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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Was watching the Astros game and left for about 15 minutes to walk the dog. When I walk back in she says " Well they're still not hitting good" , and I look at the tv as Pena is rounding the bases and i see the replay of the ball he hit up by the train tracks. I said " that one was pretty good" to which she replied " except for that one"

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18 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife doesn't drink. I do. She now regularly drives after we've been out to dinner or whatever.

But, when we were dating. We went somewhere where I only had two beers. Got in a small argument over me driving. I said "My driving after two beers is still better than completely sober." But I relented and gave her the keys.

 

She promptly drove over the concrete parking block in front of our parking space....

Did you leave a key word out of that?  Like maybe "... is still better than you completely sober"?

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On 5/2/2022 at 11:32 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

My wife just got totally scammed on a piece of art while I am home sick in bed. She went to a dealer; saw a small piece she liked, and was told it cost about 150.00 in local currency.  She said, “I’ll take it.”

Dealer: Where are you from? You have an accent.

W: “The United States.”

Dealer: Oh, you really want to buy? I am just tired of artists coming in here and trying to unload their art to me for commission, so I always lowball. The real price is 600 dollars. 

W: Let me think about it. That’s a lot more than you quoted. 

Dl: I have a certificate that shows the value. And I’ll take 300.00 instead of 600.00

W: Deal

Must be the first person in his life that fell for the “negotiate upward” trick. Gotdammit. 
 
The dealer was Armenian, where we lived. So bonding over their shared love of Armenia played a role in his willingness to let this thing go for only twice his original quote. 

Grrrrr. She could’ve had it for $75.

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On 5/2/2022 at 2:00 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife doesn't drink. I do. She now regularly drives after we've been out to dinner or whatever.

But, when we were dating. We went somewhere where I only had two beers. Got in a small argument over me driving. I said "My driving after two beers is still better than completely sober." But I relented and gave her the keys.

 

She promptly drove over the concrete parking block in front of our parking space....

This is the story of how you avoided getting in trouble for yelling at her to stop just before she hit the block. 

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Son's confirmation is coming up.  Couple months back wife asks if we can join the family of his best buddy (who live in the same city as us) in a celebratory dinner at Benihanas (picked by mother of his best friend) after the event. 

"I guess, whatever."

Generally, the events I've agreed to for the wife don't start become real in my head until the event nears.  Confirmation is this Wednesday, so I ask, "where is there a Benihanas near here anyway". 

"Oh, it's in Irvine"

Thirty fucking miles away.  To go to Benihanas.

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1 hour ago, Wade said:

Son's confirmation is coming up.  Couple months back wife asks if we can join the family of his best buddy (who live in the same city as us) in a celebratory dinner at Benihanas (picked by mother of his best friend) after the event. 

"I guess, whatever."

Generally, the events I've agreed to for the wife don't start become real in my head until the event nears.  Confirmation is this Wednesday, so I ask, "where is there a Benihanas near here anyway". 

"Oh, it's in Irvine"

Thirty fucking miles away.  To go to Benihanas.

So you didn't give a shit where the dinner was then got pissed where the dinner was. Also you think it's called "Benihanas". 

Sounds like a wife move.

I mean you actually wrote "Benihanas" three times unironically. You seem lost.

Edited by ztejas
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1 hour ago, Wade said:

Son's confirmation is coming up.  Couple months back wife asks if we can join the family of his best buddy (who live in the same city as us) in a celebratory dinner at Benihanas (picked by mother of his best friend) after the event. 

"I guess, whatever."

Generally, the events I've agreed to for the wife don't start become real in my head until the event nears.  Confirmation is this Wednesday, so I ask, "where is there a Benihanas near here anyway". 

"Oh, it's in Irvine"

Thirty fucking miles away.  To go to Benihanas.

I’m with you, Wade. I don’t really pay attention to whatever plans my wife makes until they’re upon us. And Benihana is ass, my dude. That you never should have agreed to. 

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3 hours ago, ztejas said:

So you didn't give a shit where the dinner was then got pissed where the dinner was. Also you think it's called "Benihanas". 

Sounds like a wife move.

I mean you actually wrote "Benihanas" three times unironically. You seem lost.

Benihana’s is a chain.  My guess is there are 2 or 3 other Benihana’s closer to them.

Or, there are at least 3-4 similar style restaurants (Japanese table side cooking) much closer.

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4 hours ago, ztejas said:

So you didn't give a shit where the dinner was then got pissed where the dinner was. Also you think it's called "Benihanas". 

Sounds like a wife move.

I mean you actually wrote "Benihanas" three times unironically. You seem lost.

Oh hay it's Mr "fun at parties".

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7 hours ago, Wade said:

Son's confirmation is coming up.  Couple months back wife asks if we can join the family of his best buddy (who live in the same city as us) in a celebratory dinner at Benihanas (picked by mother of his best friend) after the event. 

"I guess, whatever."

Generally, the events I've agreed to for the wife don't start become real in my head until the event nears.  Confirmation is this Wednesday, so I ask, "where is there a Benihanas near here anyway". 

"Oh, it's in Irvine"

Thirty fucking miles away.  To go to Benihanas.

