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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. The only Subway I like is a local one that let me, a non-customer, take a shit in their bathroom one night when I had explosive diarrhea. Bought a cookie on the way out, it was the classy thing to do.
  2. I would eat a whole bucket of that, while wearing a fez and banging on cymbals.
  3. You have the ability to see inside my cousin's wife's brain.
  4. I can't look at a flat head shovel without thinking about the wet concrete floor in a hot dog factory.
  5. I got my jab the day a molester bought the pizza parlor And I walked across the flat earth to the rim But before I could haggle with my Morgan dollars The Deep State swooped in, ate my pie, and disappeared him!
  6. Most British speak gibberish. Indians are old-school. eg My Brahmin friend from Kenya schooling the English in the use of "shan't."
  7. Great idea to have a kill switch in our own equipment. Nobody would ever figure out how to use that against us.
  8. At least 1/3 of my teachers in grades 7-12 disrupted learning. Luckily I was able to tune them out with library books.
  9. It'll either be the right choice, or the wrong one. Me personally I think silver will catch back up some. But I thought that back when gold was 2,000.
  10. I think of shiny metal like a spare tire on a car. It doesn't make the car go faster or farther, but once in a blue moon it's nice to have a spare. Don't weep too much over having silver instead of gold. Who knows what could happen.
  11. I am not a sma-art man.
  12. You could skip too.
  13. Welp fellers, I reckon I had a golden time being off the meds with no visible cancer growth, because today's scan showed the little bastard awake and mischievous. It's mainly one lump, and we're talking measurements in millimeters not grocery produce, but it means before too long I'll be back on the poison. I forget what the name of this one is. I got doctors paid to remember that shit. On the other hand, I am damned good looking with Swiss clockwork innards, low blood pressure, highly oxygenated, at least in my fingertip, they never check anywhere else.
  14. (4/4, in G) Hopped on the plane and I went to France Never any problem with my rubber pants Had a glass of wine and I ate some snails Cobblestones clean, never left a trail Bonjour Madame do you feel the groove My colostomy bag fell off at the Louvre CHORUS My colostomy bag fell off at the Louvre My colostomy bag fell off at the Louvre Venus de Milo had to get up and move My colostomy bag fell off at the Louvre [French nee-naw sirens in background]
  15. Just Goofin Around: Results of Mrs. Canecutter's Chemistry lab where she was teaching the kids about electroplating metals. Her plan was to have the students plate their own pocket change with copper. I said "they're Gen-Z they probably don't have pockets much less pocket change. I doubt they even know what coins are." Apparently I was completely wrong, and the whole class would have drowned trying to escape Tenochtitlán, their pockets full of loot. I was like "You told em to bring that change." She was all "Nunt uh. They just had it." I don't know what to think.
  16. Maybe it's 3,200 pesos. Betcha didn't think of that.
  17. Bet it won't come to that.
  18. I dunno. I don't read Japanese. So prolly.
  19. Was at an art/book/whatever show and one vendor there was reselling Japanese snacks with flavors only found in Japan for a crazy markup, like 20 bucks for a bag of chips. I have no doubt that there is someone who would pay what you ask for a Japanese thingamabob.
  20. Aw come on. As if you could do anything with a British pound. What ya gonna do, put on your Peeky Blinders flat cap, slide in all subtle into The Crown and Anchor, say "Ey oop Govnah" and give em the knowing wink that means you'll have a pint of the old Minkspunk Royal Stout? As if they have time for your play-acting? How do you even think up these bizarre scenarios, you twisted freak?
  21. Your kid does not party.
  22. Family Ties was an underrated show.
  23. Servants of Baal?
  24. Because you puttin out ho vibes.
  25. I learned, while sitting in Dr. Southern's classes at the University of Texas, probably while drinking a big-ass coffee to irrigate the Vietnamese street cart food in my stomach obtained next to the fountain, that "Fuck" is an ancient Indo-European root with the general sense of hit it again. The Germanic F and K sounds shifted from an earlier P and G, retained by most other branches like Latin, see pugnacious, pugilism. So if some politician doesn't like "fuck," that just tells me that they are against a basic Western European concept without which there'd be no Beowulf, no Chaucer, no Shakespeare nor General Hospital, because there wouldn't have been any fucking babies to grow up and read or write plays or poems or TV shows. Talk about your Replacement Theory, might as well sterilize the actors and film crews while we're at it. I get that Dan Patrick has freely chosen the path of eunuchhood, and I applaud his happiness. That doesn't mean he gets to cut the dicks off innocent Texas schoolchildren. That is just wrong.
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