Holy shit! Hot off the press.
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NCAA Furious as Self, KU Ink Lifetime Deal
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Kansas might have finally gone too far.
That was the scuttlebutt wafting from NCAA corporate offices Wednesday in the wake of Tuesday's news that the Kansas men's basketball team had awarded coach Bill Self with a lifetime contract that also makes him the sport's highest-paid coach.
"I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore," said NCAA President Charlie Baker.
Earlier this year, Self and his Jayhawks narrowly avoided severe punishment for multiple recruiting violations stemming from the 2017-18 season. Despite initially refusing to cooperate with the NCAA's investigation, the Lawrence, Kan.-based university was not required to forfeit any scholarships or face any postseason bans. Instead, KU received what many categorized as a figurative slap on the wrist: vacating 15 wins, its Big 12 regular season and tournament titles, and its Final Four berth for that season.
"To reward Coach Self with a lifetime deal suggests our message isn't getting through," Baker said. "For this reason, we've little choice but to elevate our penalties."
When asked just what those sanctions would be, Baker did not mince words.
"To once and for all teach Kansas a lesson, the NCAA has decided to ban the Oklahoma State Cowboys men's basketball team from postseason participation for the next five seasons."
Though the NCAA did not require Self to miss any games for the 2017-18 violations, KU did "Self impose" a four-game suspension at the start of the 2022-23 season. Self also missed the entire postseason due to health issues.
"My heart will go on," an overjoyed Self said. "This huge pile of cash guarantees that."
When asked what actions it might take should the program once again run afoul of the rules, a spokesman with the KU sports information department said the school would resort to "something drastic, like probably shooting [Oklahoma State men's basketball coach Mike] Boynton in the kneecaps."
"It'd be kind of funny if [Boynton] were as crippled as the program," the spokesman added.