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Tired Horn

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  1. "juggernauted sleeping giant fucklion of a program" That would look awesome on a maroon and white t-shit.
  2. Elko: "Our goal is to build the best program we are capable of being..." That's fine. Standard coaching pablum. "... When we do that, it won't matter who we play or who is in the SEC. No one will be able to stop us." WTF? When you haven't won a national title in 85 fucking years, who talks like that? That's A&M's problem in a nutshell. They just believe they're entitled to be the very best of the very best, absent any evidence that they're even above average. And they call us arrogant? We may have underachieved relative to our potential a fair amount, but at least we have achieved mightily at times in living memory.
  3. Some seasons things just don't work out when it matters. Shit happens. Just have to reload and hope critical depth improves.
  4. Kazakhs are nice people, even with the reticence that lingers in older generations from having lived under Soviet security. My youngest son is Kazakh. He was the only surviving member of his family, and we adopted him.
  5. The odd thing is that, no matter how many different ways they try to justify their imaginary victory over the forces of evil centered in Austin, they never, ever enjoy it. One because, deep down, they know it's BS. And two because they are so warped that they actually enjoy their envy of Texas. It gives their pitiful cult a sense of meaning. They're pure and righteous because they lose. They can't fathom the awful possibility that maybe God just has a sense of humor. That they're alone in the darkness of a dead dog cemetery with only a jizz jar for company.
  6. Maybe they're a symbolic representation of the 12th Loser.
  7. If A&M is on fire, the proper etiquette is to wait until they've collapsed into a smoldering corpse and then piss on them. After all, it will be your last chance.
  8. Yeah, but they've got a dead dog cemetery, dorky milk men, toy soldiers, Soviet-style architecture, and a variety of pitiful sadomasochistic rituals to go with the bestest fans ever. It takes a lot of money to pull 18-year-old kids away from that.
  9. Aggie always wins imaginary games. You can't run out of time in imaginary games.
  10. I'm amazed that they still kvetch about the SEC admission vote. I know it's Aggie, so I shouldn't be amazed at any display of stupidity, but come on. There is simply no way the SEC would have passed on the chance to add Texas and Oklahoma. That's the most valuable brand addition this side of Notre Dame. The SEC was more likely to Kick A&M out for having the creepiest college traditions than it was to decline Texas and Oklahoma.
  11. You forgot one. Coach New Guy always gets A&M.
  12. Which is appropriate, since they're a hypothetical university.
  13. No, and that wouldn't count anyway. They relocated the logs and lost a duel of wits with them. Logs are tricky like that--they're better at physics than your average Aggie.
  14. It means they execute ruthless flanking maneuvers on corn, sorghum and sheep. Occasionally lettuce, too. They're undefeated against produce. Whoop!
  15. They are spiritually an isolated, rural college with no women, and it's still the 1950s, and their Platonic ideal is the Junction Boys. Don't confuse their pathology with their conference affiliation.
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