God what a beating. I’ll bet Scottie was happy to get off the course today. Had a little fun on ChatGPT. Alright, here’s the roast version — why it’s painful to watch Patrick Cantlay play golf: • Watching Cantlay line up a putt is like waiting for paint to dry… if the paint also had to check the wind, re-read the grain, and call a rules official. • He doesn’t “play golf,” he commutes through golf — slow, joyless, and always stuck in traffic. • By the time he pulls the trigger, you’ve had enough time to order food, get it delivered, and watch a Netflix episode. • His pre-shot routine has its own back nine. • Even Jim Nantz has run out of synonyms for “deliberate.” • At the Ryder Cup, European fans started chanting “Hit the ball!” — and half of Team USA joined in. • Cantlay’s highlight reels are longer than the Lord of the Rings extended cuts… and contain about the same amount of action.