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Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt


Prepuce of Doom

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  • 2 weeks later...

2 already today and it's still early. I'm on antibiotics for a foot infection, and I blame that. For the first one I was pretty sure the fart was treacherous, but let it out full bore anyway. Yup. I was still at home so I just cleaned up, changed underwear, and went on with my day. Embrace the shart!

Second one didn't make it to the underwear because of some excellent situational awareness on my asscheeks' part. I think it still counts.

Probably going to end up with a hat trick for the day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

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On 3/2/2019 at 2:14 PM, Gil Bang said:

So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

Kinky

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Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

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On 3/9/2019 at 5:49 PM, Flg8rfan said:

Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

She is a woman...you know she did.

And she told it so well...

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 3/8/2019 at 12:06 AM, ulukinatme said:

Wife has been fighting the flu.  She went to pick the kids up today.  While waiting in line for my daughter she let out a cough, and then joined the club.  She was not happy by the time she got home.  I laughed.

Gonna need pics of your wife’s asshole to assess the damage. 

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Sneezed while stepping down out of truck yesterday.  Immediately froze.   Wife was with me and asked what was wrong.  Really no way to save face in that situation.         She gave me a handful of napkins out of the console while laughing uncontrollably.   

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A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 

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A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 
You may wanna see a doctor.
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54 minutes ago, Parliament said:

You may wanna see a doctor.

MSG in sufficient quantities, it would seem,  hits me like a high-octane saline laxative that gives a pinch of Copenhagen combined with my morning cup of coffee a serious run for their money. All I have to do is remember it's not a fart, do not fart, do not even think about farting, and waddle to nearest men's room. The results are epic. I swallowed some bubble gum accidentally in 1982 and I'm pretty sure I saw it in the toilet the last time I dined out for Asian. Good times. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Going to put this here. Went out hard last night. Had some fernet. Banged a girl that smelled like patchouli and self described as “bohemian”. Finished the night off with a spicy chicken sandwich from QT. Got up at 530. Left her house because of heartburn. Shit my pants the second I got in the car. Should have just crapped her bed. Would have made her place smell better. Ditched my briefs, shorts, and an Elvis beach towel on the north end of the Tulsa university campus if anyone want some free clothes. 

Edited by Jhawk
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