Thank you to all of you for your advice, and for what I can only assume is sincere concern for the health and safety of my family and friends. I raised the white flag of cowardice early after seeing what I had to work with equipment-wise, coupled with the fact that i wasn't going to be able to stay on-site while the brisket cooked overnight. At my sister in law's suggestion we went to https://cattleackbbq.com/ and got a whole brisket. It came chilled and wrapped in the butcher paper it rested in. Re-heat was just oven at 325, brisket still wrapped in butcher in a roasting pan covered tightly with foil. Probably 35-45 minutes to reheat. It came out close to perfection, and there were raves all round---including from Aunt Barbara who will flat out tell you if she doen't like something. She was inquiring about the availability of leftover brisket the next day. So, I pussed out, but no one died and I live to cook another day.
Listen fellas and fellitas, I know you were hoping to read of glorious success or, even better, my complete humiliation, subsequent divorce and related battle with depression, followed by a sustained period of hard drug use while living in an old aluminum trash can like Oscar the Grouch. All I can say, is thanks again for your support and advice. Sorry to disappoint, and I will make it up to y'all sometime in the near future.
Here's my simple mac and cheese recipe as a consolation:
(serves 25-30 as a side).
Note: when you have multiple dishes requiring oven time. mac and cheese is easy to get ready to go in last by making the pasta and bechamel cheese sauce ahead of time and you can heat it near the end.
This recipe is gluten free, and so long as you don't overcook the pasta, will be as close as possible to the real deal.
Equipment:
Biggest stock pot you have (or in my case I had to use the two largest my SIL had)
Large hotel pan filled with water and ice mostly melted
Large Hotel pan insert for draining
Large ladle-type strainer
Large Whisk
Cheese grater
Largest mixing bowl you have
Aluminum Foil
Ingredients
Salt
1.5 cups Cup 4 Cup GFree flour.
8 oz Kerrygold Unsalted butter
1/2 cup neutral oil (EVOO or Avocado works great)
2 qt. Half and Half
6 packages https://www.amazon.com/RUMMO-SPA-Rigatoni-Italian-Gluten/dp/B09PFBZPGF/ref=asc_df_B09PFBZPGF?mcid=3e2a004c909434619de5c436997234f5&hvocijid=1477355950494962034-B09PFBZPGF-&hvexpln=73&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=721245378154&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1477355950494962034&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027581&hvtargid=pla-2281435177658&th=1
White pepper
6 or 7 eight ounce packages Rumiano Monterrey Jack Cheese unshredded
2 8oz packages of Sharp Cheddar unshredded
Directions:
Pasta
Remove Half and Half from refrigerator
Start your Lg stock pot of water to boil, add small amount of oil and salt generously
Fill your hotel pan to 1/4 full with cold water. Add large scoop of cubed ice and set aside
While waiting for water to boil, grate your jack cheese and cheddar cheese. Keep cheeses separate
When water comes to boil, add pasta. The brand above is brown rice and corn. Brown rice pasta like Jovial Brand or Tinkayada is very forgiving and hard to overcook. Corn pasta goes completely mushy and breaks apart if overcooked. The goal is to get the pasta cooked to just before al dente. The bechamel cheese sauce will be hot when added to the pasta and will cook it the rest of the way.
Put strainer insert in hotel pan when ice has melted sufficiently
Add slightly undercooked pasta to ice bath. Remove hotel pan strainer and let drain over the sink, shaking out excess water,
Rinse and dry out stock pot, removing any stuck pasts bits. Then put pot back on burner at lowest heat
Dry-out hotel pan, the grease the pan
Add blanched pasta to the hotel pan and add olive oil, mixing well to coat the noodles, and set aside.
Bechamel Cheese Sauce:
First. you make a mutha-fuck'n roux- Add the butter to the warmed pan, increasing heat to medium.
Add the Flour, reserving just a little aside
Whisk all of the lumps out and cook until smooth. Gfree flour doesn't flour won't toast like regular flour, cook 3 minutes. If using regular flour, I like medium-lt brown but do you.
Add Half and Half, and whisk together until smooth. Salt and White pepper to taste.
Slowly add monterrey jack cheese in handfuls, incorporating until melted smooth as you go. Season thoughfully: I'm a white pepper guy, but a little cayenne could make sense. Maybe a little tiny bit of nutmeg if you are feeling freaky.
Add hot melted cheese to cooked noodles encorporating gently until uniform. Cover with foil and set aside until ready to finish the dish.
At the finish:
Add shredded cheddar to the top of the noodle cheese pan
Oven at 425, cook uncovered until cheese bubbles on sides and you have the desired amount of brown-ness on top. Cover and hold until serving.
Best,
TS