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Felix

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Felix

  1. Bank error in your favor. Collect $50
  2. My grandparents lived in Elgin (Texas) and my grandfather had a small place in Type between Elgin and Taylor. It was about 40 acres if I recall with an old two story house on it. The house was a dream for little kids. It was pretty run down but still safe. No running water, outhouse, and a beautiful old in ground cistern that collected rain water. We'd pull buckets of cool water out and keep them in the house for drinking and washing. No body lived on the property but someone was there just about every day so it was maintained. It had 2 stock tanks and a big old barn with a hayloft. He and my uncle had a few head of cattle, some chickens, and there were occasions where there were hogs and goats too. Most of my fondest childhood memories were of riding out there in my grandfather's truck, if the weather was nice in the back, and just fucking around out there. We'd help a little with feeding the live stock or whatever but mostly we just fished the tanks, wandered the property and played. Great dove and rabbit hunting during the seasons. It was surrounded on all sides by fields of maize and we'd sit on those tanks at sunset and wait for the birds to come to water. I think about those times at least once a week. God I miss that old man.
  3. It depends. Is your name Kerpal? And did the dog need an operation?
  4. Felix

    Bidet Meta Threas

    I used to warn visitors about the bidet, but it turns out it's funnier if you just let them come out of the bathroom with a big wet spot on their shirt and a sheepish look on their face.
  5. I'm in actual mourning right now. I should be pretending to work while I really think about watching basketball all day today right now. Then later on I would be pretending to work while I actually watched basketball all day long. It really hit me last night. Stupid virus.
  6. It was one of y'alls chicken. That's why I had to leave and I had both.
  7. Just curious what makes them tactical?
  8. Your chicken was really good. Unfortunately I had to leave before getting any of the brisket. I'm still sad.
  9. Apparently I left too early. Shout out to Secondhand Smokers for getting 6th out of 157 entries in Brisket!
  10. Wrong! Everybody knows one knee equals two feet!
  11. Your beer will go flat from the vibration so that's not as big a selling point. Make sure you can steer with one hand so you can hold your beer.
  12. Dr. Hyde is another good one. She did my scope in 2012 and I've been good since. I'm not spring chicken either. I had a similar issue to you. Turned out to be torn cartilage on the medial side of my knee. She clipped it and I was solid after a month or so of rehab.
  13. I remember watching Baa Baa Black Sheep as a kid. I remember in one episode one of the guys accidentally shot down one of the other guys in the squadron. Later they showed his plane and he had an American flag under the canopy where they put their kills. Still cracks me up to this day.
  14. Excellent! I see why it won the Oscar.
  15. Felix

    Bidet Meta Threas

    Installed my Bio Bidet USPA 6800 Luxury Bidet Seat yesterday. I've had the Lux cheapies for a while and they are fine but this is the shit! On sale this month at Costco for $199 (normally $369) while supplies last. Between the oscillating stream and the dryer, my butt hole is feeling quite pampered. My wife is skeptical but I think the warm water stream will bring her around. She wasn't a fan of the cold water on the cheap ones. I never had a problem with it. I also think the adjustable pressure will be a sell for her, but I really don't give a shit. This is my baby all the way.
  16. Oscar? He's got a lot of wiener.
  17. Are you kidding? He'll always have Planet Wolfmeister!
  18. Dude had three ships sunk out from under him. I'm not sure I'd want to serve on that bad boy.
  19. Felix

    Larry Flynt

    Great read about a great American. Thanks.
  20. Felix

    Countryisms

    Momma's biscuits taste so good if you put one on top of your head your tongue would beat your brains out trying to get to it.
  21. Union rule #1: Never take a shit on your own time.
  22. My folks live on 3 acres and the house is dead center and not visible from the road. Just a mailbox and gravel drive weaving through the woods. It takes a pretty brave soul to walk down there uninvited. On day my Dad hears their red healer Buster going ape shit. He looks out in the driveway and sees 3 Mormons standing back to back while Buster circles them with his hackles up and looking like he'll murder them at any moment. He laughed for a while and then opened the front door and said "When I call him you have 10 seconds to be gone". They were and he's never been visited since. That was about 20 years ago. He thinks he's on a list somewhere.
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