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Red Five

Certifiably Surly
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    18282
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Everything posted by Red Five

  1. He was extraordinarily drunk. So drunk I asked the manager, "Um, we can't let him drive, can we?". He just shrugged and said go get his keys. Off he went.
  2. But some of the time I’m a drunken slob who will watch 12 hours of college football in one day.
  3. A poorly attended inauguration has to be called the most attended ever. Maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, but I’d like to think that if my boss asked me to go on tv and tell a bunch of obvious lies for no reason at all… I probably would lose all respect for that person and quit. Like if CDC made Sark go on tv and claim that actually we won the last three national championships in football. And if you disagree then you’re an idiot who just hates Texas. But this isn’t something silly like college athletics. It’s the most powerful person in the world.
  4. I was a valet at the Marriott downtown the summer of 1995. Memories include but are not limited to, Nate Newton calling a cab early one morning for a, ahem, professional who had shared a room with him the night before, and an extremely drunk Captain Harris from Police Academy (the dickhead) fetching his car and driving away hammered. It was a great job.
  5. 12k planes and 7k ships involved on D-Day. Probably a tad more complex.
  6. Our Secretary of Defense doesn’t sound any different than Sean Spicer.
  7. Yes and Henry Melton would have scored a TD and put the game away.
  8. “Totally destroyed!! They’ll never ever have nukes now!” Fucking child.
  9. He’s still bragging about having to take a cognitive test. Where he correctly identified animals and shit.
  10. That was a really good throw.
  11. Is it normal to have a staggered ceasefire like that? Where one side stops six hours before the other?
  12. He’s throwing a bitch fit over the difference between destroyed and pretty well destroyed? Also, Allison Cooper. Do you get it? It’s because Anderson Cooper is gay. Funny stuff, from the president also making n-word jokes earlier.
  13. I'm just so glad the children are gone and that the adults are back in charge.
  14. Would there be anything left of Iran if they did that?
  15. I think the edge room seriously consisted of only Jett Bush.
  16. These ads for Fresh Pet, where the worst people on earth rummage through people's fridges, and then react with shock and disgust when they learn that the person whose house they're visiting, as a guest, owns dog food. And, *gasp* keeps it refrigerated!
  17. Whoa whoa now hold on there a second.
  18. I’m confused. How can the same people who support this also support our current president, who seemingly goes out of his way to break as many commandments as possible? If it doesn’t matter, as it seemingly doesn’t, then why have them anywhere at all?
  19. Take your fucking hat off indoors, white trash.
  20. Doing some math.... I don't think Sally wanted Kaydon Finley to exist.
  21. It's so insane that, of all people, Donald Trump has the sole power to decide when we go to war. Like if we were all waiting for Carrot Top or Mr. T to decide if we're gonna bomb someone or not.
  22. Dotard announced it on one of his stupid truths things. Talking about it on the news stations.
  23. Well, we bombed Iran.
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