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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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On 3/21/2023 at 11:46 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

Preface:  My wife is one of these semi-anti-western medicine (aka "science") people.  She doesn't accept the simple, medically sound explanations for shit and tries all kinds of herbal and new agey remedies.

I have a torn labrum in my right shoulder.  It hurts most of the time, but only acutely when I move in certain ways.  I was given the options of surgery with a 6-month recovery time or just living with the pain.  For now, because I can still do everything I want to do, I am living with the pain.  This past Sunday I paddled a canoe 20 miles.  It's the most strenuous exercise I've done that could affect my shoulder since I injured it.  Yesterday and today, my shoulder has been hurting more than it had been.  I told my wife this.  She told me it was because of the way I sleep with my arm under my head; something I have done almost every night of my life, including constantly since I injured my shoulder.  Me:  "Or it could be that I paddled 20 miles yesterday."  Tone.

Postscript:  Underlying this is my wife trying to find a way for this to be my fault.  After nearly 14 years of marriage it has now become reflexive.

why would you tell your wife about shoulder pain that was obviously caused by the prior activity? You invited this nonsense on yourself.

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23 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

Hey, it works. I mean, maybe not on this wife. Or the next wife. But eventually, it will work. 

Just keep trying. 

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3 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

why would you tell your wife about shoulder pain that was obviously caused by the prior activity? You invited this nonsense on yourself.

Because it is something I am monitoring to see if I can continue such activity or if I'm going to have to have surgery, which affects her.

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1 hour ago, Pig Bellmont said:

I sat through that entire story and all I heard was that he went to a titter. She needs to lighten up 

I always know it will be a fun time if someone brings up going to ‘the titter’. That’s veteran language right there. 
No rookie shit involved. 
Damn I need to hit up the rose the next time I’m in Austin. It’s been too long. 
Weird to think that the girls there may not have even been born the first time I stepped foot in that joint.

Christ.

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On 3/22/2023 at 10:41 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

"Say the last part first."  I did that just the other night, the wife seems to at least accept, if not understand, why.

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7 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 


Probably the three most important words to learn in a marriage.

 

Typical way that will go down:

H: You look nice

W: You mean nicer than usual because I don't normally look nice.  You think I'm ugly, don't you?  You think I'm ugly and I'm fat.  Why did you even marry me then?  I know you really wanted to marry Mary Sue.  You always thought she was prettier than me.  Don't expect any sex from me tonight, not that you would want to have sex with someone as ugly as me.

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29 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.

So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

Sounds like an accident should happen that would make it "irrepairable". 

 

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Typical way that will go down:
H: You look nice
W: You mean nicer than usual because I don't normally look nice.  You think I'm ugly, don't you?  You think I'm ugly and I'm fat.  Why did you even marry me then?  I know you really wanted to marry Mary Sue.  You always thought she was prettier than me.  Don't expect any sex from me tonight, not that you would want to have sex with someone as ugly as me.

100%. Still the best strategy to get laid.
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Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF

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5 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF

Say the last part first. 

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Fuck...   Anyway, 

My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.

We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   

Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.

In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.

There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.

But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  

In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

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1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

Fuck...   Anyway, 

My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.

We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   

Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.

In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.

There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.

But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  

In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

I have an 18 month plan. After 6 months I move it to the garage. After 12 more if it hasn’t been missed it ends up by the trash can. 

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Fuck...   Anyway, 
My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.
We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   
Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.
In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.
There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.
But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  
In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

No one does this thread like the OG.
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23 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 

They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.

As have I, before we were married, in Anchorage, and she bought me a table dance.

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2 hours ago, nbmishoid said:

GABC opened during our time there.  Greatness.   This was on 5th or so, near the Sheraton, forgot the name.  

I don't get down to Anchorage very often, but I'm pretty sure that place has closed

 

55 minutes ago, nbmishoid said:

Last time Anc, 4-5 hrs ago, it was no longer there.  I would assume they packed it up and moved to Phx.  Assume you drive by on the way to and from church.

GABC is still up and running in Anchorage

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2 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 
 

CHIEF

We’re assholes, not cocksuckers…..well not most of us. NTTAWWT.

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Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 
They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.
When I was going to Lake Okoboji as a kid and the amusement park at Arnold's Park, I must have missed them having a strip club.
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On 3/23/2023 at 11:20 PM, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF

Chappelles Show GIF

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