Jump to content

Shit you have heard in a bar


Longboard Horn

Recommended Posts

On 3/31/2018 at 11:25 PM, Stunns38 said:

This happened a while back and I could have sworn I saw someone post it on our former site.

Random guy at bar talking to his friend. “When you fuck a girl in the ass, you have the upper hand but when you come in her ass, you own her soul”. He said it loudly and there were some pissed off female bystanders. Lulz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

On 4/2/2018 at 11:45 AM, lateshow said:

The guy makes an excellent point. 

No soul and a tore up hole.......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

58 minutes ago, Archer said:

Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

Have you visited the cloak room?

 

I seen it! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Have you visited the cloak room?

 

I seen it! 

No CR...

 

I just couldn’t believe anyone would believe what we are dealing with now is worse than 620,000 Americans being killed. 

 

I’ll go ahead and let this die so I don’t fuck up a Lulz thread. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 8/25/2018 at 7:47 PM, Archer said:

Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

How the fuck I get fajitas and an ice cream sandwich at a bar. Not the one I’m at now anyhow. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 weeks later...
1 hour ago, DallasHorn26 said:

There's an older guy with a couple of cougar looking women sitting next to me.

Guy to one of the women: you can't leave yet.

Her: I need to get home

Him: you have someone to have sex with at home?

Her: nope, no one.

Him: what about Bob, the battery operated boyfriend.

 

giphy.gif?cid=4bf119fc5be3a46a65324b4563

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
20 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

I was at the bar of a steakhouse last night, tying one on after the loss, and a waiter comes to put in a drink order "lady says she wants a bloody mary hot, but not spicy."

When I bartended in college, nothing pissed me off more than someone ordering a Bloody Mary at night time.   Good Lord people, that’s a before 2 PM beverage 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Out at the VFW playing some pool, watching the games, and inebriated dude begins chatting up my gf. She mentions something about the music playing, he tosses her his phone saying " I've got lots of credits for the juke box. My phone code is 2517."  By the time she was done with his phone he had no credits, but quite possibly getting lucky with several Tinder dates and plenty of random messages sent out to contacts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 weeks later...

While drinking with a female friend last night for New Years we run into one of her friends and her friends’ new bf. They have a few drinks with us and then go to the dance floor. While watching them, my female friend leans over to me and says, “if she fucks the same way she dances I feel sorry for that guy.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

While drinking with a female friend last night for New Years we run into one of her friends and her friends’ new bf. They have a few drinks with us and then go to the dance floor. While watching them, my female friend leans over to me and says, “if she fucks the same way she dances I feel sorry for that guy.”

 

giphy.gif

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/3/2018 at 10:58 AM, LarryTT said:

Out at the VFW playing some pool, watching the games, and inebriated dude begins chatting up my gf. She mentions something about the music playing, he tosses her his phone saying " I've got lots of credits for the juke box. My phone code is 2517."  By the time she was done with his phone he had no credits, but quite possibly getting lucky with several Tinder dates and plenty of random messages sent out to contacts.

I have a hard time believing that there's a VFW hall with a jukebox that can be controlled with a smartphone.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On ‎8‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 10:32 PM, Stunns38 said:

Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

And that was how I met Patriots owner, Robert Kraft.

 

  • Like 5
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Table next to me on the patio yesterday.

"So apparently my daughter is going to be on a fundraising calendar for the Children's Miracle network.  She's such a pretty girl but her eating disorder almost killed her when she was little.  She's still skinny, but not Dachau skinny. The free NFL and NBA tickets are kinda awesome too. "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...