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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Recap of the weekend-

Saturday- Kids birthday party at our house

Sunday- Basketball tournament in the morning, soccer game late afternoon

Sunday night- Wife goes on a 10 minute rant to me (not at me) about how she doesn't have enough time in the day to get everything done with home and work, blah, blah, blah. Then is fine.

It's like she just needed to be pissed about something, get it off her chest and then she feels better. Women are weird. 

 

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1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

Who the hell showed your wife how to work the sprinkler system?

Good point with some systems.  But mine has a dial selector that points to the settings and the setting at 12:00 on the dial says "OFF".  The first setting to the left says "RUN".  To her credit, she at least she figured out how to turn the system on and off.  Had she not figured that one out, it would have been worthy of its own post in this thread.

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1 hour ago, HouTex said:

Good point with some systems.  But mine has a dial selector that points to the settings and the setting at 12:00 on the dial says "OFF".  The first setting to the left says "RUN".  To her credit, she at least she figured out how to turn the system on and off.  Had she not figured that one out, it would have been worthy of its own post in this thread.

Most wives would still fuck this up.

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This is going to shock all of you,...  but my wife has been re-doing furniture as one of her hobbies. She will go to some antique place, buy some beat up chair or loveseat, go search out some unique fabric and then take it over to the reupholster guy to rehab. The reupholster/ furniture rehab guy, who we refer to affectionately as "Toothless," due to his lack of permanent dentition, has been doing this shit for her for years now.
To my wife's credit, Toothless is very inexpensive. However, he is also extremely lazy / inefficient / flaky / high / unmotivated / whatever. Since she's always dropping crap off at his shop, it's a kind of a rotating inventory deal. She brings him supplies, months and months later when he needs some cash to go fishing, he finally gets off his ass and fixes it and then gets paid. 
Well.... a few months back, his shop goes up for sale. My wife talks to him and Toothless mentions something about starting to work out of his garage, but my wife doesn't think much of it. She goes by there a few days ago and everything's gone. The shop, which was formerly stacked to the ceiling with yet-to-be-fixed furniture, is completely empty. Toothless's phone is disconnected and he has gone completely off the grid. Gonzo. My wife has ~$2,000 (at least that's the number she admitted to me, it's probably a good deal north of that) worth of furniture and fabric at his shop.
Needless to say, my wife is PISSED, "That chair I left him was from the 1700's and that loveseat with the foldout bed? You will never find something like that." Now I have to go into Jim Rockford mode to find this guy. I'm looking up anything I can on him and through interweb sleuthing, I come to find out he sold his shop for something obscene like $375,000. That's good cash for just about anybody, but for Toothless it's like hitting the fucking Powerball. If we can't find him, my wife wants to call the police. You think she has one single receipt from this guy? 

Probably more than 2k of stuff but even so, you’ll spend more in time, money, and frustration trying to get anything back, everything probably went with the sale of the shop.
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13 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

This is going to shock all of you,...  but my wife has been re-doing furniture as one of her hobbies. She will go to some antique place, buy some beat up chair or loveseat, go search out some unique fabric and then take it over to the reupholster guy to rehab. The reupholster/ furniture rehab guy, who we refer to affectionately as "Toothless," due to his lack of permanent dentition, has been doing this shit for her for years now.

To my wife's credit, Toothless is very inexpensive. However, he is also extremely lazy / inefficient / flaky / high / unmotivated / whatever. Since she's always dropping crap off at his shop, it's a kind of a rotating inventory deal. She brings him supplies, months and months later when he needs some cash to go fishing, he finally gets off his ass and fixes it and then gets paid. 

Well.... a few months back, his shop goes up for sale. My wife talks to him and Toothless mentions something about starting to work out of his garage, but my wife doesn't think much of it. She goes by there a few days ago and everything's gone. The shop, which was formerly stacked to the ceiling with yet-to-be-fixed furniture, is completely empty. Toothless's phone is disconnected and he has gone completely off the grid. Gonzo. My wife has ~$2,000 (at least that's the number she admitted to me, it's probably a good deal north of that) worth of furniture and fabric at his shop.

