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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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27 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.

Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.

I'm pretty sure that she started life as a dude

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51 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.

Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.

If you look around the room and can't find the wife, it's probably you.

Sorry you married my ex-wife Rojo.  The accelerating to stoplights just blows my fucking mind....not only do you burn completely unnecessary fuel, you stress the fuck out of the brakes when you have to bury them into the floor to stop a foot behind the car in front of you.  I've had one car in my entire life that I've had to get front brakes fixed on and guess who fucking drove it.

Edited by mulletpelini
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2 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.

Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.

So how big is her penis?

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2 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

If you look around the room and can't find the wife, it's probably you.

Sorry you married my ex-wife Rojo.  The accelerating to stoplights just blows my fucking mind....not only do you burn completely unnecessary fuel, you stress the fuck out of the brakes when you have to bury them into the floor to stop a foot behind the car in front of you.  I've had one car in my entire life that I've had to get front brakes fixed on and guess who fucking drove it.

There's something about wives that simply does not allow them to consider conservation and economy.

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3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My wife doesn't accelerate to stop lights, but she has no concept of just taking her foot off the gas and coasting.

Foot either has to be on the gas or the brake.

Then she's accelerating to stoplights.  That's the logic behind it, either brake or gas, nothing in between, just like the ears.

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My wife doesn't accelerate to stop lights, but she has no concept of just taking her foot off the gas and coasting.
Foot either has to be on the gas or the brake.

I never let my wife drive (unless I drink). She has a habit of 1 or 0 on the gas, plus near sightedness that makes this left the right motion on the wheel when goin gown the road.

Kind of like square dancing, forward, right, back and left. Rinse repeat....
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7 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.

Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.

100 bucks shes a whale

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I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.
Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.



How’s her ironing?

4380f64911fd5dd0bd86c8d300f41703.jpg
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My wife is OCD about the dog getting out of the yard. She's particularly worried that the aggie kid next door is going to come into our backyard to retrieve his football or baseball and will leave the gate open. She comes home yesterday to find the gate not properly secured so she goes to Home Depot to buy a lock. I'm not paying too much attention to any of this until she tells me that she put the lock on but it's stuck and she can't get it off the latch. I'm thinking, "What the fuck could she possibly be talking about?" So I go outside and find out that she positioned the lock where it butts up against a stone wall and there isn't enough space between the lock and the wall to get a key in there.Itz20c4.jpg

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2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife is OCD about the dog getting out of the yard. She's particularly worried that the aggie kid next door is going to come into our backyard to retrieve his football or baseball and will leave the gate open. She comes home yesterday to find the gate not properly secured so she goes to Home Depot to buy a lock. I'm not paying too much attention to any of this until she tells me that she put the lock on but it's stuck and she can't get it off the latch. I'm thinking, "What the fuck could she possibly be talking about?" So I go outside and find out that she positioned the lock where it butts up against a stone wall and there isn't enough space between the lock and the wall to get a key in there.Itz20c4.jpg

We have a lock in a similar position at our house and I'm always worried my wife will do like your wife did.  So I made sure there is only one key she knows exists (extra is hidden) and it stays on my key chain.  

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16 minutes ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Why the fuck cant I see these pictures??? What do I need to do? Help me!!  I need to see this stupid shit.

I can't see them on my browser but since it was Mitch and he always bring the wood, I logged in on Tapa.  As promised, his wife did something stupid.

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1 hour ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Why the fuck cant I see these pictures??? What do I need to do? Help me!!  I need to see this stupid shit.

It's a big pain in the ass.  Imgur pictures posted by Tapa users can't be seen by desktop users.  I hope they figure this out.

To view these pics, right click on the image file name in the post and select view image.  That will take you to a page that says the image cannot be viewed, but just go up to the url and remove the s out of the https, press enter and the picture appears.  Like I said, a big pain in the ass.

