OK, back and ready to report.
Methodology: divided the world into 7 body types:
1. Dependasaurus: Capable of burning out the motor of a Rascal scooter. Early Cuyler's girlfriend.
2. Big and Fat. Like, really fat, but can walk to the elevator. Usually stand with knees kind of poked in against each other.
3. Kinda Fat. Capable of full range of activities, just obviously kinda fat and that's that. Couldn't chase you very far, but could whoop your ass if you didn't try to get away.
4. "Normal" aka Fat in 1978. People who could be healthy with minor changes like dropping junk food and taking a short walk every day. Or they could start hanging out at the buffet and get kinda fat.
5. Actually Skinny. People who could play a pick-up sports game and enjoy it. Sometimes almost the same weight as "Normal," except they move better because they are used to moving. Could also be some lazy asshole who still has a teenager's metabolism. I didn't interview them, they just looked skinny.
6. Meth Skinny. Self-explanatory.
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Size of sample: 43 people
Activity: Shopping/working
Location: Taco Bell and Hobby Lobby, at "Wildwood" shopping area Homewood Alabama
Unit: individual civilians plus staff of those two stores. About 9/10s of them were female. Mix of Caucasian and African-American, plus one possibly Guatemalan or Honduran or I don't know maybe she grew up here but her daddy was from Oaxaca. I didn't interview her I just saw her walking past.
Time: noonish
Equipment: Blue vests for the Hobby Lobby workers, black clothing for Taco Bell, beach casual for civilians.
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I needed to get my head back to 1978, so I did what I would do then, and stopped in Taco Bell to buy one of the cheapest thing they had, a Bean Burrito. To my shock, none of the three workers seemed to partake of their product; they were fit, happy, and possessed social skills. They were less good at assembling Bean Burritos because the one they gave me exploded in my hand as I ate it in my car, rather like trying to handle a baby's diaper full of diarrhea as I licked that gooey goodness off my hands. Mentally, I felt ready for Hobby Lobby.
I walked into Hobby Lobby listening for the whir of Rascal wheels, but instead saw-- lots of Normal-looking people. I was surprised-- Hobby Lobby is not upscale so you don't expect to see Spa Queens or anybody who Had Work Done, but there we were, people ranging from Kinda Fat down to Actually Skinny, with no real outliers. I made one pass around the store. Whoever cam in after that, I didn't count, but I didn't see anybody very far from the average.
Admittedly, it was in the eye of the beholder, but I've seen church groups from Missouri and there was nobody nearly that big. The Kinda Fats usually weren't all that much bigger than the "Normal"s.
So here are my results:
Dependa: 0
Big & Fat: 0
Kinda Fat: 12
"Normal": 19
Actually Skinny: 12
Meth Skinny: 0
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Conclusion: Hanging out at Hobby Lobby makes people lose weight. I was less than a mile from a Walmart, a Sam's Club, and a Chinese Buffet, so no doubt those are the places to seek out more Houston Astro Game-ish numbers, but hell, I just didn't feel like it.