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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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We required than 50% of the bill and had to be able to identify the full serial number.  The 7 bills in the photo all would have satisfied that requirement.

They told me I needed X% (don’t remember exact number) and the full face and serial number. Out of 7, they said I had full face on 2. Some they declined were missing tiny points of the face. It was silly.
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2 minutes ago, kmac30 said:


They told me I needed X% (don’t remember exact number) and the full face and serial number. Out of 7, they said I had full face on 2. Some they declined were missing tiny points of the face. It was silly.

That’s dumb.

You can only claim 1 bill to the Fed, so if you cut it exactly in half and got one bank to take one and another bank to take another, the first one to turn it into the fed would get credit for it, the bank that sent it in 2nd were SOL.

The fed registers the serial when they are processing mutilated currency which is why they need that, but you could have half of the serial number from the left side of the bill and half from the right side of the bill and that would be acceptable.

If you cut the bill in thirds and took the face out that should still be enough to claim.  The face thing is just dumb but the banks aren’t required to take mutilated currency, they do it as a courtesy so they can set dumb rules.

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Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

 

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Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

 

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7 hours ago, Elvis said:

Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

Why were you looking for Shit?

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On 3/30/2022 at 8:54 AM, ABSR said:

If she talks to me as she is walking away, in another room, or does something so she or I can't hear each other during a conversation I just stop talking and assume it doesn't matter.

Risky strategy, Sir.

image.jpeg.0b57e9d9c20057ab37f0b82efe8f2146.jpeg

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On 3/23/2022 at 6:36 AM, nnm said:

Smoke detectors are assholes. They never start beeping for more batteries at 10:00 am on a Saturday when you have all day to deal with it.  Nope, it’s always 2:00 am on a Tuesday when you have a huge meeting first thing in the morning. Or when you’re out of town and your wife can’t get to the device. 

Or when you've let the dog in the house because it's going to rain and you get home 4 hours later to a ringing smoke detector and 4-5 destroyed pillows.  

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Not defending at all, but here in Asia, parking ticket/receipt/entry cards are never left in the car. It is a precaution against someone stealing your car. If someone breaks into your car in the parking lot and drives it off, when they try to exit the parking facility with no ticket, the facility generally will at least check ownership of the car or make you demonstrate some form of connection to it. It's one more hurdle to someone stealing your car.

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11 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Not defending at all, but here in Asia, parking ticket/receipt/entry cards are never left in the car. It is a precaution against someone stealing your car. If someone breaks into your car in the parking lot and drives it off, when they try to exit the parking facility with no ticket, the facility generally will at least check ownership of the car or make you demonstrate some form of connection to it. It's one more hurdle to someone stealing your car.

Yeah, you keep it in your wallet. And you always have a pen on hand so you can mark it with where you parked. I thought that was S.O.P.

I’ll add that I still occasionally have dreams where I don’t remember where I parked my car and I can’t figure out if I’m just lost or it’s been stolen. Always glad to wake up from those. 

Edited by WhatTheBuck
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4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yeah, you keep it in your wallet. And you always have a pen on hand so you can mark it with where you parked. I thought that was S.O.P.

I’ll add that I still occasionally have dreams where I don’t remember where I parked my car and I can’t figure out if I’m just lost or it’s been stolen. Always glad to wake up from those. 

Why in the hell do you need a parking receipt? Are you guys not using your private airstrip and private plane? Rookies

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On 4/7/2022 at 2:42 PM, jeevsie said:

Pops always wanted only shirts with a front pocket.  That's where glasses and pen went.

For my Dad, it's his smokes.  Old motherfucker is pushing 90, and he's still burning two packs a day.  Always in the front pocket. 

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Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

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40 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Narrator:  He wasn’t right. Never was, never will be. 

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58 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Wife has been in Italy with my mom and some friends for a couple weeks.  It’s amazing how we are now always 5 minutes early to everywhere.   

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1 hour ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Narrator:  There was a week 2. It was a disaster. And it was his fault.

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On 3/23/2022 at 6:36 AM, nnm said:

Smoke detectors are assholes. They never start beeping for more batteries at 10:00 am on a Saturday when you have all day to deal with it.  Nope, it’s always 2:00 am on a Tuesday when you have a huge meeting first thing in the morning. Or when you’re out of town and your wife can’t get to the device. 

I hit the smoke detector powerball this year.  One started beeping at 5:30 pm on a weekday and another started beeping at 9:00 Saturday morning last week.  Prior to that it was always 3:00 AM.

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3 hours ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

I swear you are me 5 years ago

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Watching baseball tonight...

"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"

"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."

She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"

"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! <loooooooooong pause> but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"

"There's no way you're serious..."

<a couple of silent minutes pass>

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"

I swear this actually happened.

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15 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Watching baseball tonight...

"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"

"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."

She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"

"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! <loooooooooong pause> but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"

"There's no way you're serious..."

<a couple of silent minutes pass>

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"

I swear this actually happened.

You are somehow surprised that a women is confused by the Cardinals wearing blue numbers, not knowing it’s Jackie Robinson Day and not realizing they are all wearing the same number??  What is she supposed to be a huge baseball fan?  I had a girl ask me once how many points they got in baseball when they scored….

Edited by Hook1997
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1 hour ago, harpercollins said:

 


I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

 

I agree with you. One hour before the flight should be plenty unless it’s a busy airport at peak times. 

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Watching baseball tonight...
"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"
"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."
She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"
"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"
"There's no way you're serious..."

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"
I swear this actually happened.

In her defense this was the first year they all wore blue numbers.
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8 hours ago, harpercollins said:

 


I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

 

This reads exactly like when aggy posts on here claiming to not be aggy but you can still tell it's aggy. 

"Given up to keep peace..." yeah nice try....

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9 hours ago, nnm said:

I agree with you. One hour before the flight should be plenty unless it’s a busy airport at peak times. 

What are you going to spend that hour doing that's worth the stress of worrying about getting through security and shit on time? I fucking hate traveling but when we do we are at the airport a minimum of two hours early. And b/c we're often at SeaTac flying east that means 5AM a lot of times. Fuck it, I've got coffee and lots of books I want to read. Totally worth it to be there early and wait.

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7 hours ago, Llogg said:

What are you going to spend that hour doing that's worth the stress of worrying about getting through security and shit on time? I fucking hate traveling but when we do we are at the airport a minimum of two hours early. And b/c we're often at SeaTac flying east that means 5AM a lot of times. Fuck it, I've got coffee and lots of books I want to read. Totally worth it to be there early and wait.

Ditto.  I get it if I was at some regional airport like in Laramie, WY or even in Bismarck, ND but in Houston the protocol is 2 hours.  

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I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

I’m guessing that you wrecked the car on the way to the airport.
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