Here's Mitch's picture, btw:

Itz20c4.jpg

Edited by GhostRider
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5 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife is OCD about the dog getting out of the yard. She's particularly worried that the aggie kid next door is going to come into our backyard to retrieve his football or baseball and will leave the gate open. She comes home yesterday to find the gate not properly secured so she goes to Home Depot to buy a lock. I'm not paying too much attention to any of this until she tells me that she put the lock on but it's stuck and she can't get it off the latch. I'm thinking, "What the fuck could she possibly be talking about?" So I go outside and find out that she positioned the lock where it butts up against a stone wall and there isn't enough space between the lock and the wall to get a key in there.Itz20c4.jpg

holy shit, wow, poor Mitch now needs to get a bolt cutter to have access to that gate.

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I never have to worry about my wife's driving.  She was a Smith Driving Instructor? for her last job.  She's probably the safest person I know with regards to driving and knowing her way around.  I have to ask her for directions most of the time because I go to the same place every day (work) and she's out and about with the kid.
Like I've said over on the shag, I feel bad for a lot of you guys.  My wife is intelligent, plays video games with me, drinks (not in excess), is a great mom, still has sex with me, is a good driver, takes care of her vehicle (has the oil changed or changes it herself someones), doesn't really bitch or nag at me.  I feel like I hit the jackpot.
New site, still don't believe you
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holy shit, wow, poor Mitch now needs to get a bolt cutter to have access to that gate.

Or.... you go to the other side of the gate and take the nuts off the mounting bolts and then just pull the entire latch assembly off of the gate with the lock attached, unlock and remove the lock, then remount the latch assembly and put the lock on properly.

 

If the bolts can't be removed that way and it just has screws, remove the one and see if it well rotate enough on the other to get the key in.

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On 4/5/2018 at 2:21 PM, mulletpelini said:

I've had one car in my entire life that I've had to get front brakes fixed on and guess who fucking drove it.

I cannot tell if this is humblebrag, exact wording (he did the brakes himself), or he rides a bike?

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Mine has this fascinating habit of almost getting things where they need to be. For example, there’ll be a pile of clothes next to a half empty hamper. The recycling/garbage bag will make it to the garage and next to the bins/cans, used diapers end up on the table next to the diaper pail. 

I cant decide if she’s being lazy, losing her mind with two toddlers or f’ing with me. 

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Dragging this over from the old board.

 

My mancave gets warmer than any other room in the house. Likely because I have two computers going. I also have a couple of tube guitar amplifiers that stay on if I'm noodling around on guitar. The window also faces south, so the sun is on it for a large part of the day.  I have a small fan in there circulating air, and where I sit it's comfortable.

The room is also right next to the HVAC closet, so I usually keep the vent barely open because whether the heater or AC is on, the room gets blasted.

On the rare occasions when the hag walks into the room, she'll always comment on how warm it is. This conversation is especially popular during that time of year when we're not running the heater or AC.

HAG- Godammit it's hot in this room.

ME- Eh, it feels okay at my desk. I have this fan blowing, and.......

HAG- You should open that vent.

ME- It is open a little. Is the AC running?

HAG- No.

ME- Well, then how is opening the vent more going to help?

HAG- Tone.

 

I bet we've had this exact same conversation 20 times over the past few years.

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Kids have T-ball game at 9AM.

8:15 AM -Wife decides to take a shower at 8:15, and then is annoyed I told her to hurry up.

8:35 AM - Wife begins the 20 minute process of getting our daughter's hair brushed out

8:36 AM - I grab the girl, give her a pony tail and take the two kids to the game.  

9:15 AM - Wife arrives to the game.

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2 hours ago, Nivek said:

Kids have T-ball game at 9AM.

8:15 AM -Wife decides to take a shower at 8:15, and then is annoyed I told her to hurry up.

8:35 AM - Wife begins the 20 minute process of getting our daughter's hair brushed out

8:36 AM - I grab the girl, give her a pony tail and take the two kids to the game.  

9:15 AM - Wife arrives to the game.

do you hold classes on how to give girls pony tails?

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We have a double sink in the kitchen.  Pretty standard...one big sink with a divider in the middle to create 2 separate sides.  One side has a garbage disposal, the other side has a regular drain.  No matter how much I tell her, my wife seems to think that both sides have a garbage disposal.  Rinses large chunks of food off in whatever side she damn well feels like.  Drives me fucking crazy.

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