Needless to say, my wife is PISSED, "That chair I left him was from the 1700's and that loveseat with the foldout bed? You will never find something like that." Now I have to go into Jim Rockford mode to find this guy. I'm looking up anything I can on him and through interweb sleuthing, I come to find out he sold his shop for something obscene like $375,000. That's good cash for just about anybody, but for Toothless it's like hitting the fucking Powerball. If we can't find him, my wife wants to call the police. You think she has one single receipt from this guy? 

This is incredible. The frequency with which you win this thread is admirable. 

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13 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

This is going to shock all of you,...  but my wife has been re-doing furniture as one of her hobbies. She will go to some antique place, buy some beat up chair or loveseat, go search out some unique fabric and then take it over to the reupholster guy to rehab. The reupholster/ furniture rehab guy, who we refer to affectionately as "Toothless," due to his lack of permanent dentition, has been doing this shit for her for years now.

To my wife's credit, Toothless is very inexpensive. However, he is also extremely lazy / inefficient / flaky / high / unmotivated / whatever. Since she's always dropping crap off at his shop, it's a kind of a rotating inventory deal. She brings him supplies, months and months later when he needs some cash to go fishing, he finally gets off his ass and fixes it and then gets paid. 

Well.... a few months back, his shop goes up for sale. My wife talks to him and Toothless mentions something about starting to work out of his garage, but my wife doesn't think much of it. She goes by there a few days ago and everything's gone. The shop, which was formerly stacked to the ceiling with yet-to-be-fixed furniture, is completely empty. Toothless's phone is disconnected and he has gone completely off the grid. Gonzo. My wife has ~$2,000 (at least that's the number she admitted to me, it's probably a good deal north of that) worth of furniture and fabric at his shop.

Needless to say, my wife is PISSED, "That chair I left him was from the 1700's and that loveseat with the foldout bed? You will never find something like that." Now I have to go into Jim Rockford mode to find this guy. I'm looking up anything I can on him and through interweb sleuthing, I come to find out he sold his shop for something obscene like $375,000. That's good cash for just about anybody, but for Toothless it's like hitting the fucking Powerball. If we can't find him, my wife wants to call the police. You think she has one single receipt from this guy? 

surely someone in the shaggy surly 1% will be posting soon about the useless trinket shop he bought for his wife to shut her up make her happy, maybe you can retrieve her shit then 

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15 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

This is going to shock all of you,...  but my wife has been re-doing furniture as one of her hobbies. She will go to some antique place, buy some beat up chair or loveseat, go search out some unique fabric and then take it over to the reupholster guy to rehab. The reupholster/ furniture rehab guy, who we refer to affectionately as "Toothless," due to his lack of permanent dentition, has been doing this shit for her for years now.

To my wife's credit, Toothless is very inexpensive. However, he is also extremely lazy / inefficient / flaky / high / unmotivated / whatever. Since she's always dropping crap off at his shop, it's a kind of a rotating inventory deal. She brings him supplies, months and months later when he needs some cash to go fishing, he finally gets off his ass and fixes it and then gets paid. 

Well.... a few months back, his shop goes up for sale. My wife talks to him and Toothless mentions something about starting to work out of his garage, but my wife doesn't think much of it. She goes by there a few days ago and everything's gone. The shop, which was formerly stacked to the ceiling with yet-to-be-fixed furniture, is completely empty. Toothless's phone is disconnected and he has gone completely off the grid. Gonzo. My wife has ~$2,000 (at least that's the number she admitted to me, it's probably a good deal north of that) worth of furniture and fabric at his shop.

Needless to say, my wife is PISSED, "That chair I left him was from the 1700's and that loveseat with the foldout bed? You will never find something like that." Now I have to go into Jim Rockford mode to find this guy. I'm looking up anything I can on him and through interweb sleuthing, I come to find out he sold his shop for something obscene like $375,000. That's good cash for just about anybody, but for Toothless it's like hitting the fucking Powerball. If we can't find him, my wife wants to call the police. You think she has one single receipt from this guy? 

I just assumed your wife bought it.

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3 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Recap of the weekend-

Saturday- Kids birthday party at our house

Sunday- Basketball tournament in the morning, soccer game late afternoon

Sunday night- Wife goes on a 10 minute rant to me (not at me) about how she doesn't have enough time in the day to get everything done with home and work, blah, blah, blah. Then is fine.

It's like she just needed to be pissed about something, get it off her chest and then she feels better. Women are weird. 