Somebody really loves that onion volcano and flipping shrimp into someone’s mouth

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1 minute ago, Sam Lin said:

Yeah, but how do you feel about Benihanas?

He probably loves all of them.

I’ve never been to one. But I love a good hibachi steakhouse. My favorite is a place called Fujiyama. I haven’t been there since before the quarantine. I’ve been experimenting with trying to imitate it at home.

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On 5/8/2022 at 6:11 AM, Wade said:

Son's confirmation is coming up.  Couple months back wife asks if we can join the family of his best buddy (who live in the same city as us) in a celebratory dinner at Benihanas (picked by mother of his best friend) after the event. 

"I guess, whatever."

Generally, the events I've agreed to for the wife don't start become real in my head until the event nears.  Confirmation is this Wednesday, so I ask, "where is there a Benihanas near here anyway". 

"Oh, it's in Irvine"

Thirty fucking miles away.  To go to Benihanas.

When did they add the "s"?

 

 

On 5/8/2022 at 11:28 AM, Thatguy said:

Oh hay it's Mr "fun at parties".

*hey

 

😛

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On 5/2/2022 at 10:21 AM, Celery Man said:

200.webp

wife loves turning the stove on full blast under a nonstick skillet before she puts anything in there. who the fuck knows why - I think she thinks that there is some benefit to doing that

15 years, we're now at the realization of opening a window, so there's hope

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It's a tale as old as time. 

Wife is backing out of the garage and scrapes the shark fin antenna thing off of her Q5, taking out the bottom garage door panel in the process.

She claims that her phone fell onto the garaged door opener fob in the console, bringing it down unexpectedly.  

I'm skeptical as this is strike two after backing out with the tail gate up.  That caused more damage to the tail gate than the garage door though.  

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59 minutes ago, Elvis said:

It's a tale as old as time. 

Wife is backing out of the garage and scrapes the shark fin antenna thing off of her Q5, taking out the bottom garage door panel in the process.

She claims that her phone fell onto the garaged door opener fob in the console, bringing it down unexpectedly.  

I'm skeptical as this is strike two after backing out with the tail gate up.  That caused more damage to the tail gate than the garage door though.  

I think I would make it a rule that her driving responsibilities begin/end in the driveway.  Garage is off limits unless a male is behind the wheel.

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My wife drove us home from our daughter's recital today.   I feel the need to apologize to everyone who has ever driven near her.   5 times I had to let her know the light was green.   2x I had to tell her to stop to avoid rear-ending the car in front of us.   

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377949713c12c18f3a893d7792060495.jpg

Apparently we use way more forks than knives or spoons. We had 3 Sams sized boxes of asst cutlery in the cabinet and zero forks. While at Sams, wife tried to grab yet another box of assorted. I put it back on the shelf and grabbed the forks only box. It’s the small victories.
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4 hours ago, Nivek said:

My wife drove us home from our daughter's recital today.   I feel the need to apologize to everyone who has ever driven near her.   5 times I had to let her know the light was green.   2x I had to tell her to stop to avoid rear-ending the car in front of us.   

Mine rides in the blind spot, for fucking ever. I tell her go on and pass. She says she’s afraid they’ll change lanes. I say so go on and just ride behind them but get out of the fucking blind spot. Dammit!!

Tone. 

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On 5/16/2022 at 5:43 PM, Beau Vine said:

377949713c12c18f3a893d7792060495.jpg

Mine didn't ziplock them.   Just let them free float in the drawer until I got sick of it.   She has been organizing shit that didn't need to be organized today and ignoring the shit that needs to be organized.   So I found a baseball backpack with all of the gloves tossed out of it on the bedroom floor.   Thanks honey.  It was really causing a problem on my side of the closet.

 

 

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Went on a road trip with the wife for our anniversary this past weekend. She doesn't seem to know left from right, can't look up anything on google maps, can't judge distance. It was all I could do to keep from blowing up at her. I did get laid a couple of times, so I guess it was worth it.

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On 5/23/2022 at 7:20 PM, Sandman said:

Went on a road trip with the wife for our anniversary this past weekend. She doesn't seem to know left from right, can't look up anything on google maps, can't judge distance. It was all I could do to keep from blowing up at her. I did get laid a couple of times, so I guess it was worth it.

Does the wife know?

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We have a dishwasher that works perfectly fine.  Cleans everything the first time.  Nothing wrong with it, wife has never complained.

About once a week, usually right after she gets done cooking or prepping something, she decides rather than to use it, she'll wash the dishes by hand in the sink.  Then she expects me to help dry.  I respond with "why not just use the dishwasher?".  But she wants it done NOW, not in an hour.  So either I dry the dishes that could just be machine washed and dried, or I get to be the asshole.

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We have a dishwasher that works perfectly fine.  Cleans everything the first time.  Nothing wrong with it, wife has never complained.
About once a week, usually right after she gets done cooking or prepping something, she decides rather than to use it, she'll wash the dishes by hand in the sink.  Then she expects me to help dry.  I respond with "why not just use the dishwasher?".  But she wants it done NOW, not in an hour.  So either I dry the dishes that could just be machine washed and dried, or I get to be the asshole.

Is this a humblebrag? Your wife cooks and cleans up afterward and you’re complaining?
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