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2018 Shart Thread


Roofle

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Some sort of viral thing going on right now. Feeling better today but still with a little light runs. Sitting at work just now I thought I had a fart but no...oh no.

 

Tokamak reporting for duty. I'm a grown man and I just shit myself at work.

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I've only sharted once.  It was about 15 years ago - I was pounding shots and beers at a buddy's place while playing Halo.  It was late and I realized I needed to take a drunk shit, but we lived in the same complex, so I said good night and walked back across the complex.  I made it halfway and you know the rest.

RIP boxers and Longhorn basketball shorts.  You were too young.

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3 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I've only sharted once.  It was about 15 years ago - I was pounding shots and beers at a buddy's place while playing Halo.  It was late and I realized I needed to take a drunk shit, but we lived in the same complex, so I said good night and walked back across the complex.  I made it halfway and you know the rest.

RIP boxers and Longhorn basketball shorts.  You were too young.

Your time is coming .....

Edited by retread
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Very close call earlier today after lunch.  The spicy sauerkraut was a bold move.  Three shits in the last 24 hours and haven't had a comfortable fart in that whole window of time.  The three of them totaled over three pounds.  That's normal, right?  

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Best guess actually.  Google says you don't really lose that much weight after a big crap, but some sites say you do.  I dunno.  I just literally went down a belt notch in the last 2 days though.  That's gotta mean something, right? 

Plus, I went down from our offices (mostly male lawyers) to the county offices a few stories down because hardly any men work on that floor.  So it's nice and quiet and relatively clean.  Welp, it's what you think of when you think of the toilet in a 1980's county bathroom.  Ugly and old, but quite industrial and none of that low-flow Austin pansy bullshit.  I stopped it up on one try.  Before toilet paper.  On solid human waste alone, I conquered that bitch.  That's gotta be good for a couple of pounds, no?  Or 3.7 Courics.    

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

The My sister, wife, BIL, and daughter were in Cleveland for the US Figure Skating Championships about a decade ago (I had to miss that one, lulz), and they decided to tour the house where The Christmas Story movie was filmed. 

My wife and BIL both had to use the restroom, and my BIL let me wife go first. Big mistake, as she takes forever even to tinkle. He started getting an attack like the reporter in white pants, but as anyone who knew him could predict, there would be nothing dainty about his blowout.

He not only shit his underwear, he leaked copious amounts of diarrhea on the floor. It got worse when the worker came with a wet mop and started smearing it around.

I can’t recall how they improvised to get him to the car without wearing his soiled pants, but I’m sure it was disturbing.

He was a big Democrat and USC fan, fwiw. Just thought I’d throw that in because I know he’d appreciate it. 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor
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