 

This was my weekend if you substitute the Sunday Sports for another birthday event (adult).

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Wife goes to HEB a mile from the house to" get 3 items i need to make some desert" for some hen gathering.  Asks our 9th grade son to go with her even though he still needs to shower, eat, and study for a test....
And hour later, I call to see if they got lost or something..." No, I needed to get some things"
She gets back 45 minutes later with 15 bags of stuff- $130 worth milk, OJ, and other basics that we not only already had in the kitchen fridge but also had the next round of in the laundry room fridge...Oh and $30 worth of Zaxbys  which was great cause you just spent 90 minutes in a 30,000 Sq ft building full of food


In my house that's called Tuesday.
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This is going to shock all of you,...  but my wife has been re-doing furniture as one of her hobbies. She will go to some antique place, buy some beat up chair or loveseat, go search out some unique fabric and then take it over to the reupholster guy to rehab. The reupholster/ furniture rehab guy, who we refer to affectionately as "Toothless," due to his lack of permanent dentition, has been doing this shit for her for years now.
To my wife's credit, Toothless is very inexpensive. However, he is also extremely lazy / inefficient / flaky / high / unmotivated / whatever. Since she's always dropping crap off at his shop, it's a kind of a rotating inventory deal. She brings him supplies, months and months later when he needs some cash to go fishing, he finally gets off his ass and fixes it and then gets paid. 
Well.... a few months back, his shop goes up for sale. My wife talks to him and Toothless mentions something about starting to work out of his garage, but my wife doesn't think much of it. She goes by there a few days ago and everything's gone. The shop, which was formerly stacked to the ceiling with yet-to-be-fixed furniture, is completely empty. Toothless's phone is disconnected and he has gone completely off the grid. Gonzo. My wife has ~$2,000 (at least that's the number she admitted to me, it's probably a good deal north of that) worth of furniture and fabric at his shop.
Needless to say, my wife is PISSED, "That chair I left him was from the 1700's and that loveseat with the foldout bed? You will never find something like that." Now I have to go into Jim Rockford mode to find this guy. I'm looking up anything I can on him and through interweb sleuthing, I come to find out he sold his shop for something obscene like $375,000. That's good cash for just about anybody, but for Toothless it's like hitting the fucking Powerball. If we can't find him, my wife wants to call the police. You think she has one single receipt from this guy? 
Congrats to toothless. His new house will be fully furnished. I'm actually surprised we weren't aware of this phenomenon of reupholstering old furniture mitch.

Because its def not a hobby to buy old POS furniture and having somebody else do the hard work.
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Just now, BurntEyes said:

I would pay a good deal of money to watch a show of Mrs Cumsteen doing antique shopping/builds with Dirt Bike and Trixie.

Seriously, $9.95 per episode and it would be worth every fucking cent.

Only if we get a window-in-window picture of Mitch's reactions. 

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On 1/17/2019 at 7:21 AM, ztejas said:

Oh boy, csb time.

In high school I was good friends with this redneck kid from North Carolina. Nice, funny guy but not the sharpest.

One day we're hanging out, boozing, on the way to Lost Creek, and I get a Fiji water at the store we stop for for beer. 

On the label it says "Natural Artesian Water"

So North Carolina deadpan chimes in from the back-seat "Hey y'all, where is Artesia?"

Me and my friend almost died.

What a dumbshit.  Everyone knows Artesia is nestled between Cerritos and Bellflower.

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On 1/24/2019 at 3:05 PM, JimmyHoffa said:

Our house is 2 years old.

Mrs. Jimmy- We need to call a plumber 

Me- what for? 

Mrs. Jimmy- The shower handle is loose in our bathroom

5 minutes later

Me- Problem fixed we don't need the plumber

Mrs. Jimmy- HOW DID YOU DO THAT? 

Me- it's called a screwdriver

 

Not sure if I should take offense to the fact she wanted to call a plumber to fix a loose handle or she was playing me knowing that questioning my masculinity would get me to fix the problem right away.....

I don't know how old you are, but just wait it seems that as men the more experienced we get and the more things that we encounter it all means nothing as it seems when we age they think we get Dumber every day and not wiser. The things they knew we could do 10 years ago we are suddenly inept at. I'm not talking about sex either. 

