Lot going on here but fundamentally the world changes, women can live on their own and their ability to want more or want different has evolved. Not every rule has changed but some have.
I have a unique perspective, and I am raising 2 boys and have a 3rd out of the house. My 17 year old is a really good looking young man and he’s got adult level game. Doesn’t always translate to the teens but he has it going on.
all this talk about masculinity is toxic is nonsense. Toxic masculinity is a problem. Lazy masculinity is a problem. You want the girl, figure out what she wants and needs and provide it.
what’s his secret? Starts simple - good hygiene, fantastic smile, pays attention to what he wears. He works out, keeps his truck clean, has money and is not concerned about spending it on good times with friends. He saves money too. From there he likes to have a good time, understands the power of telling a good story, making people laugh, and making people feel good about themselves.
he knows how to appreciate, compliment, carry on a conversation and frankly has being a good conversationalist as his his number one trait he is looking for in a girl after physical attraction when looking to date.
he understands his emotions, he can talk about them, he can be vulnerable and he also knows that tending to his emotional wounds and needs is his responsibility first but that being seen is critical to a positive relationship. He is slow to anger, he is a great listener.
in his personal time he’s always learning and wanting to be a better version of himself. He knows how to make things, he knows how to take care of things, he loves the outdoors, camping, and other guy things. But he loves the theatre too. He’s not afraid to follow his interests. He’s NOT a gamer but when friends come over he will whip their ass at Mario kart. He buys video games to entertain his friends when they come over, but rarely plays alone.
when it comes to being a man his ideas are forming but I’m pretty sure if I asked him to articulate it based solely on my observations of what he does and what he says he would say something like this …
Positive masculinity, being a successful man means knowing who you are, managing your life well so that you can include another human in your life and you can be a positive addition to theirs, making others around you feel more confident, secure and positive about themselves. At times helping to carry whatever burden needs to be carried whether it’s hanging art on the wall, fixing a leaky toilet, talking out a work problem or working through our own emotional crosswires. When times are good, making people laugh, making memories, and celebrating life’s small and large accomplishments. Above all else, being kind, having fun, and being a net positive in a relationship is the secret to a happy wife and a happy life.
I’ll sum it up by saying this we went to a theatre production of what the constitution means to me and the premise is that the constitution has not protected women like it was supposed to. He left feeling bad, I asked him, he said, “you know, I’ll be fine, I’m a straight white guy, but many people I love aren’t going to be ok and that upsets me.” <— that right there is positive masculinity.
this young man has dated about 10 girls in 3 years of high school and he’s on his 4th legit girlfriend. Only one girl refused to keep seeing him, he’s been the one to break up with them.
boys and men need to up their game, what women have to tolerate has changed and what they want is more clear and it will require boys and men to up their game.
but its not a criticism of masculinity its a criticism of lazy masculinity.