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Everything posted by Bama Llama
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Well, shit. Where were you and those two gorgeous avararettes when I needed you?
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Another thing I miss about unis - both teams wearing solid colors. Bama/Tenn in Legion Field was always colorful - crimson, orange, green turf, green steel girders and trusses, fall colors on Red Mountain in the distance. This game was a pisser, though. We were thoroughly whipped. Our #25, Dennis Homan, was a fine receiver but Tennessee had him covered all day. Their best player was from Montgomery - Richmond Flowers a track star with great hands. He went to Tennessee because his father, Alabama attorney general at the time, took incessant flak and bullshit criticism for taking the controversial position that human beings have civil rights!
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I saw Nebraska play vs Bama in 67. They came out wearing those bizarre cursive uni numbers and I just didn’t get it. Bama and Snake Stabler beat hell out of them that day. Undefeated but uncrowned. That sucked but we have been fortunate. I can’t complain. But those cursive uni numbers were jarring to my 15-year old eyes. I do rather like curves though. Know wha oy mayne?! Nudge nudge wink wink.
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You are right. We called repeatedly but all the tow truck companies’ drivers in town were out towing other assholes’ vehicles. The cops were no help cuz the whole vehicle was all the way onto our private property. They said if he was hanging out into a public street, they would’ve towed it to the impound lot. If only. I like to think being tagless on the byeays of Alabama, on game day no less when the troopers, deputies and local cops are all out and praying for excuses to make traffic stops, brought him and his companions some unforeseen misery.
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Tortilla Tossers Terrify Timid Travelers...(offseason fodder)
Bama Llama replied to a topic in Football
Who the fuck compiled this shitty chart? Based on what criteria? The twitter dude at the foot of the chart? I can guarantee LSU is most hostile year in and year out. Auburnites are superficially friendly to fans of teams not named Georgia or Bama, then they walk like Plains zombies back to their hives/nests. LSU is a fine place to attend a game if you hate the visiting team and enjoy being ripped before kickoff. I saw LSU upset Auburn when Terry Bowden was coach at AU. After the game, an Auburn asshole fan bitching up at LSU fans got beaned with an (empty) whiskey bottle from the 10th row or so. He yelled at a policeman and poonted out the perpetrator, to which ghe impassive cop did the windmill mantra, “Move along, move along.” Geaux Tigahs! -
So excited to go to the SEC with these Tennessee assholes
Bama Llama replied to TexasEd's topic in Football
The mirthless laughter of the damned. Oh, wait. That’s Auburn, where Hugh Freeze told his defense to “Go easy” on Jackson Arnold in summer practice to help him gain confidence for the season ahead. Please tell me Texas gets those fuckers in Austin this season. They cannot suffer enough. -
One of the main problems with the modern comedy
Bama Llama replied to Goo Punch's topic in Movies and TV
John Cleese has a tour gig coming up in September 35 miles from me. I’m 73 and he must be 84. Goddam! I’d better go while I can still see and hear and Cleese can still do the parrot 🦜 sketch and lion tamer bit, but how can he do those without Michael Palin? -
And I was counting on Baylor to embarrass Corch Freeze and the Auburn Plainsmen on Friday night in Game One at Waco. This does not bode well.
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Ditto roly polies Ditto Kelly Bundy
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My mother, a resident of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, departed this life in 1996. Her home, the same one I was raised in, was a ten-minute walk from Bryant Denny stadium. In those days, game day parking was in demand and yahoos from all over the Deep South parked all over the place on my old street. Mrs. Llama. Baby Llama and I lived on the Gulf OF MEXICO end of the state. We would commute on game weekends and stay in the house while estate admin was ongoing. One day Bama had some kind of punk ass early kick game on Jefferson Pilot. I went to run an errand about 9:30 only to find some asshole had parked behind me blocking my vehicle inside the driveway. After considering some of the criminal mischief options above, I settled on removing the asshole’s license plate. We watched the game on TV (no tix), and expected the asshole might be knocking on the door at some point, at which I planned to play dumb other than to ask him to GTFO my driveway or prepare to be towed, which happened frequently on game days. I went out eventually and found the asshole had gone. On Sunday, as we drove back to the coast, I sailed his license plate off a tall bridge into the muddy waters of the Alabama River just South of Jackson, Alabama. I hope the fucker got pulled over, charged wigh DUI, hassled and searched by state troopers every 30 miles wherever he went on his way home. The absolute selfish bullshit! He had no idea who he was blocking in that day or if someone in the house might need to use their fucking driveway. Asshole.