Edited by SHOOTER12
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5 hours ago, HouTex said:

Good point with some systems.  But mine has a dial selector that points to the settings and the setting at 12:00 on the dial says "OFF".  The first setting to the left says "RUN".  To her credit, she at least she figured out how to turn the system on and off.  Had she not figured that one out, it would have been worthy of its own post in this thread.

Just think though, during the next fall and winter drought you'll have the greenest yard in the neighborhood thanks to her.

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22 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I gotta be honest, I don't know how hard I'm actually going to look for Toothless. It's probably worth eating the 2 grand not to have all that shit in my house - it's not like I'm ever getting that money back anyway.

Ive said this before and I mean it in the most respectful way possible.

 Your wife  must give one helluva blow job

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I have no idea if they were married but spanish/latina women was losing her shit in parking lot just screaming you use me im not your slave and other stuff...dude is calm and not yelling...entertaining and what not. Then she starts calling him a murderer...that peaked my interest lol

Anyways they get in car and she still is yelling and losing her shit...dude never yelled or raised voice...good times wal-mart

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10 hours ago, Coyote said:

Sorry about the misfortune, Mitch. Should your wife decide to get back in the business, I’d be happy to part with the below piece. I’ll throw in the sewing machine as a token of appreciation.

98d10b93d2afc716634392195b9f47e4.jpg
a881193b349a494e3f47890b283e7bce.jpg.

Let me know please. Thanks.

That rug really ties the room together.

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Funny story about that rug. Several months ago my SIL wanted to come visit. My wife asks me if she can bring her dog and if the dog can be in the house. I said of course. SIL shows up with her dog and 8 puppies no more than 3 weeks old. Wife knew about the puppies but forgot to let me know about that little detail.

Guess who got to go buy the cheapest rug they could find so the dogs could stay in the garage?

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Funny story about that rug. Several months ago my SIL wanted to come visit. My wife asks me if she can bring her dog and if the dog can be in the house. I said of course. SIL shows up with her dog and 8 puppies no more than 3 weeks old. Wife knew about the puppies but forgot to let me know about that little detail.

Guess who got to go buy the cheapest rug they could find so the dogs could stay in the garage?

Mitch’s wife?
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I make a pot of coffee for the Avatar and me every morning.  Every morning I take a cup, wait for the Avatar to take hers, then finish the pot (usually a full cup).  Everyday, same system.

Except for this morning.  “You hog, you took all the coffee!”

”Wait, I saw you in there getting coffee.  Did I not make enough?”

”I used a smaller cup today.”

”How is that my fault?”

”You should have asked.”

”So ask 48,000 times in anticipation for that one day, today, where you would use a smaller cup?”

Tone

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7 hours ago, Bone3421 said:

I have no idea if they were married but spanish/latina women was losing her shit in parking lot just screaming you use me im not your slave and other stuff...dude is calm and not yelling...entertaining and what not. Then she starts calling him a murderer...that peaked my interest lol

Anyways they get in car and she still is yelling and losing her shit...dude never yelled or raised voice...good times wal-mart

peaked?

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9 hours ago, Bone3421 said:

I have no idea if they were married but spanish/latina women was losing her shit in parking lot just screaming you use me im not your slave and other stuff...dude is calm and not yelling...entertaining and what not. Then she starts calling him a murderer...that peaked my interest lol

Anyways they get in car and she still is yelling and losing her shit...dude never yelled or raised voice...good times wal-mart

Yeah, she is dead now

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11 hours ago, Bone3421 said:

I have no idea if they were married but spanish/latina women was losing her shit in parking lot just screaming you use me im not your slave and other stuff...dude is calm and not yelling...entertaining and what not. Then she starts calling him a murderer...that peaked my interest lol

Anyways they get in car and she still is yelling and losing her shit...dude never yelled or raised voice...good times wal-mart

*piqued

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4 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

I make a pot of coffee for the Avatar and me every morning.  Every morning I take a cup, wait for the Avatar to take hers, then finish the pot (usually a full cup).  Everyday, same system.

Except for this morning.  “You hog, you took all the coffee!”

”Wait, I saw you in there getting coffee.  Did I not make enough?”

”I used a smaller cup today.”

”How is that my fault?”

”You should have asked.”

”So ask 48,000 times in anticipation for that one day, today, where you would use a smaller cup?”

Tone

Yep.  The female psyche on full display.

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