door so we can have some privacy. She completely bursts into tears and starts hysterically crying, "Dad, I Iooked up my symptoms online and I have colon cancer."

My wife is a lot older than 12 years old...stupid shit never changes

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No school today. Wife's at work. Took the kids to lunch. There was a table with some county sheriff's nearby. 5-yr-old son told me he wanted to go say Hi so I told him to go. He walked up to them and said, "Excuse me, but the other day my mom drove thru a yellow light."

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21 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

12 year old daughter had some stomach issues a few nights ago. She comes into the living room, holding back tears and urgently tells me, "Dad, I need to talk to you. Alone. In my room. Now." 

I go with her to her room and she shuts the door so we can have some privacy. She completely bursts into tears and starts hysterically crying, "Dad, I Iooked up my symptoms online and I have colon cancer."

I actually felt bad for her.  

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