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I saw Georgia beat my Bama guys in Athens in game one of the 1965 season on a bad no-call on a vety ballsy play. We were up 17-10 with about 3 minutes to go in the game. Georgia was in 3rd and long on their own 20. They threw short to a wide receiver on a short buttonhook stop. Easy pass and catch (you know what’s coming), but WHATTHEFUCK the WR pitches the ball back to the fastest guy on the team who takes it to the house. Hook and lateral executed to perfection. No video, no replay, I don’t even think the game was on TV. Game film later showed both knees of the WR clearly on the ground. Oh and they went for two and made it and beat us 18-17. Motherfuckers. SI curse alive and well in Athens. We were on the cover the week before that game. Don’t care. We won out and were #1 for 1965, beating Nebraska in the Orange Bowl. In sandlots all over Tuscaloosa for years thereafter it was never called “hook and lateral,” it was forever called “the Georgia play.” I’ll try to find it on YouTube and put it up.
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I never saw or heard of him before the twit-X flurries last week after the ESPYs. I found his routine a little trite and contrived but his adenoidal memememe Trump impression (you can do it anybody can do it just don’t move anything but your hands and refer to “people say” this and that). He’s kind of like a good order of fries; not that good for you but you eat all of them. He’s no Katt Williams but he’s not bad.
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I hope the result is the same or better. And that goes for their spats-wearing Bugs Bunny cartoon sounding band, too.
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Let’s have the specs you would use for a description to the cops: height, weight, hair color, distinguishing scars, marks or tattoos.
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Dang. If tag and stickers were current, no swerving or crossing center line, no improper turns and no lights out, that’s a really strict speeding stop but legit. When on the road in a “foreign” jurisdiction best to err on the side of caution, right? A former Alabama state trooper client once told me their rule of thumb was a relaxed standard, “zero to nine over limit is fine but ten and up over limit, you’re mine.” Mrs. Llama was once stopped for speeding by a trooper in rural Choctaw County, Alabama. She was observing the “stay with other vehicles” driving technique and was last of about ten in a cluster of traffic on a divided four lane US highway. The lead car in the cluster was a red sports car 🚘, which she figured would be pulled over first . . . Wrong! She saw an oncoming trooper topping a hill with his blue lights already strobing. He passed the whole group, crossed the median and immediately stopped her, driving an inocuous white Tahoe. He ticketed her for speeding. She ended up having to attend “speeding school.” Mrs. L is 72 years old and that is the only traffic ticket she has ever had.
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If you know, was an explanation provided for the traffic stop in the first place? Such as vehicle lights out, improper turn, speeding, driving too slowly, etc.? Sounds like Fburg PD was profiling and looking for drogas.
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According to whom? IMDB sez Se7en, Heat and Braveheart are the 1995 top 3, not exactly chopped liver there, although grim subject matter and a substantial body count. Well made and entertaining for me at the time, a 44-year old ravenous consumer of films and books. Crimson Tide was #16, which was cool to see for a Tuscaloosa native.
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Jesus. JUST STOP: Voting for assholes and morons Encouraging “ “ “ Donating to “ “ “ Supporting “ “ “ Believing nonsense
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King of the Hill returning with all new episodes
Bama Llama replied to atomheartbevo's topic in Movies and TV
I sense greatness I want it to be great I am bumming rides to work this week from my KOTH-adoring daughter, a gifted mimic. We are egging each other into 8/4 wig out night. She breaks me up saying anything in Hank’s “solemn, carefully enunciating each syllable” very softly modulated voice, such as ”Thuh . . , DAH-lass COW-boys,” as in the 23rd Psalm, or Jah-HOE-vuh. Mike Judge is a fuckin genius and a zen philosopher. -
You will not ever want to go to Central America after seeing this well done documentary. Everything there is doing all it can to kill you.
