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Superhero

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Superhero

  1. What do personal tax accountants do between April and January?
  2. StassneyHorn likes body hair. Noted. Also, 2, 1
  3. I pretty much told my team the same thing, at least until the end of July. $700M project on the line and we can’t screw this up.
  4. $30K/month is future dollars. Gotta figure taxes and inflation. Target is $10K/month in current dollars without social security, which I’m not counting on. And out of the $10K, also gotta pay for health insurance since Medicare will be done as well.
  5. I’d shoot someone for a few extra inches.
  6. Haven’t had much interactions with Nigerians. But my one data point with Ghanaians is that he is pretty impressive.
  7. Don’t forget that Asian kids have multiple career options to pursue. They can choose between doctor, lawyer and engineer.
  8. How does an ass take that length?
  9. I'll probably work at least until 63 when my boy finishes college. That would put me around 9 given the current savings rate and assuming a 5.5% return. Not quite enough to live off of bonds and dividends. Assuming my parents hand off the money I'm currently managing for them (that's their plan anyway), I should be closer to 12 at retirement. It's all hypothetical anyway. Who knows if I'll still be alive at 63. My dad is 84 and mom is 75. But our families have a history of all kinds of diseases.
  10. Not to brag on my kids any more. But both of them got straight As on their report card. I get weekly update from my daughter's school, so no surprise there. My son OTOH doesn't give as much shit to learning, so it was a nice surprise. The picture below is a joke, but deep down, I do agree with this.
  11. Did you take a picture? We went out to look but it was cloudy. My son was really disappointed that he didn’t get to see it.
  12. Kids catching the waves on their first day out. The last pic was right before my boy crashed into his sister.
  13. Forgot about the $ for these summer camps. My wife and I are able to afford these summer camps, but yeah, $200 for a week of tennis camp for 1/2 day (which is the CHEAPEST of the camps) starts to add up. Do the proletariat just let their kids go feral?
  14. Except if you have working parents, and they don't want you at home on your iPad all day, so they send you to various summer camps... As a parent, summer is a pain in the butt having to drop off / pick up the kids from different locations during the workday. During the school year, my kids walk to and from school by themselves. They disappear at 8 and re-appear at 3.
  15. Home sweet home to a bidet with much stronger water pressure. It actually cleans my butthole instead of just moistening my poop.
  16. Bitched about this before, and I'm sure I'll keep bitching until the day they take my license... When I change lanes, I get a good distance in front of the car on the next lane, turn on my blinkers for at least 5 seconds before I move over. And inevitably there will be someone who left a gap, and then try to accelerate and close the gap, then lay on the horn like I fucked their sister. Usually it's a smaller car and IDGAF because I have a larger SUV. But still really annoying.
  17. Is that video flipped? Or was it shot in England? And yeah, the motorcyclist is either dead, or want to be dead when he gets the bill. I never understood speeders who weaving in and out of traffic. A BMW almost almost hit me over the weekend. He probably got within 3 feet of me going 20+ miles over the speed limit. Idiot was racing an Audi.
  18. Yes she did that night. With the kids in the same room. We play with fire.
  19. Call us disgusting, but we wash ours maybe every 1.5 - 2 weeks. Separate load for all the towels throughout the house. A new towel for every shower just blows my mind. We don't live in a hotel.
  20. When I had a bad fall that knocked me out, ski patrol asked me what day it was, and I gave him a smart ass response: “I’m on vacation, who gives a shit what day it is” Then I was woozy for the next 24 hours. It was not fun and probably why I have seizures now.
  21. Getting back from vacation, I told my kids to hand over their school and personal iPads because they’ve had way too much screen time on the plane ride back. Son: Wait. You can’t take my school iPad yet. I have to check my work emails. Yeah, poor example that mom and dad set even though we were supposed to be on vacation.
  22. https://babylonbee.com/news/judge-determines-trump-will-get-the-nation-on-weekdays-while-musk-gets-every-other-weekend-and-holidays
  23. At the beach yesterday and 3 absolutely drop dead gorgeous blondes show up, perfect tans and wearing butt floss. My wife knew exactly I’d be looking and turned to me making sure I didn’t take pics to share with you pervs.
  24. These girls are perfect. They don’t need cheeseburgers.
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