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A waste of electricity, technology and time.
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The original Jaws profoundly affected the vacation culture for decades and I can testify. In or about 1990 Mama Llama, baby girl Llama (then age 6) and I were hosting my wife’s niece, a beanpole skinny, cute, hyperactive, precious but very easily spooked girl of 10 for July 4th weekend. Then as now, we lived about ten minutes from the Gulf of Mexico (!) public beaches. Mama was basking on the beach while I entertained the kids about 75 feet offshore as they floated in a rubber dinghy about four feet long. Surf was smooth to moderate with the occasional big breaker. I was in chest deep water, holding onto the little boat to keep it steady. The game was to make the girls face away from the breakers and have a big OH WOW EEK! adventure when a big breaker would occasionally crash in, nearly swamping the SS Minnow and drenching us all. This went on nicely for 15 or 20 minutes until a disturbing sound registered in my lizard brain. It was Mama calling my name with a certain tone I had come to recognize after 20 years of marriage. I couldn’t hear distinctly because of the surf noise and hundreds of kids and adults clamoring, All that was missing was Chief Brody. I looked at Mama’s spot on the beach only to see her unoccupied towel and our cooler beside it. Then I found her standing all the way down to the edge of the water, staring at me and indicating with gestures “look over to your right.” Without telling the kids, who were faced away fron me as the game required, I scanned the water to my right . . . and saw that which I had been dreading since first seeing Jaws in 1975 - a sleek, gray, BIG triangle, sliding through the water. It sas only about 100 feet away and heading gradually in my general direction. Son of a bitch. I could imagine if not actually feel those sharp white teeth clamping on my right leg and my femoral artery gushing away. Fearing the wrath of Mama more than any creature in the universe, I decided if I was checking out on that day, I would try my best to get my passengers back to shore. I started to walk toward shore and pushing the boat before me, keeping my eyes on the gray triangle of certain death, which was now closer to us than we were to the shore. The girls immediately began to protest, “Awwww! Noooo! We don’t wanna go in yet!” I said something lame about needing to rest a minute. Niece Llama chose that moment to look at my face. She saw where I was looking and with the uncanny radar sense of a preadolescent, looked to our right and saw . . . IT. Quick as a flash, she stood up in the boat, pointed with a long skinny arm and screamed “SHHHAAAAAARRRRRKK!!” and jumped rihht out of the boat into the fucking water! My attention was now divided between protecting my baby, my wife’s favorite niece and somehow moving closer to dry land. I reached out and grabbed my niece, who was wiggling like a sack of squirming eels, told my daughter to look for her mama and paddle but STAY IN THE BOAT. Guys, it was nightmarish. My feet couldn’t find solid purchase, waves were smacking me from behind, salt water was in my eyes, the crazy niece was screaming for her life and a fucking real shark was now 20 feet away, swimming in a slow arc but on a trajectory I didn’t like. At this point other beachgoers, swimmers. kids and adults in and out of the water, were making for land. Finally, FINALLY I made enough headway to get more of my body out of the water than in. Mama rushed out, grabbed the bow of the little boat and pulled our baby to safety as I hauled the shivering shaking niece to the beach. I turned and saw what turned out to be a seven foot sand shark glide through the water where we had just been, the shark calmly zigging and zagging, feeding on bait fish or something until his dorsal fin went under and he was out of my life, thank God! Jaws the movie made me find strength and jacked me full of adrenaline that day, I tell you what. For about three very tense minutes that day, a great white shark terrified this guy in the coastal waters of Alabama but all he ate were a few shad.
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All great but I would add the moment when crowd in Rick’s singing La Marseillaise, lets loose on “Aux armes, Citoyens! Armez vos battaillons!” Gives me chills and wet eyes every time! Fuckin Nazi assholes! Vive la France!
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What did they cost in those days? Fiddy cent? Seventy-five! I know it was not a dollar!
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You older guys remember Street & Smith’s preseason college football mag? It usually hit the stands early and was pretty good, went into more depth on individual players. I remember one issue in the 60s had Oregon’s Bobby Moore on the cover, who I think ended up being Ahmad Rashad and an all-pro RB and receiver for the Vikings.
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